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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

At what age...

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amother

OP ↓

Sun, May 26 2024, 3:10 pm

did most/all of your GIRLS do the following:

Cross the street by themselves.
Cross the street with a group of kids the same age.
Cross the street with a younger child.
Watch a young toddler (1-2 years old) outside, with a parent inside.

Obviously there's a range. I've actually parented several kids past this stage already, but where we live now, all of the girls the same age as one of mine seem to be allowed to do the above. Not sure about boys, but the girls are all walking and crossing the street to get to each other's houses, bringing their little siblings outside to play, etc. She feels very left out. How can I tell her that if there's a group of girls playing on one side of the street, and they all go across the street to play at a different girl's house, that she needs to run and find an adult to cross her?

My daughter is no less responsible than they are. I had one child who had to wait until age 10 or so to cross the street, but that was because that child was impulsive and easily distracted and couldn't do it safely until then. Their younger sibing was actually able to safely do it before they were. I'm very into chanoch l'naar al pi darko, but again, this child isn't particularly irresponsible. The age that this is allowed just seems young to me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 26 2024, 6:37 pm

Anyone?

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, May 26 2024, 7:30 pm

My 2nd grade neighbor is allowed to cross the street by herself and watches her younger siblings outside all the time. She comes over once a week and watches my 1 and 2 year old in my front yard while I'm inside. I trust her to yell for me if she needs anything and she has in the past done so. I never leave the first floor so I'm able to hear her and come right away. I do live oot if that makes a difference. She has also crossed my kids and brought them to her house about 5 houses down from mine by herself in the past but I prefer her to leave them in my yard.

amother

Calendula

Sun, May 26 2024, 7:51 pm

I would say 8 or 9 (obviously depending on maturity) for all of the above.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, May 26 2024, 7:57 pm

I let them cross at age 8 after we practice. If I see they're responsible, I let but they know it can be revoked if I see them crossing recklessly

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:11 pm

Thank you so much. So this is for 7-8 year olds (as well as some 5 and 6 year old girls who are allowed to cross as a group). I'm practicing crossing streets with my daughter, who is turning eight soon, and I'd be fine with her crossing a quiet side street with good visibility. Our street is not a very busy street, but it's also not a quiet side street, and it can be hard for her to see around the parked cars, and she's at the point where when I'm watching her, she'll start and then stop and sort of freeze, deer in the headlights style, when she sees a car coming. I just think she needs a few more months of practice until she gets there, but I'm feeling such a pressure because the rest of the kids are allowed to cross and she isn't, which I know makes her feel like we're being overprotective. Especially since the five and six year olds are allowed to cross along with the girls her age, and she isn't. I've seen the girls cross and they just march across barely even looking, and they're definitely not keeping an eye out on the younger kids, who just run after them...

I wasn't sure if I'm being overprotective. Sounds like she's in the right age range to start being responsible for this, but not so old that I'm crazy to be cautious with her for a couple more months until I feel more comfortable. I just wanted to make sure that people weren't saying that it was normal at age 6 or something, in which case I was being paranoid and wasn't giving her age-appropriate freedom.

It's funny, because the question about watching a toddler was the opposite. I'm fine with her watching my toddler outside (assuming she's not playing games with other kids and knows she's responsible for her), but it feels like other people might assume she's too young. It's good to see that that's the right age for this.

It's funny, I have a couple of older kids who are boys. Again, one of them needed a lot of extra time to take on responsibilities like these, although he had no fear and thought he was ready waaaay before he was. The other was responsible from a pretty young age, and the only thing holding him back was that I couldn't let him cross the street all the time and tell his older brother that he couldn't. Neither one of them was ever interested in watching a toddler outside, and if they did because I asked them to, they would forget after a couple of minutes and the toddler would be wandering off...My daughter is so different! She's much more cautious.

I really appreciate the responses. Anyone else who feels the same/differently would also be appreciated.

bsy

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:15 pm

I have an almost 8 year old. She is not allowed to cross and I would never let her watch my toddler who can run into the street.

amother

Dandelion

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

My seven year old boy is allowed to cross the street in on my block by himself. We have practiced many many times. He knows he is not allowed to cross while riding a bike etc. He does not watch any children outside and does not cross any other children ( I was one of the last parents to allow him to cross by himself)

amother

Lime

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:49 pm

My 5 year old isn't allowed to cross the street alone at all, but often plays outside with her 2.5 year old sister alone (I have a door or window open listening). That didn't start though until the younger one was past the running into the street stage. They just play together on the lawn.

Interestingly, our non Jewish neighbors let their kids cross the street alone starting at 5.

amother

Quince

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:53 pm

A very important factor is “is a child mature enough to make eye contact with a driver?”

And tall enough to be seen.

Imo 8 is young.

I don’t remember what age I let my daughter cross but it was 9 earliest and probably later.

When I was growing up, a bunch of my classmates had sisters 2 years older. So they would cross with their sisters while I still had to be crossed by my mother. It all worked out.

I would wait till you and she both feel ready.

mha3484

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:54 pm

My first three are boys and my girl is 5. She is a big girl (as tall as her 7.5 year old brother). Like my boys I plan to teach her this summer to cross the small street that she would need to safely get off the bus incase an adult cant wait for her this coming school year.

I would let her walk to a friend without crossing major streets around 7-8 and major streets 9-10. Id always prefer walking in pairs. But I think its good for them to know how to get around and not be afraid.

Ill let my kids (9-3) play as a group because they will all make sure the 3 yr old doesnt run off. I would be nervous to let a 1-2 year old outside with a kid under bas mitzvah. I feel like my 9 yr old can watch himself not a 1 yr old. Same for a girl.

Last edited by mha3484 on Sun, May 26 2024, 8:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Clover

Sun, May 26 2024, 8:56 pm

I don't let my current 9 year old do any of those and she's pretty mature. I probably did let some of my older ones at that age though. I don't have a set age because each child is different.

I have noticed that kids crossing in a group tend to be more reckless and rely on each other when in reality none of them are being careful. Just as a btw.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:06 pm

amother Clover wrote:

I have noticed that kids crossing in a group tend to be more reckless and rely on each other when in reality none of them are being careful. Just as a btw.

I have noticed this too, and it makes me nervous! Once she's allowed to cross the street on her own, will I trust her to cross it with a bunch of kids, even if I warn her about this?

It's like letting a new driver take a bunch of his friends in the car with him. Even if he can drive on his own, it's very distracting to be in a group of your peers like that...

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:15 pm

A lot depends on the type of street that you live on.

Perhaps you could say that if she’s with a group and they’re all carefully crossing together, she could go with them. Otherwise, she needs to get an adult to cross her.

It’s hard when you’re stricter than some of the other parents… I’m also like that and dd complains about it but she also doesn’t have friends on the block so I don’t have that specific problem.

amother

Garnet

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:00 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

This.

Everything depends on what type of street we are talking about.

Can't answer otherwise.

amother

Ebony

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:46 am

Wouldn’t the type of street you live on also be a factor? How busy of a road is it?

Ruchel

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:30 am

I'm somewhere between Mea shearim and usa Wink

amother

Green

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:41 am

In city, crossing I think is not allowed until 9-10. In suburbs like monsey, quieter roads, only cross over on own block starts more like 8 I think.

I have a second grader, 8.5. I do not let her cross alone yet. I live in city. Only place I let her go alone is to grocery, across the street, but must ask someone to cross her.

I do let her sometimes watch for short time, while playing outside, my 4.5 girl who doesn't run into street.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 10:08 am

Sorry, I specified on a later post, but not in my OP. Our street is a side street, but not a quiet one. So it's not a main road, but I'd to estimate...If you sit out there for five minutes, you'll probably see 1-2 dozen cars pass by, depending on the time of day. It's not uncommon for two or three cars to be coming down the street, possibly in different directions, at a time. It's also not uncommon, though, when she goes to cross, for there to be no cars there at all.

There are also often cars parked on both sides of the street, so if she wants to cross, she needs to walk partway into the street between two cars and poke her head out, and then back up if she sees one coming. I think that's the hardest part for her.

amother

NeonOrange ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 10:43 am

When I first let my kids to cross on their own, it was only at the corner. Otherwise, I would watch for the cars from the door and let them know when to cross.

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