Cutting my hours | Imamother

amother

Bluebell

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:55 pm

I went back to work after two months of giving birth. I felt I was more productive and happier. yes every one made me feel guilty and we did need the money but I couldnt stay home any more emotionally. I do make sure the few hours I am with my children I give them my all and Im not on the phone. I feel better that I contribute and the pressure is a drop less and I feel happier as a person.

amother

↑ Azalea

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

We do need the money and my husband and I feel I am more suited to an office than full time mothering. I'm just a happier person when I'm productive rather than sitting on the floor playing with kids but I'm so tired of all the judgement already. My coworkers won't leave me alone! So I guess I'm really just venting, more than looking for solutions since deep down I know the right answer.

Not every mother who makes the choice to sit on the floor with her kids does it because she loves it. We do it because we feel our children will benefit from it.
I have a hundred things in my life that are more exciting and make me feel productive, believe me.
I do it because I feel it’s the right thing at this point.

amother

Crystal ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:45 am

amother Azalea wrote:

Same. I'm not naturally the maternal type and spending time with my kids is really hard for me. I would work until 5 and through weekends any day. But kids going to a sitter after a long day of school, its sad. They need a mother more than just on weekends. Not judging OP - I understand her all too well, just pointing it out.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:53 am

Ok I didn’t read all the comments but if you really feel that you’re managing and you love your life and get enough time with your kids then don’t cut your hours!

It’s up to you and your husband and your kids, nobody else .

tulip3

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:58 am

I know people who are doing what you're doing and the kids were okish for the first few years of their life and then as they got older started complaining..
After a long day of school, kids need a calm mother ready for them at home, not another babysitter.

amother

Feverfew

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 9:00 am

If you feel like you and your family are managing, your kids are not complaining, and are able to emotionally be there for your kids when you get home from work I don't see why you need to cut your hours.

I personally cut my hours after my 3rd because I wasn't managing my home, was exhausted with no capacity to emotionally be there for my kids after work, and wanted to be available to my kids more.

Just fyi 2 kids was much easier to keep my full time schedule. After I had my 3rd I found it to be much harder. I would just wait and see how you manage and don't pressure yourself one way or another.

amother

Copper

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 10:25 am

amother Forestgreen wrote:

My parents worked full time and then some. I was raised by the tv. People thought I was well adjusted. I’m a wreck and will be in therapy till I die.

Can I ask what about your child hood made you a wreck?
My mother and her sibling were what she called "latch key kids". They came home to nobody there. Father was nifter very young and mother had no choice but to work full time.
BH they both are well adjusted and are living full lives. Im just wondering what about it made you a wreck. But I am sorry you feel that way.

amother

Waterlily

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 11:06 am

No one should be telling you what to do. If you are managing, if you need the money, your kids are well taken care of and if you like it- what's the issue?

We push men to not work. We push women to not work. Both for good reasons. But Then we complain schools have no money, we can't pay for our kids needs, this and that community need isn't being met... we can't have it both ways.
Money isn't everything. But it also doesn't grow on trees.
If we don't have money to pay for basics, our kids will suffer too.

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 12:39 pm

First of all OP,

I truly believe the best mothers are the ones that make sure their cup is full and give their all to their kids at the times that they are able to which you seem to be a very consistent mother while filling your own cup at work. Kol Hakavod.

Second of all,

I think some posters are skirting the fact that YES this works for them now and YES in the future the kids will really appreciate being in a financially stable family.

oakandfig19

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 12:46 pm

It sounds like your family is doing well with this arrangement and you need the money. And you’re home all day Friday! That’s better than most full time workers. I would ignore the pressure do what’s best for your family.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 12:49 pm

Do you have to deal with your job when you're not officially working? I work part time so to others it seems like I have tons of time to spend with my kids but in reality my job takes over my life and I'm constantly "working" even if I'm technically home. If you're able to be present when you're home it makes a big difference (quality vs quantity...)

amother

Blush

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 1:28 pm

I would and did cut my hours. I don't know how you have supper on the table and run a household - perhaps you do that by having lots of paid help?

I would chesbon the extra sitter money, extra shortcuts (bought food) or laundry help and see if I would be able to make it work. I want to be the one smiling to my kids when they come home. I want to hear about their day. My little ones hang around me after 3 while I cook some dinner. I have almost no housework after bedtime (kitchen/toys cleanup is about 30 min). I'm also pregnant with my 3rd bh.

amother

Babypink

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

I've been working 9-5 ever since I got my first job 7+ years ago. I really think it's something I've been handling well. I get a fresh supper on the table every night, I keep my house clean and my laundry under control...I'm bh expecting my 3rd baby now and I'm under tremendous societal pressure to cut my hours to work until 3. I really think I can handle working full time and we also really need the money. Do I cave to societal norms and pressure or continue to work full time? Maybe there's something wrong with me? In my community, ppl typically cut down when they have their 1st baby. I get so many comments and jdugement even now working full time with 2 kiddos..

make new friends..
unless these people are offering to pay your bills it is absolutely no ones business how much you work and who cares for your children as long as they are safe.
sounds like you would be happy to continue the way things are so why not?

amother

Catmint

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:42 pm

tulip3 wrote:

I had a similar set up to op till my kids were 4 and 3. Once my daughter was in pre1a and I had my third it stopped working, they needed more of my emotional and intellectual energy. It was no longer just a bedtime routine and books and kisses. My daughter wanted to show me her homework and I needed to review Alef Bais and shmooze with her etc.

That being said as long as you have your eyes open, take it stage by stage. This is your parenting decision to make- I wouldn’t cave to “society” and others opinions.

amother

↑ Crystal

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

OP says she needs the money. Why is this even a question? We aren’t talking about a luxury here.

She said her coworkers are judging her for not cutting back, so I'm suspecting she lives in a community where finding a job from 9-3 isn't that hard , and doing some hours at night to compensate for the pay. It is a lot harder to entertain your kids all afternoon and log in again at night after- but since she posted here for advice, I don't think it is outrageous to point out that it can be more beneficial to her kids even though they seem happy and well adjusted.

amother

Oatmeal ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ppl feel bad for my kids that they spend so many hours out of the house. They go to a sitter after school...

That’s really not good for your kids. Cut your hours and be there for your kids.

amother

↑ Oatmeal ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:06 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Sending kids to a sitter after school is not ideal. Doesn’t matter how short or long their day is, one they finish off their day the best thing you can do is to be the one taking them off the bus and be the first one to hear about their day.
Personally, I’d only work those hours if I couldn’t cover basics otherwise.

This. Op, it’s really sad for your kids that they don’t come home to a mother after school.
It’s a big mistake that you’re making. I would rethink this.