Why did no one thank me?

Queen Of Hearts ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:17 am

Very Rude!
Please, no one is that busy that they can't take the minute to send a thank you text to someone who spent money and effort on you.
I actually think the mannered thing is to call. If you don't have the energy for a call a text will suffice. But I find even a text a bit of a cop out.

Last edited by Queen Of Hearts on Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:20 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Olive ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:25 am

I am very old school on the matter of thank yous. I write handwritten notes for Simcha gifts (as do my children), we make sure to personally call people for "lower level" events (like birthdays) and I get it. But the ONE TIME I think is different is postpartum. Yes, it IS that hard when you've just had a baby! It's not "just" 15 seconds to send a text. For thing, you have to remember to do it the first place, which is not so simple postpartum. And yes, 15 seconds for YOU, but you don't know how many other 15 second texts she needs to send. When there's a newborn in the house, all bets are off and you need to cut them slack. Also, you WERE thanked by the first person. She verbally thanked you, how does that not count? Could very well be she thinks it counts and ticked it off in her already overwhelmed mind and doesn't have you on her mental list of people to text. Oh, and when I've sent thank you notes after a baby, it's been 3-4 months after, I wasn't up for it earlier.

amother

Gray ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:35 am

amother Petunia wrote:

I made dinner for a relative this week and I got thanks so much but the onions weren’t caramelized enough.
I took her child out and was asked- why were his cheeks red…

Ok… fine.

Yikes. This lady needs a lot more than food or a babysitter for her toddlers.....

Op, PP my brain is an endorphin infused sleep deprived PP hormonal raging mush.

No I don't text people right away. That's what my husband is for.
Where I live, bikur cholem delivers suppers and part of shabbos for 2 weeks no questions asked. If someone doesn't have the family/friends support or in extenuating circumstances they will deliver as long as needed.
And then there is also reb shayalas kitchen who also delivers free of charge. Or if you love outside their delivery route you can go take.
I love that becuase noone feels obligated to call anyone to thank them. Noone knows who the food is coming from. (They are picky which people they take food from)
All you need to do is call in leave a message. They will call you back to confirm and then you get to thank the driver who actually delivers it.

I usually call in a few days pp so I get it after I come home from the convalescent home so that I will have suppers for my family warm and ready just in time.

It's absolutely amazing.

This is one of the things I plan to do when my kids are all grown/youngest is in elementary school.
It's such a huge chessed and love to cook/feed people.

Point is, if you send food, there's a need for it. And when there is a need to send food for a family, be it for a simcha or chv other circumstances poeple aren't at their optimal functional capacity. Give her a Break.
Also it's Sunday. Give it another day or 2.

In the past I have thanked people for sending brunch or gifts 2 weeks later.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:37 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

This is horrendous. Honestly if anyone is so self centered that they demand an instant text from a post partum person they shouldn’t give anything. The Torah makes exceptions for post partum no fasting the first few days, considered a choleh etc… but hey you need your thanks immediately and you get to say she can do it because you said so. Gosh what makes people have zero middos that they put their demented need for an instant thanks over a choleh??

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:38 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

Wow, I guess you've never had a colicky baby who needs to be held and soothed all day and night. And will only sleep while being held in a very specific position with both hands. While you are trying to tend to other kids as well.

Not saying she shouldn't ever thank you, but it just might not be the next day. It's really not all about you.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:40 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

Postpartum women are THAT busy/tired/overwhelmed/exhausted, and may not have the energy to call or text people. I know I don't have the energy for that immediate post partum. I'm in a daze.

↑ Queen Of Hearts ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:40 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

So you're equating a quick thank you text with fasting? 🤔

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:40 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

I can't believe I'm reading this. I understand not having the time or energy to call. But a text?!
Being postpartum does not excuse a complete lack of manners!

Can’t believe anyone has just twisted thinking that their broken emotional need for thanks makes them more important than a choleh. I strongly suggest therapy for your need to be immediately thanked.

↑ Queen Of Hearts ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:41 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

Postpartum women are THAT busy/tired/overwhelmed/exhausted, and may not have the energy to call or text people. I know I don't have the energy for that immediate post partum. I'm in a daze.

I understand not calling- that does take energy.
But a thank you text? You had the time to eat the food she sent you, no?
You had time to open the gift bag and check its contents, no?

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:42 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

So you're equating a quick thank you text with fasting? 🤔

A thank you is literally about stroking someone’s ego. It’s the lowest on the list of things that must happen. And yes if the Torah says such a person is exempt from having to do serious things helevai they don’t owe your ego anything.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:42 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

I can't believe I'm reading this. I understand not having the time or energy to call. But a text?!
Being postpartum does not excuse a complete lack of manners!

Did you ever give birth?
Postpartum 100% is an excuse for not being busy on the phone thanking whoever did a favor. It really takes a lot out of many women. I literally ignore my phone for 2 weeks. I just can't.

↑ Queen Of Hearts ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:42 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

I strongly suggest therapy if you can't take a minute to shoot off a text.

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:44 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

I can't believe I'm reading this. I understand not having the time or energy to call. But a text?!
Being postpartum does not excuse a complete lack of manners!

Do you know how many postpartum days I had where I did not have a minute to eat one bite of food till 4pm??? While nonstop nursing?

You lack of understanding is clearly showing that you never had a postpartum experience like that. Open you eyes, not everyone has your exact circumstances. Don't be so narrow minded.

Besides, everyone keeps saying, she will probably thank her but it doesn't have to be that day. Give her some time.

↑ Queen Of Hearts ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:44 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

BH I did. I have very demanding babies who keep me up all night.
But texting someone 2 words 'Thank You' doesn't take that much out of a person.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:44 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

I understand not calling- that does take energy.
But a thank you text? You had the time to eat the food she sent you, no?
You had time to open the gift bag and check its contents, no?

I may have time to send a text, but I do not have energy to do so! Neither do I have the energy you open gift bags & check it's contents....
Your attitude is appalling. I'm being you Dan lkaf zchus that you have never given birth so you don't know what it means to be immediately post partum.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:45 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

I understand not calling- that does take energy.
But a thank you text? You had the time to eat the food she sent you, no?
You had time to open the gift bag and check its contents, no?

Is this a joke? No most don’t eat normally or open gifts immediately. Wolfing down food while nursing, sleeping and holding a crying baby is hard enough. You now want them to take time to text you instead of showering or napping. Seriously have you given birth? Because I find it hard to believe you found time to send thanks to everyone while the rest of the world is trying to eat and drink and stay alive.