S/O Yeshivish humor

penguin

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:01 pm

I don't remember the whole joke but maybe some of you can help.

3 (Brisker?) Bochurim are discussing what rhwy'd do if they found out they weren't really Jewish.
Moshe: I would put om my left shoe first.
Chaim: I would say krias shema after the zman.

It's really gets even better, just can't remember...

(True not joke: Rav Shimshon Pincus zt"l said he would bring a korban on a bamah, which is now ossur to Jews.)

amother

Marigold ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Mega machmir on anything possible. Will enunciate each word of shema s-l-o-w-l-y and will go back and repeat if not satisfied, no matter how many times it takes.

Careful about carrying Shabbos. Many won’t wear both a yarmulka and hat outside on Shabbos. Or wear tzitzis outside on Shabbos (as an example)

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

Mega machmir on anything possible. Will enunciate each word of shema s-l-o-w-l-y and will go back and repeat if not satisfied, no matter how many times it takes.

Interestingly, though, the one area they are not super-machmir on is fasting. There, they were super machmir on pikuach nefesh.
DH's grandfather AH grew up in Brisk. He said in Brisk a Chosson/Kallah didn't fast on their wedding day. He told me not to fast when I was pg. Which is very different from other standard yeshivish.

amother

Stonewash ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:17 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Which fasts? As far as I know, no one Yeshivish fasts when pregnant on minor fasts. The only one I see different opinions is for tisha bav. And YK people fast across the board unless of course there's a risk (or take shiurim if advised etc.)

amother

↑ Marigold

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:25 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

My rav holds you start and if you can’t then end but yo give it a go…never got a blanket heater to not fast when preg

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:25 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

I’m yeshivish and fast everything pregnant and pp too

amother

↑ Stonewash

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:27 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

I’m yeshivish and fast everything pregnant and pp too

So interesting. I've never heard this before. Though I live in UK now and lived in Israel for many years. All the yeshivish Rabbanim in both countries (or at least the ones that everyone I know seem to follow, because none of my family or acquaintances fast when pg) seem to say not to fast on minor fasts and we also don't when nursing.

ETA: I guess we're real litvaks, talking about halacha and minhagim on a humor thread Laugh

synthy ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:30 pm

penguin wrote:

A chassidisher, a lubavitcher and a litvisher found out they’re not really Jewish.
The chassidisher went to fress at all treif restaurants.
The Lubavitcher went to dance in clubs.
And the litvisher went to learn in the bathroom .

↑ synthy ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:39 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

The Brisker comes to his chuppa without pants. When asked why, he replies, "k'shem shenichnas l'bris, ken yikanes l'chupa."

↑ Chayalle

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:46 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

Don't know where you live, but in Lakewood most yeshivish people I know fast when pg on minor fasts. I remember being young married and the only one of my neighbors to break my fast after chatzos (which is what our Rav advised us to do, because of DH's grandfather's minhag.)
Maybe it's different these days among the young? Was definitely the case 25 years ago or so.....

amother

↑ Pink

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:52 pm

Here's a good joke:

A bunch of litvaks started a thread on a woman's website to share jokes. By page 5 it devolved into a Halachik discussion about fasting while pregnant.

They thoroughly enjoyed every page.

amother

Broom ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:05 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

The Brisker comes to his chuppa without pants. When asked why, he replies, "k'shem shenichnas l'bris, ken yikanes l'chupa."

Can you please translate?

↑ bigsis144

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:10 pm

amother Broom wrote:

Can you please translate?

The direct translation would be “just as he entered into bris [milah], so should he enter the chuppah” (ie go from one Jewish milestone to the next).

Taken literally, a baby is pantsless at his bris, so the chosson didn’t wear pants to his chuppah either.

amother

↑ Broom

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:12 pm

bigsis144 wrote:

Thanks for explaining!

amother

Alyssum ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:49 pm

A Breslover, a Lubavicher and a Litvack end up in Gehenom. They’re sitting there in gehenom when in walks Rav Nachman Mibreslov.

He says to the breslover “what are you doing here in gehenom?” “I did such and such serious aveiros, says the guy”.

“Listen” says Rav Nachman, you said Tikun Haklali, you said Tikkun Chatzos, I made a promise.” And he shleps the Breslover out of gehenom.

They’re sitting there for a while and in walks the Lubavicher Rebbe. He says to the Lubavicher “What are you doing here in gehenom?” “ I did such and such serious aveiros”.

The rebbe says “listen, you said Chitas, you did shlichus and put tefillin on some guys in Timbuktu, you don’t belong here.” And he shleps the Lubavicher out of gehenom.

The Litvak is sitting there in Gehenom all alone for the longest time when in walks his Rosh Yeshiva. He takes one look at his talmid sitting there in gehenom and says “I told you!”.