I wish I was chassidish

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:07 pm

I don't know how they manage but I know that chassidish women don't have the pressure or expectation of working outside the house.
In my community most women work. I don't work for various reasons and I hate that this is questioned and looked down on. Why can't it be enough to just run my home and family? Why are my finances and worthiness out on the chopping block because I don't work? I am constantly getting comments and questions about this crazy thing, being a SAHM. Am I not bored? What am I going to do when all my kids are grown? Don't I want to do something? Or be something? What do I do all day? How come I don't contribute financially? Am I depressed? If I'm not depressed oh but you will be soon because this is not normal, you need to DO something.
Chassidish ladies who don't have babies at home, what do you do with your time? Are you depressed or feel worthless? Are you ok with the parnassa responsibility falling on your DH only?

giftedmom

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:13 pm

lol what. You need new friends.
There’s always something that needs to get done even without babies at home. Always an appt to get to, food to be made, laundry to be folded, a YT or wedding to prepare for, or a sick child or 2 at home.

amother

Begonia

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:14 pm

Lol I am a Litvish SAHM and my chassidish sisters in law all work outside the house. No one asks if I'm bored, but that's because I have a toddler at home with me all day. And I do plan to work once she starts school.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:25 pm

All my friends work. The only 2 friends who don't work have at least 2 babies home with them all the time.
I have no degree and no business acumen at all. I can't even picture what I would work as. Life feels stressful and overwhelming without having to be out the house for all those hours daily, I can't imagine adding working to my day.
So chassidish women have degrees? What do they work as?

amother

Orchid ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:28 pm

My youngest is in pre school, I am far from bored. It takes alot to run a home bh, there's always what to do. And I crave quiet alone time, I need it.
I gave up my job after my 2nd was born because I felt like I'm snapping.
But, so many women around me work. I don't know how they do it. It's not a given anymore that chassidish women are SAHM.

↑ ALLiaDT ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

You don't need to work because your friends do.
Working also doesn't require having a degree.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:54 pm

I don't need to work because my friends do, I'm saying everyone works so all I get are questions and judgment. Plus no one else is around to spend time with during the day.
Really I just wish it was normal or even respected to not work and "just" be a mother.

amother

Raspberry ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:56 pm

ALLiaDT wrote:

I think you should let your friends know that there are stay at home moms with cleaning help that are still not bored all day.

Me. I have a nice amount of cleaning help and a toddler at home and a bunch of older ones in school that star coming home at 3:15. I am far from bored

↑ ALLiaDT

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

It is normal.
Your friends should not be judging or disrespecting you. That's not what friends do.
You may need some new friends. If only it were that easy.
Is your family supportive?

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yea sorry your friends are jealous. They wish their husbands made enough to survive on one income. Not working is a luxury. When I hear someone is a SAHM I think they’re so lucky

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:18 pm

Its not my friends making comments it's everyone. Every time someone asks me what I do or it comes up in conversation, there's the comments and judgement. There is an expectation to "do something" outside the home.
If you are home your either sick, lazy, a loser or a combination of all of these.
Even my kids are embarrassed that I don't work.

amother

Pear

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:22 pm

I understand you. It must be so hard to get those comments. I’m not working now mostly because of anxiety and other issues, and thank God no one judges me out right but I feel a lot of internal pressure and like others must be judging me.

I think a lot of it comes to strengthening yourself and not judging yourself. Once people pick up on those vibes they probably won’t make comments or at least they’ll be shut down by your energy if they do. Like if you were to smile and say, “thank God I don’t need to work right now. I’m so grateful I get to focus on taking care of my family. And surprisingly no I’m not bored Smile

“ that would change the whole dynamic.

amother

Dill

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am the one who commented on the other thread that I am jealous of chassidim. This is one major reason why! Even if some do work today , most don’t and they are definitely not questioned if and why they’re not working . I’m not working right now but bh my hands are full. When they are not full though , I’m sure I’ll get comments . My mother never worked and has gotten comments all her life . People need to mind their own business

amother

Glitter

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am not chassidish but I don’t work during pregnancies and some people just can’t get over it. Well bad luck for them if they can’t do the same. I don’t want to scramble and be a shmattah for my family if I don’t have to

amother

↑ Orchid

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 1:26 pm

It's so sad that it has become the norm that women are being looked down at for not working. Mothers work 24/7 as is, without an outside job. We're human, we're 1 person. We're expected to have the kids, raise the kids, run the home, shop & clean & just keep ourselves & our families alive. Appointments and errands and laundry and cooking and carpool and all else. Why are we expected to have a job on top of all this? Are women supposed to be above human? No one ever expects this of a man & man won't be able to accomplish all this even without them working in addition to all this....