Shiduch and weight

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:20 am

amother Maple wrote:

The problem is that there are apparently a lot of people who think that size 2 is thin, size 4 is medium, size 6 is a little large and size 10 is big.

Also, someone can't be thin and curvy at the same time, because thin means thin everywhere. But someone can have a tiny waist and larger hips and breasts, and that's curvy.

so I was asking exactly this. if I am saying something negative about a girl,if I mention her size for description.for me size 10-12 is not big, 14 is a still average. Big girls for me would start prob from size 16. below 6 would be super skinny. also, I am tall, so im used to these sizes in my height.

I would not think of size 10 girl as big, when I was in size 10, I was a normal BMI for my height. and that is not big. actually, I was at my ideal weight at size 10.

↑ Chayalle

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:25 am

amother OP wrote:

When you are describing someone for the schiduchim,is mentioning that girl is not super skinny but also not fat (arnd size 14) is loshon hara ? (Please,no offense,I am around size 12-14, and won't consider it a crime, for some boys it seems like it's a very important information if the girl is over size idk 8-10. Basically, do we need to mention weight or it's a tabu or it's good to mention to sort out those who only want size 2-4-6?I had a feeling it's a major thing to let people know if girl is super skinnny or average body and makes a big deal. How to go about weight.?

(Again,I don't care, but not sure if it's a biggie for local standards or no) I mean,I'm not sure to say, to withhold, to ignore. Etc. For me body size doesn't matter, but I had feeling that it's one the major things boys ask (as crazy as I find it)

I think the question should be answered if it is asked (because then it's l'toeles). But also, be careful with size numbers, because you could totally be off. Personally, I don't know how to assign numbers to body types (especially since I have found sizes to be very off).
I would go more with a description of the girl's appearances, and try to avoid zeroing in on meaningless numbers. Maybe use a range.

amother

Burlywood ↓

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:30 am

amother Fuchsia wrote:

I am very upfront. DD (not to mention her beautiful middot) is not a petite, waif like, blonde, damsel in distress. She is a gorgeous 5’8”, curvy, and a size 12-14. She has dark, thick, curly hair. She has been turned down for not being 5’2” , size 0, and having straight thin blonde hair-you know the kind that really benefits from extensions when making a simcha. If you’re not interested in her for that reason, I think you are an idiot, but I would rather you don’t waste my time, try a date and hurt her, or marry her and make her feel insecure.

I agree. Dh told me I am not his type, he like women who are petite and likes small boobs and just petite in general. So hurtful when that is not your body type. I definitely won't have surgery on my boobs and even when I lost weight for him I was never the skinny skinny he wants. It's just not good for the woman to have a husband like that. It always makes you feel not good enough and not desired. He said he thought he would get used to it and he did. THANKS so much ughh
I hope your daughter finds a wonderful man who thinks she is the most beautiful woman who ever walked the face of the earth!

↑ Ruchel ↓

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:34 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

the worst is that he doesn't have a big...brain

↑ Ruchel ↓

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Maybe that's why I panic at a 4 being so normal. No even talking of 0 (who wants to cv disappear). I'm tall. When I was under a 10 I was literally sick. People worried.

amother

Navyblue

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:44 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

That is so true!!! I have seen it many many times. Stick skinny men and very heavy wives.
And then you also have the opposite. It's so stupid when people say they only mention heavy girls to heavy guys. Like why??

My husband used to be my size then when I gained weight he was way thinner than me. And he loved my figure. Now I lost weight and he misses my curves and extra padding. And he is ultra thin and comes from a family of ultra thin petite sisters.

amother

↑ Amaryllis ↓

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 10:10 am

Ruchel wrote:

Maybe that's why I panic at a 4 being so normal. No even talking of 0 (who wants to cv disappear). I'm tall. When I was under a 10 I was literally sick. People worried.

I’m only a little bit tallish, and when I was a size 4 (except for my hips) it was because of a medical problem that I had to be on a liquid diet for six months of treatment. I was underweight for my height. Also, my hip bones are wide, and never got smaller than size 8, even when I was literally just skin and bone. So, I can never be thin enough to “look good”? SMH

amother

DarkGreen

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 10:30 am

Yes, sizing depends on height and body type. I'm 5"2 and in the "overweight" BMI category, I'm a size 6 - 8 now. At my healthy BMI, slimish weight I'm a 2 - 4. I have never been crazy skinny, my sis in law who is my height and skinny literally can't find clothes to fit her, she has to alter everything.

ETA my point is that my 6-8 is someone else's 12 - 14 so the number is meaningless.

amother

↑ Sunflower

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 10:42 am

amother Denim wrote:

In fact, a boy said no to my very pretty dark-haired daughter, and we heard he was looking for a blonde.

I’m sure there are boys that prefer blonde but there are also boys who prefer brunette. I don’t think brunette is seen as second best overall… just a preference in the same way some may prefer outgoing and some prefer quiet some prefer down to earth and some like the opposite etc.

amother

Marigold

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 10:45 am

My dh comes from a family who are heavier with a lot of curves he was the only one who wasn’t heavy and was only attracted to the stick thin types I’m a size 0 and stayed that size after having kids so it worked out but even if I gained weight he wldnt care anyway at this point. I don’t like the hypocrisy though of men letting themselves go and expecting their wives to stay thin - that’s so wrong.

amother

↑ Amaryllis

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 11:35 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

Amen! I’m sorry for what you go through with your husband. I relate! My husband loved my (unedited!) pictures, but somehow when we met in person, he wasn’t into my body type. He opted not to tell me at the time, thinking he’d get used to it. Well, he did, and we got married, but his attraction was never very strong. So, when he got older and his libido naturally started to decrease, our intimacy went to zero. He’s a good man and a good husband in every other way, but that’s a big thing to really suck. I honestly don’t know how much longer our marriage can survive, even though I don’t think I could do any better at this point, and I don’t want to be alone. Maybe I could learn to accept it if I actually were ugly, but until I met him, everyone wanted to be set up with me because they thought I was so gorgeous. People still tell me I’m so gorgeous. A relative who looks just like me is in fact a model. I know I look good, but I’m not HIS look, and that’s extremely painful for both of us. So, I’m not on board with pressuring singles to date someone they aren’t so attracted to, no matter how great a catch the person is. If someone has a hard time finding her match because she’s not thin enough, I’m sure her eventual husband will have rejected wonderful thin ladies because they were too thin! Just focus on finding your one, instead of getting caught up in whether you’re considered desirable to the masses. You’re only looking for one spouse, right!

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 4:21 pm

wrkngmomof2 wrote:

I was told by a Shadchan, “the only thing standing between your daughter and any boy she wants is 15 pounds”
My daughter is kah very beautiful both inside and out and a size 8!
I find it very off putting and am wondering if it’s the boys or their mothers? Would a mother speak to her son and explain that a woman’s body is constantly changing and there is no guarantee that the body she had when she was 20 will be the same at 25?
What about Rose Yeshivos? Are they explaining that the physical appearance is a very small part of marriage?
This attitude is not Torah oriented at all.

This is nauseating, I'm sorry. Your daughter will marry the perfect person for her at the right time, with or without 15 pounds.
Maybe this shadchan is sabotaging all her shidduchim and telling people that she's not thin.

↑ Ruchel

Yesterday at 2:22 am

amother Marigold wrote:

That's the worst

amother

Lotus

Yesterday at 4:21 am

Often what she boys mother and sisters look like is what the boy thinks is normal and attractive for a woman. I know a bocher I’m helping in Shidduchim. His mother is a size 4, his sisters are a size 0. They all look like they walked out of a runway show. He’s not interested in an average girl, and def not fat. So what? There’s all kinds of men and some men do want curves. My husband is unattracted to pencils. He prefers me a bit fatter and retaining my
Curves.

amother

↑ Cyclamen

Yesterday at 4:47 am

amother Lotus wrote:

But just dont make assumptions, my husband comes from such a family and married me who is not like that and is very attracted to me