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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:37 am
I’m just surprised, 2 of my relatives had babies this week and I sent them both food for shabbos and something for the kiddush. One person told me thanks when I dropped off but thought she’d text me after shabbos (which is what I would do - the stretchie is so pretty, food was delicious etc) and the other person I didn’t see her so I texted her where I left the food (one of her older kids opened the door) and haven’t heard anything from her. She didn’t even reply to that text.
I didn’t send the food to get a thank you, I did it because it’s the right thing, but isn’t that basic manners?
ETA - thanks everyone for your input and comments. You gave me a new perspective based on all your experiences. May we all be zoche to always be on the giving end! I learned a lot from this thread. Only Simchos!
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:39 am
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I’d be hurt to but I wouldn’t say anything.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:40 am
But also did they not see the text?
It’s still in the morning so maybe give a few hours.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:41 am
| amother Peachpuff wrote: | But also did they not see the text?
It’s still in the morning so maybe give a few hours. |
I sent the text Friday morning when I dropped off the food
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amother
Aconite
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:42 am
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Shabbos was over late. They did just have babies- give it some time!!!
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TravelHearter
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:44 am
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I hear you, but give them some more time. It’s right after Shabbos..
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:47 am
Of course give it more time!!
They just had babies! Postpartum is such a hard time, especially if your baby is difficult.
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amother
Ecru
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:47 am
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It’s hurtful but postpartum women deserve to be given some slack. I know that my brain is mush for a week or two after giving birth, it can totally happen that I’ll forget to thank someone for a gift. I do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen but if it did, I would want the person to ask about the gift they gave next time they saw me so that I’d have the reminder and opportunity to thank them.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:06 am
I usually do not get Thank you from post partum moms. Their overwhelmed & I understand them.
I've made peace with it.
And in general whenever I send a gift I don't expect Thank you. Though ppl definitely need to brush up on their manners.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:09 am
| amother Floralwhite wrote: | I usually do not get Thank you from post partum moms. Their overwhelmed & I understand them.
I've made peace with it.
And in general whenever I send a gift I don't expect Thank you. Though ppl definitely need to brush up on their manners. |
I guess I was raised differently
I had a baby a few months ago and either sent thank you cards - mailed! - or texted people to thank them
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amother
Wheat
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:09 am
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Because they just had a baby and are probably totally overwhelmed! It's such a hard time!! Please- give them a break! That's why you made a meal for them in the 1st place!!!
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:11 am
| amother Wheat wrote: | | Because they just had a baby and are probably totally overwhelmed! It's such a hard time!! Please- give them a break! That's why you made a meal for them in the 1st place!!! |
I understand that
Was just a little surprised to not even get a quick text
Whatever it’s all good!
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:15 am
| amother OP wrote: | I guess I was raised differently
I had a baby a few months ago and either sent thank you cards - mailed! - or texted people to thank them |
If they did that, you wouldn't know yet.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:15 am
| amother OP wrote: | I guess I was raised differently
I had a baby a few months ago and either sent thank you cards - mailed! - or texted people to thank them |
Me too. I get you. I've always sent a quick text to thank, it's basic. And in the days before cellphones, I managed to make a quick call.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:31 am
| amother OP wrote: | I understand that
Was just a little surprised to not even get a quick text
Whatever it’s all good! |
I totally get you. I once sent a gift to a family member that I don't usually send gifts to, as in, I'll always buy for siblings but not for first cousins and this was a first cousin. The mother was coming home Friday, and both sides of the family lived out of town and I felt bad that they wouldn't have anything new for the baby so I spent the time and money calling around to see if someone could deliver an expensive outfit.
I didn't hear back from them for over 2 weeks so I texted the mother asking if she knew if they ever received it and she said yes they must have been busy. I also was very surprised, but then a diff family member told me how it's so hard for her to text after she has a baby because she's so involved in the baby. So I was like, ok, I guess some people really cannot get to their phone after they have a baby...
But...she managed to text me right away pp abt stupid things, so maybe s/ ppl are choosing who to text?
Yes, I get that ppl are tired pp. But unless you literally put your phone away because you don't even have the strength to text anyone except for maybe your husband and mother during emergencies it takes a total of 15 seconds to send a text to someone saying 'I received the --- that you sent me, thank you so much.'
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amother
Offwhite
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:41 am
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I'd wait a couple more days.
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Busybee5
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:10 am
I'd wait another week before even thinking of it.
Everyone is different but I get extremely overwhelmed after birth that I don't always thank straight away. Have patience. And also remember that they might have got a lot of gifts at once and they might need to sort them all out still before they thank you all.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:13 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I sent the text Friday morning when I dropped off the food |
And she just had a baby, so perhaps she didn’t see it. Or maybe she did and she meant to respond, but things got a little crazy (I mean, there is a new baby, and it’s obviously not her first) and she just forgot.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:14 am
| amother OP wrote: | I understand that
Was just a little surprised to not even get a quick text
Whatever it’s all good! |
I ignore my phone for at least a week or two post partum. I just don't have the energy for phone calls & texts.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:17 am
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This is really an unfair expectation on someone who just had a baby. She probably got many things and has to go through the list of who to thank. It’s not like they only got your item and it’s super easy to send just one text. You really need to be more caring about what other people are dealing with and make it a whole lot less about yourself.
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