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Forum
-> Fashion and Beauty
What’s more important to you
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| Pretty |
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66% |
[ 109 ] |
| Skinny |
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33% |
[ 54 ] |
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| Total Votes : 163 |
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amother
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 Today at 4:27 pm
| amother Alyssum wrote: | | Serious question- for who’s shidduchim? Women Are marrying women now? Last I checked only the boy getting married has to care what she looks like. This is the most ridiculous thread ever |
Seriously, it's pretty sick. I can't think of a stranger poll for frum women. What kind of girl are you looking for in a shidduch? Try imabachur.com if you're looking to find a girl you're attracted to for a shidduch.
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amother
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Today at 4:38 pm
This poll was mostly what you prefer yourself to be, and then included what you would prefer in a shidduch for your child, since I wanted to hear your opinion about others, but in general in life you aren’t making choices about others and their looks.
In shidduchim in many circles the parents do have the first say in the choice of looks of a shidduch that is redt to their child since they are the gateway to their child. Many many shidduchim do get nixed on externals-heights hair color, weight, looks, etc before the boy/girl even has a say. (If it’s right or wrong isnt the discussion here- but it’s a fact that it happens).
So I just wanted to know the general preference.
I do feel like the Heimish world does lean towards skinny- so I’m surprised with the poll results.
Now obviously intelligence, middos and erlichkeit is the most important and we don’t need to argue about that!
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observer
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Today at 4:41 pm
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Where's the vomit option?
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amother
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Today at 4:46 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This poll was mostly what you prefer for yourself, and then included what you would prefer in a shidduch for your child, since I wanted to hear your opinion about others, but in general in life you aren’t making choices about others and their looks.
In shidduchim in many circles the parents do have the first say in the choice of looks of a shidduch that is redt to their child since they are the gateway to their child. Many many shidduchim do get nixed on externals-heights hair color, weight, looks, etc before the boy/girl even has a say. (If it’s right or wrong isnt the discussion here- but it’s a fact that it happens).
So I just wanted to know the general preference.
I do feel like the Heimish world does lean towards skinny- so I’m surprised with the poll results.
Now obviously intelligence, middos and erlichkeit is the most important and we don’t need to argue about that! |
Yes, we got it. But why in the world would any frum women prefer any sort of girl for themself, thin, pretty, ugly, whatever for themself? If you're interested in women, you're clearly on the wrong site.
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amother
Seashell
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Today at 4:48 pm
| amother Vanilla wrote: | What does not skinny mean?
I doubt ppl look at 400 lb person and said she’s so pretty.. |
Really????? 😳
I'm not 400lb but I have been 350 (tall) and I have been told many times that im pretty. And dh definitely thinks I'm gorgeous and gets very turned on by me.
What a strange comment....
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amother
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Today at 4:49 pm
| amother Jetblack wrote: | | Yes, we got it. But why in the world would any frum women prefer any sort of girl for themself, thin, pretty, ugly, whatever for themself? If you're interested in women, you're clearly on the wrong site. |
Appreciate that you’re being purposely obtuse. It’s adding color to the thread…
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amother
Natural
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Today at 4:51 pm
| amother Mistyrose wrote: | I'm pretty and not skinny, never was.
I loathe myself every day.
I wonder if I'd be thin and not pretty if I'd like myself better. who knows? |
I have 2 sisters in law. One is conventionally pretty and slim and the other one is not conventionally pretty and she's not skinny. First sil looks into the mirror and criticizes herself constantly. Hates herself. Second sil looks into the mirror, thinks she looks great and just loves herself. I just love the woman. She's the most beautiful person in the world.
I think beauty and loving oneself is a lot about perception about ourselves.
I once had a woman tell me that she's grateful to her husband for her pretty children because she's so ugly. I look at her and couldn't believe she said that. She has blue eyes, dark hair and dark skin. In my opinion, a beautiful combination. I told her so, I told her that I think she's so pretty. She refused to believe me. She's convinced she's ugly I thought that was really sad. I don't know what is causing all this self criticism and self loathing that we have for ourselves, most of it being just a skewed perception.
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amother
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Today at 5:00 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This poll was mostly what you prefer for yourself, and then included what you would prefer in a shidduch for your child, since I wanted to hear your opinion about others, but in general in life you aren’t making choices about others and their looks.
In shidduchim in many circles the parents do have the first say in the choice of looks of a shidduch that is redt to their child since they are the gateway to their child. Many many shidduchim do get nixed on externals-heights hair color, weight, looks, etc before the boy/girl even has a say. (If it’s right or wrong isnt the discussion here- but it’s a fact that it happens).
So I just wanted to know the general preference.
I do feel like the Heimish world does lean towards skinny- so I’m surprised with the poll results.
Now obviously intelligence, middos and erlichkeit is the most important and we don’t need to argue about that! |
I am so happy I don't run in the same circles that you do.
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amother
Mustard
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Today at 5:25 pm
This poll does not reflect reality.
A girl above a size 12-14 (NOT 400 pounds) has a very very hard time in shidduchim, more so in the communities where the mother is involved in the selection. Regardless of whether she is pretty or not.
A not pretty or average looking girl who is a size 6 will generally not have that issue.
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amother
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Today at 5:41 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Appreciate that you’re being purposely obtuse. It’s adding color to the thread… |
Multiple posters said the same thing, are we ALL being purposely obtuse? You're clearly not getting a very important point that many posters have brought up here.
You know about the guy who is driving down the wrong highway and says that everyone else is driving the wrong way? Think about it.
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amother
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Today at 5:43 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Appreciate that you’re being purposely obtuse. It’s adding color to the thread… |
Honestly, I was assuming you initially meant for your son but were phrasing it in a very distasteful way, but I honestly have no idea what you could mean about what you want in a girl for yourself other than something very inappropriate for a frum woman to be asking on this site.
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amother
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Today at 5:46 pm
| amother IndianRed wrote: | Multiple posters said the same thing, are we ALL being purposely obtuse? You're clearly not getting a very important point that many posters have brought up here.
You know about the guy who is driving down the wrong highway and says that everyone else is driving the wrong way? Think about it. |
Yes, you want to tell me and half the society that we shouldn’t make decisions for our children’s shidduchim.
You want me to not care or have preferences about the looks of my dil. And maybe that’s ideal, but it happens.
So you’re making it seem like I want to be with a woman, which you know isn’t the case.
But we will be a big part of the decision making process anyways.
Because that’s how our shidduchim work.
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amother
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Today at 5:50 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Yes, you want to tell me and half the society that we shouldn’t make decisions for our children’s shidduchim.
You want me to not care or have preferences about the looks of my dil. And maybe that’s ideal, but it happens.
So you’re making it seem like I want to be with a woman, which you know isn’t the case.
But we will be a big part of the decision making process anyways.
Because that’s how our shidduchim work. |
So then what do you mean by saying what you're looking for for yourself vs what you're looking for, for your child. Because you said it started out as the former and then became the latter. And I'm scratching my head as to what other thing you could mean when you say a shidduch for yourself if you're not meaning for your child and somehow not meaning for yourself either.
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amother
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Today at 5:52 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Yes, you want to tell me and half the society that we shouldn’t make decisions for our children’s shidduchim.
You want me to not care or have preferences about the looks of my dil. And maybe that’s ideal, but it happens.
So you’re making it seem like I want to be with a woman, which you know isn’t the case.
But we will be a big part of the decision making process anyways.
Because that’s how our shidduchim work. |
Um, I married off two sons and currently have two sons in shidduchim. It wouldn't dawn on me to look for a specific body type or whatever unless my son requested it. Obviously everyone is looking for thin and pretty but that's because everyone always wants the best for their children... the way you phrase it - that YOU care - well, all I can say is I hope you change your attitude completely by the time your son(s) are actually in shidduchim. Otherwise, and I mean this literally, you will be destroying their lives.
The reason why we are all making jokes about your being with a woman is because this thought process is so strange to us. YOU have a preference??? Why in the world? Why are you so willing to destroy your children's happiness over something which is not relevant to them at all?
And I beg to defer, that's really NOT how the shidduch process works, and that thought is deeply dysfunctional.
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amother
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Today at 5:52 pm
| amother Jetblack wrote: | | So then what do you mean by saying what you're looking for for yourself vs what you're looking for, for your child. Because you said it started out as the former and then became the latter. And I'm scratching my head as to what other thing you could mean when you say a shidduch for yourself if you're not meaning for your child and somehow not meaning for yourself either. |
I need to go back and see how I phrased it but I meant would you prefer yourself to be skinny or pretty.
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amother
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Today at 5:57 pm
| amother IndianRed wrote: | Um, I married off two sons and currently have two sons in shidduchim. It wouldn't dawn on me to look for a specific body type or whatever unless my son requested it. Obviously everyone is looking for thin and pretty but that's because everyone always wants the best for their children... the way you phrase it - that YOU care - well, all I can say is I hope you change your attitude completely by the time your son(s) are actually in shidduchim. Otherwise, and I mean this literally, you will be destroying their lives.
The reason why we are all making jokes about your being with a woman is because this thought process is so strange to us. YOU have a preference??? Why in the world? Why are you so willing to destroy your children's happiness over something which is not relevant to them at all? |
You’re saying you want to find someone thin and pretty for your own son because you want the best for him- because you think skinny and pretty is the best.
What Im saying is that thin isn’t “the best” in my opinion. While “pretty” is the better than not pretty.”
Now I have a Long list of other things I’m looking for- and this will be at the end of it… but I can still prefer something over the other. Just like you can.
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amother
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Today at 5:58 pm
| amother OP wrote: | You’re saying you want to find someone thin and pretty for your own son because you want the best for him- because you think skinny and pretty is the best.
What Im saying is that thin isn’t “the best” in my opinion. While “pretty” is the better than not pretty.”
Now I have a Long list of other things I’m looking for- and this will be at the end of it… but I can still prefer something over the other. Just like you can. |
No I did not say that at all. You might want to re-read.
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amother
Aconite
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Today at 6:00 pm
I know someone who will say no to a shidduch for her son if the girl is not both pretty and skinny.
She would also like the perfect family and money because why not? So far her son is in shidduchim for two years and she hasn't said yes to anyone yet. Such people actually exist...
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amother
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Today at 6:02 pm
| amother IndianRed wrote: | Um, I married off two sons and currently have two sons in shidduchim. It wouldn't dawn on me to look for a specific body type or whatever unless my son requested it. Obviously everyone is looking for thin and pretty but that's because everyone always wants the best for their children... the way you phrase it - that YOU care - well, all I can say is I hope you change your attitude completely by the time your son(s) are actually in shidduchim. Otherwise, and I mean this literally, you will be destroying their lives.
The reason why we are all making jokes about your being with a woman is because this thought process is so strange to us. YOU have a preference??? Why in the world? Why are you so willing to destroy your children's happiness over something which is not relevant to them at all?
And I beg to defer, that's really NOT how the shidduch process works, and that thought is deeply dysfunctional. | [b]
See what you wrote here…
All I’m saying is that while I do understand that all else being equal, while pretty to me is better than not pretty, skinny to me is not better than regular to XL.
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amother
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Today at 6:03 pm
| amother Aconite wrote: | I know someone who will say no to a shidduch for her son if the girl is not both pretty and skinny.
She would also like the perfect family and money because why not? So far her son is in shidduchim for two years and she hasn't said yes to anyone yet. Such people actually exist... |
Yes there are people who exist who are destroying their children's lives with their own two hands, like I wrote above. How sad...
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