Pretty or skinny | Imamother

amother

Magnolia

Yesterday at 9:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

While I will have a say in who he meets, the last word is his.
A great girl that’s really not pretty will bother me…I’m sorry. I might continue the shidduch anyway, but it will bother.
A girl being a size 14-16 will not bother me. I know it will bother many other mechatenistes.
And that’s where I realized what I am more into between the 2.

WHY in the world would any of it bother you?!?!?!?! You aren’t marrying her!!!
Why do you care what she looks like at all?!?!?!?!?!?!
I redt shidduchim A lot and mothers who tell me that they want their sons to marry a particular looking girl irk me. Why do you care?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:21 pm

amother Magnolia wrote:

Good question.
I’ll have to think about it…

amother

Mocha

Yesterday at 9:29 pm

I'm anorexic and id rather be skinny than pretty. I know im ugly because of my eating disorder and not attractive. Malnourished and balding with a side of lanugo is not beautiful but I dont care. Being mentally ill is not about being gorgeous. If I wanted to be pretty not skinny I would have to gain weight and it wouldnt be worth it to me. Sorry you asked.

amother

↑ Jetblack

Yesterday at 9:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I need to go back and see how I phrased it but I meant would you prefer yourself to be skinny or pretty.

So you really should have said that. But that is NOT what you originally said in your op. "In shidduchim? For yourself?"

Also, if you're going to go back and change your op after several pages, it's really not so nice to just completely change what you said and make it look like the rest of is are crazy for responding to the original post as written, especially after calling us all obtuse. Most people say ETA and then add a clarification at the end rather.

amother

↑ IndianRed

Yesterday at 9:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

See what you wrote here…
All I’m saying is that while I do understand that all else being equal, while pretty to me is better than not pretty, skinny to me is not better than regular to XL.

I didn't say I was looking for thin and pretty, I said everyone is looking for a thin and pretty girl for their son. There is a huge difference. Everyone wants thin, pretty, smart, capable, rich, and in a boy, smart, capable, good learner or good earner, rich... just like everyone wants to live in a beautiful large house in the center of town, have a dream job where they work two hours a day and make 500k a year...

Obviously we all want everything but that's fantasy and then there's reality. In real life, if you find a girl who is compatible for your son in other ways and he likes her but you don't think she's pretty, or thin, or whatever... well, you're not the one getting married, he is. And if he likes her its selfish to stand in his way. You are making it sound as if you will have a whole lineup of girls and all you have to so is pick the one you like. Well, maybe your last name is Rothschild and in that case you can get everything, so why pick skinny OR pretty? You can get both. But my last name isn't Rothschild and my sons do not have unlimited choices...

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 9:55 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

I agree with you.

amother

Wandflower

Yesterday at 10:12 pm

As as naturally super thin girl who is not conventionally pretty I voted pretty.
It's interesting because a lot of members of my husband's family struggle with weight. They will constantly me comments to me saying how good I look because I'm skinny and I'm so lucky.

I usually don't respond but personally I would very quickly trade a a thinner body for a prettier face

amother

Cornsilk

Yesterday at 10:16 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

I am conventionally beautiful but overweight.

I have a pretty face and good features and if I were thin I would be model level beautiful. I was as a teen and when first married.

Now a bunch of kids later and I struggle with my weight and I'm not as young.

I hate how I look and would much prefer less perfect features but a better body that can easily find nice clothing and look put together easily.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Yesterday at 11:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m pretty and not skinny, would be very bothered if I’m not pretty, I’m working on my weight…

For shidduchim I believe that a girl being pretty will be important to me. Reg and a bit larger would be okay.

Are you dating girls? Or want your men to be pretty? So confused....

amother

Garnet

Yesterday at 11:38 pm

Just saying that sometimes, if someone is not gifted with conventional good looks, she will be more inclined to develop other parts of herself, like midos , intellect, sense of humor, emotional depth, etc. Some do the brightest, funniest and nicest people that I know are not necessarily conventionally pretty or thin.
I think the most important thing for you to seek for you son is a girl who is happy with who she is, and constantly seeking to grow.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder anyway, so you’re wasting your time trying to find someone that you think is good- looking . Your son is the only one who has to find her attractive.