How to tell tutor I'm not paying for the Chanukah party

Raizle ↓

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 8:30 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

Good luck having her come back. I would not work a family if a mother would not pay me because we had a laid back session.

Except it wasn't a laid back session. It wasn't a session at all. It was a party.

If she would have brought donuts and ended off early that's one thing but she took a whole session parents were counting on to prepare their kids and made a party out of it. I agree that it's not fair to expect OP to pay for that

↑ Raizle ↓

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 8:32 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

Sometimes, it's for connection, and to boost motivation, so the learning will go better next time.

What if you dgtr doesn't show too much interest, and other session are wasted on too much shmoozing, and now she let her have her fun, but then it will be serious learning from now on.

Similar, my therapist used a session to celebrate my birthday, we painted, in a diff room, but we did do some processing in meantime. It was lighter, so you open up more, and also show that she cares, and for more connection. It has a long term goal too, not just to waste time.

On chanuka, kids aren't interested in learning. I remember in school, we expected some fun chanuka games or parties/celebrations and didn't want to learn.

This isn't school though. It's a very different situation

icedcoffee ↓

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 8:57 pm

As a teacher/tutor I find these responses insane... this isn't a school situation where we have 180 days together and need to sprinkle in a few light days to build lasting connections and combat burnout. And it doesn't sound like they're 5 years old and played "games" that secretly taught them to build their fine motor skills and phonetic awareness or whatever. The parents are paying per session for test prep. At the very least, if you're going to decide on your own that the kids need a break, check with the parents beforehand. Though I would personally be so embarrassed to even broach that conversation. If I thought a kid was working hard and needed to take a breather, I would suggest canceling the Hannukah session, not asking if I can bring a donut instead of doing my job but still be paid my full amount for no reason whatsoever.

amother

Wine

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 9:02 pm

So confused by some of these responses. OP hired the tutor for a specific job, had she decided to have the girls for an extra half hour on her time and give them a nice party that’s one thing but to use their entire 30-45-60 minute session to party when she’s meant to be teaching/helping them for this test that is coming up is unacceptable.
Imagine you pay an organizer $200/hour to come organize your house and she decides to bring donuts and some games to have a getting to know you party for 1 hour and then she only starts working you would absolutely not pay her for that first hour where she did not work. Obviously if while you ate some donuts you discussed organizing strategies and what kind of containers you need for you house that would be acceptable.

↑ watergirl ↓

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 9:05 pm

amother Wine wrote:

I think this is one of those threads where not everybody understands what OP is talking about, and or they did not read OPs posts carefully. She was pretty clear and I think most people just don’t understand what she’s talking about when she says it was to prepare for a specific standardized test.

↑ notshanarishona ↓

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 9:07 pm

Op doesn’t know if the tutor is charging for the session but I also do think its different if they were working together for 3 weeks or 3 months. To make a party while 3 weeks would be totally Inappropriate and unprofessional, 3 months would be more in the realm of normal to have down time with in the tutoring time especially since in a group

Last edited by notshanarishona on Sat, Dec 28 2024, 9:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ watergirl

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 9:08 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

I feel like we are missing the full picture over here (as someone who has worked in school for 20 years a lot depends on the specifics of the job) .
Is this a tutor hired privately or from school? Title one funds or ODE? All all the parents paying out of pocket ? Does the tutor consider that she is being paid per session or does she get a salary from the school? Do they have a long term relationship? Are you billed monthly or per session?
It’s fairly standard for all the different interventionists and therapists to have a chilled day or party day with their students the week of Chanukah, normally with some educational goal, and the parents who don’t want that cancel sessions that week. It’s very hard to be productive. That being said, 100% if you are being billed per session privately she needs to ask you first and you shouldn’t have to pay but just saying I rarely see a single student come back from a private therapy / intervention/ tutoring/ session on a holiday without treats/ prizes/ looking like they had a party.

OP was pretty clear in her first post and in her subsequent replies. She is paying a lot of money to the tutor per session. This is not a therapist or an interventionist, this is a tutor hired to prepare the students for one specific standardized test. Like the ACT or SAT or MCAT, etc. these are older teenagers.

zaq

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 11:10 pm

icedcoffee wrote:

This.

camp123

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:27 am

amother OP wrote:

Just to clarify, absolutely nothing was learned during this session. It was sufganiyot and shmoozing. The teacher is the type that enjoys shmoozing with her students. The session was one of a handful left before the test, so we were counting on every session to be productive. The sessions are expensive, at least for us, even though it's a group class. I deny my self things like much needed extra help around the house so that DD can have the extra tutoring. So I will not be paying for the session, but I'll be nice about it.

I completely agree with you. You are paying for tutoring, if she chose to do something else she should have asked you. I would have called her immediately after the session to tell her that I was disappointed and that I didn't think it was a fair use of time. How old is the tutor? You can't just change the product you are providing without telling the person paying.

↑ abound

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:14 am

amother OP wrote:

I was responding to someone who said maybe it was spontaneous. We didn't know about it, but the tutor planned it.

Thats not okay. She is not a resource room or long term teache/ therapist....but a short term tutor. Im assuming she is young and does not realize that this is not the norm.
No advice for how you should go about it.

NechaMom

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:45 am

amother OP wrote:

DD and 2 other friends are being tutored, like a prep course for a kind of standardized test. The tutor decided the session before Chanukah would be a party and they didn't do any learning at all. The teacher treated them to sufganiyot and they all just hung out. First of all I was annoyed because I want DD to be learning in this time. 2nd of all, one of the other mothers thinks the tutor is charging us as if it's a regular session.

Obviously I'm not paying for that, but how to tell her? And do I tell her I don't appreciate the session was wasted on a chanukah party that we didn't ask for? (In a nicer way) .

"While my daughter enjoyed the chanuka party I really wish you would've asked the mothers if we want to spend the designated tutoring time and money on a party. I'd prefer if you'd give a regular tutoring session and maybe 5 minutes of a game at the end."
See what she responds. Maybe she wasn't planning to charge.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:49 am

icedcoffee wrote:

Agree . I am stunned by people’s chutzpah. Or maybe they are just plain being dumb . Everyone is creating these alternate scenarios…
I’m bewildered . It happens often on imamother …

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:51 am

notshanarishona wrote:

But op didn’t say they had down time within the tutoring time . She said the whole session was a party with zero learning .

↑ notshanarishona

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 3:27 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

But op didn’t say they had down time within the tutoring time . She said the whole session was a party with zero learning .

For sure the tutor made a poor unprofessional choice. If I personally would make an issue/ risk ruining a relationship over it would depend on the other dynamics I mentioned as to how big of a deal it was to me.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 3:49 am

So first of all, she billed us for the month and did in fact charge us for the session. None of us mothers are paying but one of the other mothers took it upon herself to nicely explain why and our disappointment. We have another tutor lined up if she has a problem with our not paying.

A couple important points
1 There was zero learning at the session
2 This is intense studying for older kids with a limited amount of sessions. We didn't need her to become our kids' pal or confidant or whatever. It isn't therapy...

The tutor is young and I think she thought this was okay and normal. She is bright, but clearly lacks common sense. Thanks all who answered.

amother

Winterberry

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 3:50 am

amother OP wrote:

You’re totally in the right here

amother

Viola

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:41 pm

I work as a tutor in a school, taking kids out from class for one-on-one. This week a lot of the kids didn’t want to come because they were doing fun Chanukah things. What am I supposed to do, force them to come learn while all their classmates are doing a project?

I don’t know exactly how the school bills for the tutoring.