Why does Hashem make babies not sleep?? 😭😭

amother

NeonYellow

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 6:11 am

Unpopular opinion, but this was the main factor in why I had fewer kids than I wanted. There was only so many times I could live like this before I broke. And no, cosleeping didn't help, I was still just as sleep deprived and miserable.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 6:28 am

I totally relate and have wondered the same. It removes the ability to enjoy our precious. Little ones. Right now I don't have a baby but I'm expecting twins soon. Since there's no way I'm up for no sleep for months on end times two, a night nurse for the long term is a necessary and yet very difficult expense. I have no choice but between that and having to cut my day work hours, twins is a bracha but a huge financial stress.

amother

Snow ↓

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 6:57 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

Not a popular opinion but...

I don't think it's fair to blame hashem or nature when this may be a man-made problem.

I may be wrong but I believe if we'd treat our babies the way nature intended -- kept close by and nursing on demand for 2+ years, baby induced sleep deprivation would be very rare.

I bedshare with my babies and nurse them side lying. I can latch and unlatch them basically in my sleep. I don't relate to this exhaustion.

Or the man made problem is not letting a baby cry a little & get to sleep on their own 🤷‍♀️

amother

Bellflower

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 7:38 am

amother Powderblue wrote:

I love sleeping and cuddling with my babies. Mine is already 18 months but has a sleep schedule of a newborn. Wakes up every few hours to nurse. My DH thinks I'm crazy for still nursing and not getting a good sleep. But I feel like my baby still needs it ( he's a terrible eater)
It's for sure hard with sleep deprivation, not always being able to fall back a sleep...but I love the bonding time I get with my little one, so I just concentrate on that.

Could I make a suggestion, maybe he's a terrible eater because he's nursing every few hours?

mommy3b2c

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 7:43 am

amother Orange wrote:

If I didn't co-sleep I would be inhuman by now. Yes they wake up a zillion times but I don't have to fully wake up to nurse them back to sleep.

This . I slept with all my babies . I barely woke up . Just pulled up my shirt and fell back asleep . I wouldn’t be able to survive otherwise.

bnm

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 7:45 am

I wonder the same. I tried nursing. Cosleeping. Formula feeding. Sleep training. One of them the dr said I can sleep train but if they wake up I have to feed- kid was failure to thrive. It did help with having an established bedtime. At this point I just function at 50 to 75 percent capacity.

amother

Cherry

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 7:47 am

For all those saying they bedshare/ cosleep, curious if you follow safe bedsharing rules? Firm surface, no pillows/ blankets near baby?

Don't think I would be able to sleep well that way... also would have anxiety that I am ch"v smothering my baby in my sleep so that would get in the way of my sleeping

amother

Sand

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 7:55 am

amother Cherry wrote:

Same. I could never sleep with a baby in my bed. I keep them inches away & nurse exclusively but not in my bed.

oneofakind

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 8:14 am

At 10 months I realized my DD was "snacking". Uh no. You're eating solids by day, you don't need snacks every three hours. I let her cry it out. I couldn't anymore.

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 8:23 am

I hate when people call it a manmade issue and just say to cosleep.
I've never taken an actual poll but I'd guess that those who sleep well cosleeping and nursing are equal to those who just can't.
Whether because they don't do well sharing with a moving, snuffly baby. Or the anxiety. Or they need their soft mattress, pillows, blankets to sleep. Or their baby doesn't just latch on easily. Or they're large breasted and need their hands to help hold and support. Or for so many reasons.

I had a very difficult baby. Up all night, eating. I barely slept. And I was totally dangerously sleep deprived. I hated the comments that implied that I was at fault for not being able to get sleep. That I chose to not be able to sleep and nurse with that baby in my bed. And therefore I don't deserve support or even help.

OP, I'm sorry. It's exhausting. And you probably don't want to hear advice or how everyone else is so much better at managing than you.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 8:27 am

amother Seashell wrote:

Good for you! My biggest regret with my twins is not getting help for a night. I legit didn’t sleep for months on end (they were both very colicky) and it really affected my physical and mental health

amother

Peru

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 8:51 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

Yup same
Babies are actually not supposed to have an uninterrupted sleep pattern believe it or not. And in every culture before western medicine, mothers were the very best place for a baby to sleep (in safe cuddle curl position with baby’s face next to mothers breast)

Also, in regard to waking up multiple times, change the narrative!!!
Tell yourself “my body is strong, capable, and vital, no matter how many times I was awakened last night! My body was built for this!”
Saying something like this actually physiologically changes your body’s responses. It’s really incredible

mizle10

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 9:14 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

I actually sleep way worse like this. It's dangerous, and I'm too conscious of the baby next to me to fall into a deep sleep. If I get out of bed to feed the baby at least I'm getting 2-3 hours of deep sleep at some point during the night.

amother

Charcoal

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 9:19 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

My baby is only 4 months old but I keep her crib riiiiight next to my bed just for this reason. So I can just stick my hand in between the slats and pop the paci back in her mouth without even having to sit up. My husband was just asking when we will move her to the other room and I was like no time soon. Too convenient having her right there.

OP it’s hard but unfortunately this is just one of the challenges you were dealt in life. Not all babies are actually such poor sleepers, you’ve just been given the slightly more night-time needy ones.

Do you have money for a sleep coach to help you out? Sounds really rough what you’re going through and how sleep deprived you are.

Wow, I never had that experience! Just pop the paci back in ? My babies are so difficult, they are up and crying and I need to nurse and burp and rock them and pace the room/hall for them to calm down. For hours.
Count your blessings!!

amother

↑ Snow

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 9:26 am

amother Peru wrote:

And comments like this also seem to insinuate that if a baby is not the kind that enjoys cuddling next to their mother it means that there's something wrong with the mother or the baby.

Personally I like cuddling. I sleep w/ dh every night, curled next to him. But half of my kids
once they hit about 4 months did not like laying next to me unless they were actively nursing. The minute they were done they needed their own space.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 9:42 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

I did all of this and was still extremely sleep deprived. My babies woke up a lot and did not sleep well especially when they were teething.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 12:40 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Me too. I want a baby but just can't handle the sleep deprivation. My whole family suffers from it and I just can't bring myself to put myself thru it again.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 12:44 pm

Well, Hashem also made babies with two parents and they should be taking turns at night so one parent isn't overwhelmed

Co sleeping would never work for me. I need my space in bed and can't fall asleep if someone else is there

And like other posters, I definitely take the sleep deprivation factory into consideration when deciding if I should go off BC or not