S/O Yeshivish humor

amother

Chicory

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 7:59 pm

keym wrote:

This is a political yeshivish joke. Iykyk

During megillah, what gets the loudest raash?
When the baal korei says Eitz. Half the shul claps and cheers and half the shul boos and shakes the gragger

Can someone explain this one?

amother

Daffodil

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 8:05 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

Careful about carrying Shabbos. Many won’t wear both a yarmulka and hat outside on Shabbos. Or wear tzitzis outside on Shabbos (as an example)

When my cousin came back from Brisk he wouldn't wear his glasses outside on shabbos. But he also was very machmir not to step on any bugs or worms on shabbos. But he couldn't see them without his glasses. He walked so slowly he had to leave really early to get to shul on time. And this is not even a joke! It was real life. Then he came back down to earth and started being normal.

↑ Tao

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 8:31 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

A Breslover, a Lubavicher and a Litvack end up in Gehenom. They’re sitting there in gehenom when in walks Rav Nachman Mibreslov.

He says to the breslover “what are you doing here in gehenom?” “I did such and such serious aveiros, says the guy”.

“Listen” says Rav Nachman, you said Tikun Haklali, you said Tikkun Chatzos, I made a promise.” And he shleps the Breslover out of gehenom.

They’re sitting there for a while and in walks the Lubavicher Rebbe. He says to the Lubavicher “What are you doing here in gehenom?” “ I did such and such serious aveiros”.

The rebbe says “listen, you said Chitas, you did shlichus and put tefillin on some guys in Timbuktu, you don’t belong here.” And he shleps the Lubavicher out of gehenom.

The Litvak is sitting there in Gehenom all alone for the longest time when in walks his Rosh Yeshiva. He takes one look at his talmid sitting there in gehenom and says “I told you!”.

Although this one is sad

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 8:35 pm

amother Chicory wrote:

Can someone explain this one?

"Eitz" is the name of one of the frum political parties, therefore some people were cheering and some ppl were booing.
this is not a joke, it is a true story, my first purim in israel they made an announcement in shul in the morning "today is friday, a very short day, so no banging by Haman. But of course you can bang for Eitz"

amother

Clematis

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 8:54 pm

Thanks for the laughs very cute. and I now learned a thing or two… I never knew Brisk was known to have a uniqueness to them. That explains my neighbor though. She mentioned her husband went there and I’ve never met anyone (not including chassidish) like them before (girls wear tights at 3 years old, they only buy food that has “heimish hechsher” which means all Jewish food brands. And lots of other unique minhagim.

amother

DarkViolet

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:12 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

Hi, Meet us.
I think this is common among other yeshivish people not just Brisk. My dh has never been to Brisk but we only buy Heimish hechsherim, Not tights at 3 but knee socks. I know others like us (very yeshivish but not Brisk)

↑ dena613

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:41 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Lol!!!!

amother

Kiwi ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 11:16 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Don't know where you live, but in Lakewood most yeshivish people I know fast when pg on minor fasts. I remember being young married and the only one of my neighbors to break my fast after chatzos (which is what our Rav advised us to do, because of DH's grandfather's minhag.)
Maybe it's different these days among the young? Was definitely the case 25 years ago or so.....

It's Minhag E"Y to not fast when pregnant (according to our very yeshivish Rav) so all yeshivish here don't fast here when pregnant.
Not sure about other people but all my very yeshivish siblings and cousins and lakewood don't fast when pg or kids under 2.

ChassidishMommy ↓

Yesterday at 5:40 am

dena613 wrote:

This old dumb one
(I'm wondering if chsssidim are missing nuances, like I'm missing in the chassidish joke thread, but this one is, I think, is easy to chap)

BJJ and Brisker went on a date.
Brisker- "What's your name?"
"Kelisheva, what's yours?"
"Kelikahu."
And then they sat down and enjoyed ginger keil.

Actually, there is a Chassidish (Yiddish) version of this!
Customer in silverware store: Hust a kos shel kalikuki?
Clerk: Ku.

And I've been LOLing through this thread, despite my SN!

↑ ChassidishMommy

Yesterday at 5:48 am

amother OP wrote:

And the famous Reb Chaim one that is funny whether it happened or not.

A guy goes to Reb Chaim ZTL for a bracha, and Reb Chaim gives his standard "Bu Ha"

Guy: Can I please have a longer bracha?

Reb Chaim: Sure. Boooooooo haaaaaaaa."

And another Reb Chaim one they say really happened:

Bachur: Is it okay to play basketball on Shabbos?

Reb Chaim: How do you play?

Bachur: Well, the object of the game is to throw a ball into a basket.

Reb Chaim: It's better to put the ball in the basket before Shabbos.

The famed Chassidish badchen Yankel Miller went in to Reb Chaim for a Brocha.
Reb Chaim: Bu Ha.
Yankel: Ooh ah.
Reb Chaim: Vus meint Ooh ah?
Yankel: Vus meint Bu ha?
Reb Chaim: Brocha Vhatzlocha.
Yankel: Umein V'umein.

amother

Mulberry

Yesterday at 7:10 am

amother Marigold wrote:

My rav holds you start and if you can’t then end but yo give it a go…never got a blanket heater to not fast when preg

Forty years ago, a Litvish posek who learned in Lakewood, laughed when I asked him about fasting on the minor fasts. He said that for the last fifteen years his wife had only fasted twice a year.

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Yesterday at 7:12 am

amother Steel wrote:

I don't get it

I do. And it made me laugh. But I couldn't bring myself to like I.e. give a hechsher on it. Trying not to be a self-hating Litvak. Twisted Evil

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Yesterday at 7:13 am

amother Pear wrote:

No. It’s any wet behind-the-ears yeshiva boy is better than the most chashuve woman. (And I’m sure that’s how it was meant Sad

Ah.
They teitch it up to the girls differently, I guess.

↑ happytobemom

Yesterday at 11:28 am

amother Alyssum wrote:

As my son quotes his rebbi (it seems on a regular basis) "There's room in gehenom for all of us!!

↑ keym

Yesterday at 11:34 am

The problem is that there are some jokes that my boys say, or sharp lines that I don't feel comfortable sharing (even if I can remember them).
Making fun of the generic Brisk stereotype or using chachma to impress R AY is one thing
Making jokes about specific Roshei Yeshiva, what Specific Roshei Yeshiva said about others and comparing yeshiva mehalchim seems wrong.

That said an old classic.
What yeshiva was Yaakov Avinu and Yosef in?
Answer. Bais Hatalmud. That's why 19 years later, they were still in the same sugya