Cutting my hours | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:36 pm

I've been working 9-5 ever since I got my first job 7+ years ago. I really think it's something I've been handling well. I get a fresh supper on the table every night, I keep my house clean and my laundry under control...I'm bh expecting my 3rd baby now and I'm under tremendous societal pressure to cut my hours to work until 3. I really think I can handle working full time and we also really need the money. Do I cave to societal norms and pressure or continue to work full time? Maybe there's something wrong with me? In my community, ppl typically cut down when they have their 1st baby. I get so many comments and jdugement even now working full time with 2 kiddos..

Success10

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:39 pm

Is the judgment about how it’s too many hours for you to handle or because you’re not spending enough time with your kids? Not that it’s anyone’s business either way.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:40 pm

Success10 wrote:

Is the judgment about how it’s too many hours for you to handle or because you’re not spending enough time with your kids? Not that it’s anyone’s business either way.

Ppl feel bad for my kids that they spend so many hours out of the house. They go to a sitter after school...

amother

Tanzanite

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:41 pm

My 3 year old goes to bed at 6:30.
What time are your kids going to bed? How many hours a day do you spend with them?
It’s all about what’s more important to you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:43 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

My 3 year old goes to bed at 6:30.
What time are your kids going to bed? How many hours a day do you spend with them?
It’s all about what’s more important to you.

They go to sleep 7:30. I don't spend a lot of time with them monday- Thursday but they seem to be happy, well adjusted kids

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 3:55 pm

You’ll never get these years back, if you can swing it financially you should cut down and be with them more. Especially once you have another child, a baby takes up a lot of time and you’ll have even less time for the other two kids.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 3:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why would you let anyone ELSE besides you and your husband, dictate if or how much you should work?

You are going to get the same here, the women that will make you feel guilty about working full time.
If you are able to hack it and need the money, what is there really to talk about?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 4:06 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

We do need the money and my husband and I feel I am more suited to an office than full time mothering. I'm just a happier person when I'm productive rather than sitting on the floor playing with kids but I'm so tired of all the judgement already. My coworkers won't leave me alone! So I guess I'm really just venting, more than looking for solutions since deep down I know the right answer.

nicole81

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

Don't worry, your kids will need you way more when they're older than they do when they're little. Don't let other people guilt you into doing what's right for your family situation.

amother

Jade

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:30 pm

If your kids are happy then great. If they start complaining and their complaints make sense then see if you and your husband can stagger your hours so they don't need to go to the babysitter right after school. School is long and tiring for kids and often they want to be able to relax with their families, not go straight to something else.

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:13 pm

My littles were v happy with a sitter. It is when they are older that they start to need you more in the evening.
I totally get it but for me it works well to do long hours 3 days and then a half day on 1 day and have Fri at home. I still work 50 hours/week.

If your family is happy then don't worry about others pressuring you to do it their way.

singleagain

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:21 pm

I am 38 years old. For as long as I can remember my mother had a 24/7 full time job that also meant she endured an hour and a half to two commute to work then the same back and I have always been super proud of her and the work and does. She also never never made me feel like I or my siblings came in second to her job.

She was BH by the time we kids really needed able to be flexible at her job. And was always able to take off to chaperone out trips or do other in school activities and such. We did have babysitters over the years or went to a teacher after school.

But it is something I am proud of her for. She is still an amazing mom.

It's all in the attitude you give over.

Some people are better moms when they work out of the house. If that will be you. Then kol hakavod. And don't let your coworkers guilt you. You do what you need for your family as long as your okay with your decision I will daven that your kids will be proud of you the way I am proud of my mother

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:29 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

I am home with my kids Friday, Shabbos and Sunday. (I work from home Friday). I work 35 hours a week total.

amother

Topaz ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:32 pm

OP I get you. I am at a new job and I was guilted in doing a 9-3 schedule (prior was always at 35-40 hours). Now 8 months in and re-negotiating for full time salary and hours since I need the money and I see that I can put in the extra time. For reference I have a large family with kids ages 12 down. You do what works for your family

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:34 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

Thank you. I feel so seen!

amother

↑ Topaz

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:35 pm

To add, at one point in my career I worked 7:30-3:30 so I had FT hours but was home with kids after school. May be worth considering an alternate schedule if it's better for you

amother

Azalea ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:47 pm

Sending kids to a sitter after school is not ideal. Doesn’t matter how short or long their day is, one they finish off their day the best thing you can do is to be the one taking them off the bus and be the first one to hear about their day.
Personally, I’d only work those hours if I couldn’t cover basics otherwise.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:52 pm

My parents worked full time and then some. I was raised by the tv. People thought I was well adjusted. I’m a wreck and will be in therapy till I die.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:53 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

My parents worked full time and then some. I was raised by the tv. People thought I was well adjusted. I’m a wreck and will be in therapy till I die.

Kids are naturally very resilient. My kids are 3 and 5 and this is the only life they know. They have never once complained and they are the happiest kids alive!