Should I pull my dd out of morah

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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Molly Weasley

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:37 am

I really don't understand your concern

Why would you remove her because of the lack of video access?

imaima ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:56 am

amother OP wrote:

My dd is in a playgroup where the teacher has cameras and allows us to log in and see our children during the day however it’s come to my attention that she’s not allowing it anymore and she’s logging us ( all the parents) all out of it. I am contemplating pulling my child out. I felt safe by this morah because I was able to see my child whenever I wanted but now that she’s taking it away I am nervous to leave my child there. I completely trust this morah but I won’t have that feeling I can just log in to see my dd. What do I do? My dh says to keep her there she’s happy and content. But I feel I want to pull her out and find another morah who has cameras that I can see my child whenever I want.

Wow how do you think people sent to the morah before cameras? You just send and hope for the best. I wouldn’t switch

I can see many reasons why morah would turn them off.

↑ imaima ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:57 am

amother OP wrote:

No I don’t want her to be busy taking pics and videos but a pic a day would be nice and calm me down. It’s my only child…

Then you need more. Why aren’t you calm just from sending there?

Goldie613

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:21 am

amother OP wrote:

No I don’t want her to be busy taking pics and videos but a pic a day would be nice and calm me down. It’s my only child…

I see little harm in making the request. You can explain to the Morah that you loved having the option of seeing what your child was up to during the day, and while of course she can choose to get rid of her wifi, a picture a day would really make you feel better about this recent change. If she says that's tricky to pull off, see if she's willing to do it a couple of times a week, and go from there.

↑ Elfrida

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:32 am

Have you spoken to any of the other parents? What do they think?

Asking for regular pictures to ease the transition is a reasonable request. If she is getting rid of wi-fi entirely, it may not be easy for her to send every day.

Last edited by Elfrida on Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:45 am; edited 1 time in total

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:35 am

If you have no concrete objective reason to pull her and its just because the cameras, I would finish the year. Unless you have a better place to send her.
You got some great advice here including surprise visits.
Unless your child has bruises, changes personalities, behavior issues. I would thank my lucky stars to have a great Morah.
Do you have a contract? Does it say she has to have this livestreaming? Were you paying extra for it?How do the other families feel about this?
If you feel you have a reason to insist on her keeping her wifi and livestream, then ask your Rav before going ahead. It sounds like your husband (an equal partner to this decision) has made his feelings clear.

amother

Cognac ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:36 am

Im so sorry, as a former playgroup teacher, if you don't want to send to a playgroup, noone is forcing you.

If you choose to send, you need to have some level of trust where you are sending. Same goes for a school as your child gets older

Please realize that for now it's your only child, but the teacher has many other kids , and you cannot expect her to give extra care for yours.

If you send to a playgroup, it's because you want your child interacting with other kids, learning stuff, developing, etc. It's a choice you make. But you can't expect to get the care only a mom can provide.

Btw constant camera access was something I wanted to do for a higher price (it would cost me a lot to install), but the parents chose rather not to. It's considered a luxury in a playgroup

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:37 am

amother OP wrote:

No I don’t want her to be busy taking pics and videos but a pic a day would be nice and calm me down. It’s my only child…

You can ask and she should comply but be aware it will be posed. Thats ok too. I would also love a picture once a day.

amother

Canary

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:53 am

Why don't you pop in every so often to see how your baby is doing? My baby is in a centre-based daycare, and I pop in fairly often, especially as I don't pick up the same time all the time. She was always being held or sleeping. One time, I came and all the kids were in the yard, and they said my baby was sleeping inside. I went in and my heart dropped. My baby was crying, and the one carer there had her back to my baby, looked like she was ignoring her, and just doing something at a counter. Then I realised she was in middle of putting my breastmilk in the warmer because my baby just woke up and she was prepping for a feed. I felt much better about it. I'd never send somewhere I couldn't just pop in though.

↑ imaima ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:02 am

amother Cognac wrote:

How does it work? You sit on the floor playing or dance with the kids and any father can casually log in and watch you do that? That alone would make me uncomfortable.

amother

Pear ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:14 am

OP, I work in a private gan. I hope you realize how not usual it is to have aganenet have cameras in her home to begin with and to allow the parents access is even more unusual.
If you remove your child, do you really think you will find another gan just like this, so easily? I think not.

lamplighter

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:08 am

You sound very anxious. This is not about your child's safety or care but about your anxiety.
Think about what you can do to feel more reassured. Pop in visits, a picture, some therapy etc.
Your child is happy, well adjusted and doing well, taking her out (and put her where??) would be selfish in my humble opinion. Focus on where your needs are getting in the way here.

amother

Green

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:17 am

amother Mulberry wrote:

Mine sends a.few pics every day,. I think that's a normal request.

I don't think it’s a reasonable request. Your child is not the only child at the morah. We don't want a morah to be busy with taking & send Pictures to all parents. We want the morah to be busy with the children.
(And a morah sending a picture during the day doesn't really mean much anyways.)

amother

Zinnia

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:25 am

Offer to pay for the Wi-Fi

As your child grows it’s a slow process of letting go.

amother

Broom

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:32 am

It’s really not common to have cameras for parents to access and I can see how it can cause many problems. Even in the best of groups, the parents will notice and call the Morah about all kinds of things. I don’t think it’s a good idea for the parents or for the teachers. I wouldn’t pull out because of a lack of camera access.

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:33 am

I’d be concerned that a Morah who is sending pics has her phone around too much…she is busy taking pics. Texting. Etc.

just okay with the kids. That sounds like a huge distraction for the Morah and I’d assume the kids lose out.

I had a Morah that would send a video to the group like once a month of them singing yom tov songs. More then that I’d be concerned her phone is around all the time.
Also why would I want pics of my kid on the morahs device.

amother

Rainbow

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:38 am

Cameras are very common with non Jewish babysitters in your home. With Jewish babysitters or groups it's less common.

I'd ask teacher if you can text her a daily check in mid day to find out how your child is doing. That usually helps my anxiety and it's good to get a midday update!

amother

Topaz

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:40 am

Wow I never heard of a playgroup that has livestream camera access

amother

↑ Pear

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:44 am

As the poster who said I work for a private gan, I will say that no, it is not normal for pictures to be sent through out the day from the morah. We had someone who was taking pictures left right and center during the day. Ill just tell you, she is not with us in the gan anymore.
Because when the morah is taking and then sending pictures, it means they are not watching all of the children. Not a good idea.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:54 am

Putting aside the fact that most morahs do not have livestream. Most of us posters are responding based on the fact that we send to such morahs regularly and have to take that leap of faith. But I think it would make more sense to look at things from the perspective of...What if livestream was the norm (because it obviously is, from your perspective), and she's doing something that's different from the norm.

You have been able to watch her interacting with the kids for several months now. Have you noticed any red flags? Or have you been happy with how she's been interacting with your child and the other children? If she was putting on an act, and really was NOT trustworthy and reliable and good with the kids, it would have been impossible for her to keep it going for that long without you and the other parents seeing her neglecting your children. Which means that you have already seen how she interacts with them.

Based on what you've seen, do you trust her? Do you have any reason to believe that she will change once the livestream is off?

If not, then pulling her out is illogical. She has already shown herself trustworthy. You are doing the right hishtadlus by sending to a place where you trust the morah. Now it is time to let go and trust that Hashem will help her to continue to interact correctly with your child.

As your child grows, it will be important to make decisions for her well-being from a logical place, even when you're finding yourself wanting to give in to your emotions. Will you let her learn to ride a bike? She might fall down. Will you let her go visit a friend's house? It's fine to say that you'd like to either know the parents or speak with someone who knows the parents before you send there. But you'll know those parents much less than you know this morah, even if they're your neighbors and seem very nice. Will you really never let your child go to their house because you can't see her constantly? Will you never leave her with a babysitter?

As she gets older, she will be in school, in camps, all sorts of places where things will happen that you don't know about. Part of being a parent is learning that, assuming that you make responsible choices, you then need to let go and trust that Hashem will take care of her.

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