Sheltering younger kids when they have older siblings

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:21 am

title says it all. just because someone has older siblings doesn't mean they need to hear about things at such a young age. I'm not talking about things like cursing but rather things that as kids get older they know more about like what's going on in the world.

also, how to teach little kids to not go back to school reporting stuff they heard at at home once they heard it....

amother

Caramel

Yesterday at 8:31 am

It's normal for younger siblings to be more exposed than eldest.

Obviously the older ones should use their seichel, but don't stress about it.

This is how kids learn about the world.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:42 am

my younger daughter went to her teacher and told her that the teacher doesn't actually tell them everything in the parsha. I don't think the teacher knew what to do but my daughter heard that from her big sister ( and it's true but...)

she also has a bit of a know it all type of attitude(she's often right but still trying to teach her that she doesn't need to do that kind of thing...)

Chayalle ↓

Yesterday at 8:47 am

Not everything can be controlled. Even if you try. They can hear things from others. I have one child that is several years younger than my two older children. My older kids didn't tell her about certain topics I would have put off for a bit....but her cousins told her.
You have to deal with what your kid knows, when they know it. Accept that that's what Hashem had in store for them as part of their growing up. And be ready to answer questions.

I'm wondering, when you say you try to teach your child not to do that kind of thing, are you also having discussions with her that satisfy her curiosity and answer her questions? Or do you just tell her - XYZ that your sister told you is something you need to keep quiet.

amother

Poinsettia

Yesterday at 8:48 am

amother OP wrote:

It's really not that big of a deal.
This is how kids with older siblings grow up & learn things, it's okay.
You should just try to be careful with discussing topics that are inappropriate & off limits for young kids, and don't worry about the rest. It's okay if they hear things.

keym ↓

Yesterday at 8:54 am

I tell my older kids a lot that anything sensitive shouldn't be shared in front of their Younger siblings.

But I can't prevent the regular conversation - hock, politics, life.

My kindergarten child announce to his class that when the Single Morah gets a haircut, she's going to become a kalla. Because he heard his 8th grade sister talking about a teacher "omg, did you see Miss Frieds hair, she's for sure getting engaged"

And my 1st grader announce to his whole class that Math is Stupid because his Bar Mitzvah Brother Said So.

Sometimes it's funny. Like when my primary child was asked to bring shehakol for a siyum and he insisted on bringing herring because "big brother says yeshiva boys like herring".

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:00 am

Chayalle wrote:

it's more that I'm trying to teach her that she doesn't need to tell the teachers they are wrong, type of thing, or be the one to educate everyone in her class. in terms of answering questions, that I'm fine with Wink

amother

Mintgreen

Yesterday at 9:12 am

amother OP wrote:

So this is nothing to do with older siblings. It's about learning how to relate appropriately to adults. You can have a know-it-all oldest kid as well.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Yesterday at 9:17 am

amother OP wrote:

So it's a bit of a lack of Derech Eretz, and also some social skills, knowing what's private, what isn't, etc....and perhaps she gets a certain feeling of confidence and enjoyment from having something to share that others don't know....
How is she socially? Does she have enough friends? Are her social relationships balanced (and not dependent on one-upping, competition)?

amother

Moccasin

Yesterday at 9:30 am

My son, my oldest, is best friends with a boy that is the youngest with several siblings living at home, all 25 and older.

While my son is busy with Lego and comic books, his friend is busy with jobs, shidduchim, politics and world travel.

It is what it is.

amother

Gladiolus

Yesterday at 9:33 am

This depends on what your older kids are saying. Hock and politics is one thing. But when it comes to some other things you are the parents. Make sure you are the ones raising your child. Not their older siblings.

I'm not going into details but will say that I got into plenty of trouble as a child because of things my older siblings said that should not have been said at all. Let alone in front of me. They were all things that fall into the realm of what a normal pre teen or teenager would say.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 10:45 am

to answer your question. Chayalle- she's the oldest girl in the class and one of the oldest kids. She is physically larger then most of the other kids as well so there is definitely "big girl on campus" vibe... and she's still young enough that her class is coed and happens to be more boy heavy. next year that will change so I'm curious to see how that will play out.

amother

Dill ↓

Yesterday at 10:51 am

amother OP wrote:

lol I was that kid and I was an oldest. It’s a personality. I was a major reader, and I knew a ton more than my teachers taught.
It has nothing to do with older siblings

↑ Chayalle

Yesterday at 10:52 am

Tough one. Because the being a know-it-all is likely coming from her feeling the need to compete and be in control, perhaps because she feels bigger and her social standing is based on this.

I'm not sure this is something you can control.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 10:53 am

amother Dill wrote:

lol I was that kid and I was an oldest. It’s a personality. I was a major reader, and I knew a ton more than my teachers taught.
It has nothing to do with older siblings

how did that work out for you with teachers and friends?

mha3484

Yesterday at 10:54 am

I have this issue sometime with my oldest but its gotten better over the years. It comes from the fact that he's smarter then a lot of the teachers and is more in the impulsive side. So he struggles to integrate that into his brain.

amother

Seagreen

Yesterday at 10:59 am

Same, it's a personality thing. I'm an oldest and I did that too. Some teachers can handle it, some are more insecure. I can't say I handled it and changed, honestly. The teachers who clearly knew more than me never had that problem.