S/O Yeshivish humor

↑ keym

Today at 2:48 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

I seem to recall them telling the story about a yeshiva guy who wasn’t all there who was really unhappy with the answer given to a question by Tosfos. They caught him ripping the Tosfos out of the page of Gemara.

“Stop,” they yelled at him. “What are you doing?”

“Such a Tosfos doesn’t belong in the Gemara!” He replied.

“But there’s another Tosfos on the other side of the page,” they countered.

אוי לרשע אוי לשכינו.” was his reply.

Another time (don’t remember if it was the same guy) they caught him taking a Sefer, a Rashba into the bathroom to learn.

“You can’t take a Rashba into the bathroom!” they reprimanded him.

“Why not? The Rashba himself went into the bathroom!”

Im not comfortable with these.
This was a real person (Brisker family member) who survived the war and half his family didn't and he actually was crazy.
I don't know his diagnosis but he was known to be insane.

amother

Ecru

Today at 2:51 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

A yeshiva guy dies and unfortunately gets sent to gehenom. He enters to find a beautifully lit beis medrash and a chair and shtender with a Gemara just for him. There doesn’t seem to be anything to do but learn so he learns for a fairly pleasant couple of hours and then figures he’ll go check out the coffee room. As soon as he begins to rise from his chair a malach hurries over. “Sit back down. This is gehenom. There’s no going to the coffee room. Here we bring you the coffee.”

There is a similar yeshivish joke that some here won't appreciate. A person who always found lenient Rabbis to give him a hetter dies. They take him to room with a shtender, a gemora and a cup of tea. "Where am I" he asks? "Gan Eden" say the malach "So many rabbonim that to sit and learn by a shtender uninterrupted by anything else is Gan Eden" and locks the door...

amother

Coffee

Today at 3:06 pm

keym wrote:

It is very special that his insanity expressed itself in kedusha this way.

amother

↑ Alyssum

Today at 3:56 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

The way I heard it there was a guy who got a heter for everything in life. In kashrus, as long as there was an opinion that was ok with something bidieved he ran with it. In his bedroom life, he searched to find any minority opinion who had a kulah and allowed the things he wanted to do bidieved and went with it. Same went for his business dealings; any gray area that was bidieved possibly ok was good enough for him.

He dies after 120 and up there they are suitably impressed. “We can’t find anything you did in your life without a heter.Really impressive. straight to Gan Eden you go!”

He smugly walks in the direction he was pointed to and comes to a rickety shack with run down furniture and stocked with some bread and water.

“This is where you will stay for all eternity”, he is told.

“What?” he exclaims in consternation. “This is
Gan Eden?”

“Well”, comes the reply. “Bidieved according to one opinion…..

↑ penguin

Today at 4:02 pm

happytobemom wrote:

As my son quotes his rebbi (it seems on a regular basis) "There's room in gehenom for all of us!!

what's with Restaurant X?
Not such a good hechsher.
But everyone eats there!
And there's plenty of room in Gehinnom for Everyone!

(Other version: alamen essen doh
And there room for alamen....)

amother

↑ Dandelion

Today at 4:05 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

You have to be old Lakewood to appreciate this one:

What’s the definition of a yeshivish car?

Everything makes noise except the horn and the radio.

You could still be a Yeshivish out of towner to get it!

amother

Whitesmoke

Today at 4:59 pm

amother Myrtle wrote:

Some bochurim who weren't accepted snuck into Brisk. R' AY announced everyone who doesn't belong should leave. A bochur called out "I'll pay for half the party!"
(Hint: kamtza and bar kamtza)

Unfortunately this one is true. A school that doesn't accept someone is doing exactly that. Pure sinas chinam