WWYD- my son called his rebbe (indirectly) a monkey...

↑ notshanarishona

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 11:55 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

But the child didn't say it to the rebba. The rebba overheard a conversation & punished a 6! year old because of that. That is harsh & if the rebba is so sensitive, he's working with the wrong age children. 6 year olds tend to say silly things. We don't need to hear & acknowledge everything they say.

Op isn’t denying her son said it

amother

Kiwi ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:33 am

Yes his friend tattled and yes the Rebbe was possibly mekabel rechilus but your job as a parent is to bring up your children to be Ehrliche yidden with good middos.
At minimum I would say why did you call your Rebbe that could be his Rebbe acts funny sometimes or whatever and he didn't even mean it negatively. But really there's no need to make a bit deal about it. If you think it's appropriate you can ask your son if he wants to apologize and just write a note that says "I'm sorry Rebbe". I think as a parent this can be done with warmth and love so the message your child gets is they made a little mistake but he's a great kid who knows what the right thing is.

amother

Tomato

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:41 am

chanatron1000 wrote:

If a six year old called me a monkey, I'd tell him off because it's important to teach that it's not acceptable behavior, but I'd be suppressing my laughter because that's actually adorable.

I seem to recall a very different reaction from you when my 4-year-old referred to their bus driver as a monkey (to me). It was around the time of the George Floyd riots and although tempers were flaring, the irony is glaring. Calling a rebbe a monkey? Adorable. Calling a bus driver a monkey? Unacceptable, disrespectful...oh, the irony is real here.

↑ Raizle

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:09 am

amother Chambray wrote:

I agree with this

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:49 am

amother Natural wrote:

6 year olds are babies and say stupid things!

They are NOT babies and you know that. And yes they say stupid things. They need to be told it's not acceptable.

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:03 am

amother Tomato wrote:

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to respond to this by calling you an elephant. (I trust you'll understand I'm not referring to your physical appearance.)

ETA: In case this somehow wasn't clear, this is a memory joke. An elephant never forgets.

Last edited by chanatron1000 on Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:26 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Pear ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:13 am

amother Tomato wrote:

You don't see the difference between calling a black person a monkey and a child randomly calling a white person that? C'mon.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:20 am

Its not OK for your son to have called anyone a monkey, let alone a teacher/Rebbe, Your lucky to have a Rebbe that knows how to respond, another one may have overreacted and sent the kid home to learn middos.
If you let this go by now, in 20 years your son may be doing worse.
Its OK for your son to learn there are consequences to his actions. Even if the actions were minor.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 2:22 am

amother Tomato wrote:

I feel badly for your sons and even worse for your future DILs.

momofqts

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 3:41 am

Being disrespectful to a rebbi is never acceptable. Even not in front of him. I would definitely want my child to get that message. However, not in that way!
Was the child spoken to (aka educated) in a non judgemental way? Maybe he was singing happy birthday and said "rebbi looks like a monkey" as part of the song. Doesn't make it right, but does give context.
Whatever the case was, a birthday is a great opportunity for a rebbi to focus on how he values that student individually. He messed up here. I wonder, what the child took from this episode. I cant imagine anything positive.
I alos wonder how his tattle teller friend feels.
I hope the rebbi learns from this experience and does better next time.

amother

↑ Beige

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:17 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

I feel badly for your sons and even worse for your future DILs.

Why?
They are both wrong. 6 year olds are compulsive and say inappropriate things. Neither of these are correct. A child shouldn't be calling a black man or a rebba a monkey or anything else. Both need to be handled calmly and correctly

amother

↑ Kiwi

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:27 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

They are NOT babies and you know that. And yes they say stupid things. They need to be told it's not acceptable.

I still remember when I was a little kid maybe 7 years old and I sang some jingle about being fat that my sibling sang at home and I thought it was cute, maybe I even inserted my teachers name into it and one of my classmates told me it wasn't nice and I was quite taken aback but then I thought about it and realized she was right. B"H my kids have been brought up knowing that you don't make fun of people or call them names

amother

RosePink

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:43 am

Did you ask your son what happened? For all you know the other kid said rebbe's a monkey and your son said yeah and the kid went and tattled on your son.

amother

Violet

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:57 am

This is like really not a big deal. Making a bigger deal out of something that shouldn't be a big deal is silly.

patzer

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:59 am

amother Pear wrote:

You don't see the difference between calling a black person a monkey and a child randomly calling a white person that? C'mon.

No, I don't see the difference. Can you please explain?

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 5:19 am

amother Beige wrote:

Yes, handled calmly and correctly, not told " its adorable", which is what I was responding too.
Giving a kid positive reinforcement for chutzpah is going to make him a horrible adult who thinks he can get away with things, like pretend slapping the cleaning ladies rear...

amother

↑ Pear

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 5:32 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Read her post again. She did not say she thinks it's adorable. She was questioning why someone else said that it's adorable.

amother

Hyssop

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 5:35 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

I feel badly for your sons and even worse for your future DILs.

cinnamom

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 5:47 am

6 year olds aren't at an age where they're necessarily thinking before speaking or filtering through their thoughts. A rebbe teaching that age should understand that and know how to be mechanech and correct behavior for the future. Not take personal offense and punish a child for it. Kids need to be shown how to integrate into polite society by course correction or by watching others setting an example. Punishing him for a moment of thoughtless behavior doesn't teach him how to be a mentsch in the long run. Sure, kids can be mean, but as the adult it's on you (rebbe, in this case) to turn it into a teaching moment.

amother

↑ Chambray ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:59 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Op isn’t denying her son said it

But the child didn't say it to the rebba.
A different child went to tattle to the rebba & the rebba believed the 6 year old tattle & punished a 6 year old because of that. That is really immature and inappropriate of the rebba.