Help me wean + sleep train my 14 month old

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:08 am

She's not a huge solids eater so I'm constantly worried she's hungry. We also cosleep and she nurses constantly throughout the night.

It's getting too much for me for a number of reasons:
1) She's growing BH and it's getting tight to have the two of us in my twin bed. My body hurts. Ugh.
2) We'd like to start seriously TTC and it will likely not be a straightforward journey (Hashem can make miracles, though, right?). My periods are super wonky as it is.
3) I constantly feel guilty about how much of her diet is nursing.

Looking for ideas of pareve or fleishig finger foods to make her. In my head, if she ups her food intake, she'll stop nursing as much.

As for sleeping, we've been wanting to move her to her own room but haven't take the plunge for several reasons. One of them being that it's also our home office, and DH gives a Zoom shiur one night a week. Also, unless DD is completely asleep, she starts wriggling and crying the moment I lower her into the crib. So I've basically given up on it for now.

Also, not sure about how to comfort her during the night. Last time I tried, she shrieked and shrieked until I have in. She wouldn't even take a bottle. Not interested in screaming sessions at 2 AM.

All advice appreciated!

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:25 am

amother OP wrote:

I am absolutely against sleep training, it goes against nature. Young kids need their parents to feel safe.
Also if you really want to do it anyway, dont stop nursing and start sleep training. One at a time. Start with the nursing. You can transition to a bottle. Your husband can also give a bottle at night. Your daughter can have her own bed next to yours. Thats what we do and it works great. We stopped with milk at night at 18 months. We put in a bit of water and she didnt like it anymore. But you have to make sure she eats better during the day

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:30 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

I also don't like the idea of sleep training but I'm not sure how else to get her to sleep on her own. It's really not sustainable to have her in my bed at this point.

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 7:17 am

My baby is much older, 22 months and I ccould have written this. Lol

Although my bed is bigger, 48 inch bed.

I would never sleep train, when she wakes up, I give her water and cuddle her lay next to her, back to sleep.
I do have a toddler bed in another room but she still wants to sleep.with me.

I know its not forever..

Bh its working, Im ok with nursing to sleep.

amother

Garnet ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 9:00 am

Op, I’m anti sleep training but I wanted to say that even those who are pro it would say you need to make sure she isn’t hungry. Your first priority would be making sure she has 3 meals a day plus snacks, and a cup for drinking. You can then nurse all you want on top of that.
You can’t sleep train and take away her night nursing if she isn’t eating enough solids. Even a baby who if nursing around the clock at 14 months needs 3 meals of solids a day. Good luck.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 12:53 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

Any ideas of what to feed her? Specifically lunch time. She's at daycare until 1 and there she eats fruit, puree pouches, cheese sticks, pretzels and bamba.

Not sure what to give her when she comes home. We don't have a milchig side, so only packaged things.

Should be introducing cows milk too?

amother

Sunflower

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 1:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

yes to cows milk after 12 months

give her whatever you eat. have her join you at mealtimes and let her try anything except the obvious choking hazards (nuts, popcorn)

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 1:14 pm

amother Sunflower wrote:

yes to cows milk after 12 months

give her whatever you eat. have her join you at mealtimes and let her try anything except the obvious choking hazards (nuts, popcorn)

The only meal we eat together is dinner. I drop her off super early to daycare so no breakfast and im not really a lunch person.

When we do eat, she mostly plays with her food and not much actually makes it inside.

amother

↑ Garnet ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 1:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does she have for breakfast?
You can buy a Betty Crocker or toaster oven to be able to cook dairy for her.
Ideas for lunch would be scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese, cottage cheese, soft whole wheat bread with peanut butter, fish sticks, pancakes, slices of hard cheese on soft bread, pizza, grilled cheese, salmon or tuna.
You want to serve a starch, protein and vegetable for lunch. Avocados, tomatoes cut up, bananas, blueberries can be good add one as well. At 14 months they eat everything you eat just be sure nothing is a choking hazard.

amother

↑ Garnet

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 1:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

The daycare should be serving her a real breakfast not just snacks then. She should have cereal and milk, oatmeal with a yogurt with a banana or something filling.

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 3:47 pm

I'm going to address two of your three points.

First of all, there's no reason to feel guilty about how much of her diet is breast milk. It's a good for her. It's a blessing.

You do want to work on giving her more food. Real food. Adult food. Whatever you eat. Chicken rice potatoes, meat, pizza you name it. And ignore the stupid scheduling rules. You can give her chicken for breakfast or meat for lunch in school. But you don't have to cut back on the nursing. She can't nurse more then is healthy for her. That's a myth.

For the people saying bottles, there's no reason in the world to introduce bottles after a year. Same with cow's milk. You could try but to get her to drink milk but not all children drink milk and that's fine. A good percentage of kids are lactose intolerant anyways.

It doesn't sound like you're looking to sleep train her as much as crib. Train her. Approach it that way. You're trying to teach her to sleep in a crib. You don't have to let her cry alone ever. If she wakes up you go to her and comfort her or sit with her until she folds back asleep. She can cry but she shouldn't cry alone. Eventually she'll learn to sleep in her crib without ever feeling abandoned. She can cry to protest, she doesn't have to like the idea, but you don't have to leave her alone to cry.

You can also wean her but I don't know how fair it is to try to wean her and crib train her at the same time. Try one at a time. Eventually you could try to get her to sleep through the night without it. Waking up at all for you but again one thing at a time.

amother

Brown

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 3:59 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Thank you soooooo much for this!! I am in a similar situation and this makes me feel a ton better.

mathbrain

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 10:26 pm

I can almost write the same. And this is kid #6 for me. It happens eventually 🙈.

At the moment, I’m up to level 2. I nurse my baby (17 months old) to sleep first time around, but in middle of the night I try giving her bottles. If she refuses, I nurse her after a few minutes. But she’s taking the bottles more.

Also, when I put her to sleep to begin with, I lay down on the bottom high riser (trundle) in her room, nurse her there. Transfer her when shes sleeping, but keep my arms around her after I put her down for another minute or two. Doesn’t always work. Sometimes she just sleeps on the bottom high riser (on the floor) which I push against the crib one side and add a bar to the other side so she can’t fall off.
If I have the energy at 3am, I go there to put her back to sleep. Otherwise, she’s in my bed (most nights) from middle of the night and on.