I wish I was chassidish

amother

↑ Daylily

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:54 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

This. After one of my babies I took off a year. I had grand plans of all the home projects & things I wanted to accomplish. I was shocked that I had no extra time to do anything! My baby cat napped and slept very little during the day, and constantly needed me. Preschool ends at 1, so preschoolers are home all afternoon. I was still overwhelmed taking care of the house and kids, although I was more relaxed / less pressured without work commitments, but it def wasn't easy taking care of my kids all day... And I did keep my twice a week cleaning help bec I planned to go back to work and didn't want to lose her.

This is relatable.
During my maternity leave I had such big plans of decluttering my house and taking on volunteer projects. I thought my baby would sleep fot long stretches.

Nothing got done lol. My baby was so needy that I was "on call" all day and night. By the time we figured out a good schedule/rhythm it was time for me to go back to work...

It was so much juggling.

Now I'm working full time, so I feel less guilty that my house isn't decluttered, and most times supper is plain, and that I pay for cleaning help 3 hours a week to help me with laundry /bathrooms/mopping

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:00 pm

I worked for many years then stopped during one of my pregnancies and I have been a sahm ever since then. I have children in preschool who get home by 3:00. I do all the housework with very minimal help from anyone including my husband. I also do all the childcare (pick up, drop off, bedtimes , appointments, homework , grocery shopping , cooking … everything). I am literally never bored. I have a little bit of time to breath after everybody goes to school, do a couple of chores alone and prepare for when everybody gets back. The 5 hours I have each day is never enough. If I did work, I would be neglecting my family in many areas. I would be obligated to spend any income that I bring in on cleaning help and babysitters. Many people ask me when I plan to work, if I plan to work, why don’t I work, and so on, I usually just tell them that I would love to work but right now, I am just so busy and when the timing and scheduling is right, I plan on working again.

↑ Fox

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:13 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

I was with you until the executive recruiters demanding job applicants to have homemaking experience. Firstly- how would that be relevant for most positions and secondly, I assume this goes for male and female applicants? Thirdly, who is the judge of that? Snoop dog or Martha Stewart? What job would this be relevant for. It's just so absurd

I have a much broader concept of "homemaking." I include hands-on parenting; budgeting; coping with emergencies; solving logistics and scheduling problems . . . these are all skills that homemakers have that are invaluable to executives.

For example, one of the biggest costs to businesses is employee turnover. Depending on the level of the employee, it can cost more than the annual salary of the position being vacated. Someone who has been a homemaker is experienced at spotting rivalries that get out of hand; nascent bullying; building on individual strengths; and knowing how hard to push someone. These are, coincidentally, common reasons people leave jobs. An executive who's familiar with those kinds of problems will have a huge advantage.

Or problem-solving in general. What happens to a homemaker when he/she is short on resources. Dinner has to get to the table somehow! So homemakers are experienced at thinking outside the box: finding additional resources; reallocating resources; changing the kinds of resources needed, etc.

And when it comes to combining emergencies with logistics, homemakers have a huge advantage over everyone. If you've ever had to take a child to the ER while your DH was out of town; you had another less-sick child; and you had two carpools to drive . . . you've zoomed ahead of most executives.

If you've ever made Pesach, you're qualified to be a project manager.

So I don't think it's absurd at all. I think the skills developed as a homemaker (whether you work a separate job in addition or not) are a great fit for most managerial/executive jobs, and it's criminal that self-proclaimed feminists don't insist on widespread recognition of that.

amother

Aster

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:23 pm

I understand you must be in a high achievement community. You don't actually want to be chasidish, you want to have value as a person just because you are.

It's also the wealthy circles where women can be busy exercising, shopping, lunch dates, charity work and so on without judgment. Would it help to use humor that you are a trophy wife to deflect the judging or subliminally envious comments?

WhereIsMyPhone

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:30 pm

I’m actually laughing out loud.

I’m chassidish, married with two kids. With one exception, every last girl in my class is still working. Have you checked out the asking rent in Williamsburg lately? One income generally doesn’t cut it. I happen to not need to work, but I still do for my own personal fulfillment and the second income doesn’t hurt.

I will say though, that I do consider us lucky. Very lucky. The income burden is thought to be first and foremost the husband’s. Most women, even if they were the primary breadwinner starting out, have no issue saying I’ve had enough, it’s too much.

I honestly don’t know how the litvish/yeshivish women do it.

amother

Thistle

Yesterday at 1:16 am

OP I didn’t read the whole thread, but I can relate. I stopped working when my youngest was a toddler, but he’s in elementary school now and I never went back to work. And I have a lot of cleaning help. There are a few specific ppl that always make the same silly comments when I bump into them- what do you DO all day? Aren’t you bored?? I can’t imagine just doing nothing!!

Honestly, I think they just don’t realize how it sounds to me because they are nice people.

Other than those few people, I find that most people say positive things about how nice it must be etc. Do I sometimes feel judged about it? Yes, but I feel that way about lots of things in life 😊. There will always be people judging… At the end of the day, I know that it works for me and my family and that’s the bottom line!