Bullying in yeshivah

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 1:21 am

My teen son is being bullied. He's such a normal kid with lots of friends and is also really nice, funny, and overall great kid.

He doesn't tell me anything though. I found out from his friends that there is one kid who apparently beat him up twice already if not more times. Apparently a bat was involved and he was bleeding. first time my husband called the school and the other kid got suspended.

This time I want to be more forceful but I never dealt with this before. What do I do? Until this is resolved, I'm not sending him back to school.

Molly Weasley ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 1:40 am

What does the school say now? Is the kid still suspended?

Also, is it bullying or a fight? Does the perpetrator have a "click" of admirers, or a one man show?

Keeping your son home should be a last resort, especially during high school. It can affect his social standing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 1:43 am

Well his friends told me about it so clearly they were not happy it was happening.

I'm a little more worried about him being attacked with a bat than his social standing.

amother

Ultramarine

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 1:53 am

I think you need to meet with the principal and see if he has any more information for you. You need to know the full story. Make it clear that your sons life is in danger and he needs to take immediate action.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 2:48 am

keep your son home until resolved my ds went through major bullying it was so sad. The schools don't do anything switch his school asap!

Either the kid doing the bullying has to leave or your son needs new school it will not stop so easily.

If you have $ tell school no $ util fixed maybe that would help. . ..I wouldn't give any more tuition either until fixed.

amother

PlumPink ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 6:04 am

If there were witnesses and especially if a bat was involved, the bully could probably be tried for assault. I'm not saying you should necessarily actually file a police report at this point but maybe you can use it as leverage when you demand action.
Is there any way you can find out more about what's going on, maybe through your son's friends if your son won't tell you?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 7:00 am

I wouldn't report to the police.

There were witnesses.

I guess I will try to get the full story and keep him home till I do.

amother

Cornsilk

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 7:28 am

If my son was chv attacked with a bat in yeshiva, I would do as follows.
Call the admin and inform them that they have 24 hours to deal with the situation. If it isn't dealt with by that time in a way that is appropriate, I will call the police and report it as assault.
Period, end discussion.
This isn't a couple of 9 year Olds. A teen knows the difference between right and wrong. The only thing that would hold me back from doing this is if the perpetrator is know to be intellectually disabled or something like that.

amother

Strawberry

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 7:47 am

It's more concerning that your son doesn't feel comfortable telling you.
My son had one bullying scenario this year and straight away he told us. And anytime another kid gets bullied hell tell us.
The boys mesivtas are like kindergarten I'm noticing. My son's class just ended up with a bleach fight in yeshiva in the dining room. Crazy.
Please figure out why he doesn't feel safe sharing. And give a call to the principal and ask how they handle bullying.
So sorry youre experiencing this. It's so painful to watch a teenage child get bullied.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:35 am

amother Strawberry wrote:

I have lots of kids and most tell me stuff. I think its just his personality to not talk. I asked him this morning and he said he didn't tell me because I would make a big deal about it. I told him that getting attacked by a bat and bleeding is a big deal.

I kept him home today and will call the school this morning.

amother

Marigold ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:38 am

This is terrible. The school has to have a severe reaction to it. He didn’t come home bruised and bleeding? FYI people have died from being hit by a bat, it’s seriously not a joke! It’s insane violence and needs to be dealt with as such.

chanatron1000

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:38 am

Bullying is harassment and should be taken seriously. Beating someone with a bat is full on assault, the kind you're supposed to involve the police with.

amother

↑ PlumPink ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:42 am

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't report to the police.

There were witnesses.

I guess I will try to get the full story and keep him home till I do.

I didn't mean to actually report, I meant to do something like what amother cornsilk said. If the administration doesn't take this seriously you can use it as a threat. I'm not the type to go around threatening people but this situation is so serious it needs some serious action.

Sewsew_mom ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:42 am

amother OP wrote:

You're doing the right thing.
And also he's telling you why he doesn't share with you things.. Think about it.

amother

↑ PlumPink ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:44 am

chanatron1000 wrote:

Bullying is harassment and should be taken seriously. Beating someone with a bat is full on assault, the kind you're supposed to involve the police with.

But I do agree with this that a full on beating with a bat should involve the police. It depends how bad it was.

amother

↑ Marigold

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:44 am

Sewsew_mom wrote:

You're doing the right thing.
And also he's telling you why he doesn't share with you things.. Think about it.

It’s not on her. Many kids are people pleasers and only want to make their parents happy, not because they have a bad reaction they just don’t want to talk about unpleasant things. It’s a personality.

Petra

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:50 am

amother PlumPink wrote:

There are no “if” situations. Demand the school to answer and respond regardless of the status of the bully.

And is this really a bully? Something sounds off with the dynamics. Sounds more like an actual criminal (or perhaps seriously deranged individual). My DD has an individual in her school who is not violent but has serious issues and mentally unstable with boundary troubles.

↑ Sewsew_mom ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:35 am

amother Marigold wrote:

Children want to make parents happy. So parents can learn not to get too involved, too angry, too frustrated so the child feels safe. Children need safety to share. It's unnatural for a child to just not to share with parents something big like this. I disagree about it being a personality.
I'm not blaming OP. I'm just saying it's something to think about on the side of this terrible situation.

PinkFridge ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:38 am

amother OP wrote:

Well his friends told me about it so clearly they were not happy it was happening.

I'm a little more worried about him being attacked with a bat than his social standing.

I know this is already high school but the yeshivah needs a program for the sake of all the kids. No bystander should have to suffer guilt because he didn't know what to do, or was too scared to.