Hashem I can’t anymore. Either him or me…

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:08 am

doodlesmom wrote:

If he is a tzaddik out of the house can he maybe go to a relative or Bubby for a couple of days until you get a hold of yourself?
It might be beneficial to all.

It’s a good idea, I send him whenever an opportunity arises. but gets bored very fast because there’s no one to punch in the face there! And then keeps asking my why did you send me?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:12 am

giftedmom wrote:

Refuah helpline might be able to help or at least direct you to resources.
You said your child is 12. Has this been going on since he was born?

Yes. From the moment I went into labor, in a restaurant bathroom no less! craziest quickest most painful birth ever!
We did rebirthing a few times. This child has been the hardest cry baby I’ve ever seen. And so on.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:16 am

amother Sapphire wrote:

Difficult children are so hard. My 13 year old is very very difficult. I like to think of the stuff he does once in a while that are just so amazing or cute or helpful. I actually went to a therapy at one point with dh to learn to deal with him. It didn't help much...he is constantly keeping me in my toes. Bh he is healthy and I just try my best. I'm sure your son has some amazing qualities and maybe think of those.also tap into his hobbies. My son like to cook. I give him cooking jobs to make him feel good. Etc

I know. I need to sit down every night and write down all his good parts! And he really has a lot of amazing qualities! It’s just so hard. I did that 5 years ago. The older he gets the harder it becomes.

amother

Watermelon

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:16 am

Go to a psychiatrist or psychologist for testing or diagnosis. You might want to go to your own therapy too, you are talking in a concerning way.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:18 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

I would suggest a phone consultation with Rabbi Brezak. I think you can request it from his website. I found his advice very helpful for a different situation. There is hope!! Hatzlocha!!

Thanks, I will check out his lectures

amother

Maple

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:22 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Bridges is a frum organization that help families find placement for their child with another family. It's good to know about it, especially if the child is a very well behaved child out of the house

They don't currently do placements for children with SN (and it sounds like this child might be....)

I have a relative who is not managing with her SN (high functioning, brilliant, on the spectrum) son, and she has not been successful with finding a placement for him. Just to give you an idea of what she lives with: He has gotten hold of the car keys at 4:30 am and gotten out of the house thru a window. On 3-day YT he turned up the heat in the house so it was boiling hot, and unplugged her refridgerator.

People live with alot, and it's not on us to judge them about their reactions if we aren't in their shoes.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:39 am

amother Maple wrote:

Remind me please what’s SN? I’m sorry for your relative, that’s hard.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 10:36 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m open for suggestions. I’m located in Monroe. After dinner I quietly said something like let him die, now in the car My husband said not to talk like that, you can have thoughts but don’t say them. I exploded in tears! For 12 years I’ve been keeping thoughts to himself and if I said that aloud you better take it seriously!!

That’s what giftedmom is lovingly telling you. That if you feel this way then therapy will help you get to the grounded place…the truth…which is that he is twelve. He is a child who was given a challenging suitcase.

You clearly haven’t gotten therapy if for 12 years you have been thinking these thoughts. And that is not to be harsh on you. Opposite. It is to show you what a huge amount of help is awaiting you as soon as you decide to get help.

Children learn to be normal by co regulating. If we are angry at them they feel it. Be strong. You got this.

Hugs it’s so challenging.

amother

cornflower ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 10:42 am

I used Dr Yosef Posey for such a child. In six months, you have no idea what a turnaround I got. You would never ever believe it. My son hardly talks English, Posey is weak in Yiddish but my son did understand. and he listened.

Six months later, we stopped going to therapy and the child is acting like a mentch!!! you would never believe it!!! The house is a calm peaceful place.

It was torture for me every week. I traveled in from Williamsburg. The kid didn't talk a single word in the room each week. Hardly looked into his face, but we got the work done. We started by age of 12 1/2. Try him!!!

amother

↑ Seablue

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:08 am

I would reach out to Achieve Behavioral Health. They have lots of resources. It's a good place to start, both for yourself and your child.

You can't do this without support. Of course you're breaking.

Things can get better. I promise. ❤️

↑ giftedmom

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Has he ever been evaluated or diagnosed ? Is there a reason you let this go on for 12 years without intervention? Do you have social anxiety or some other mental health struggle yourself?

amother

Brunette

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:31 am

amother cornflower wrote:

Do you have any more information on him? How was he recommended?

amother

↑ cornflower

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:35 am

amother Brunette wrote:

Do you have any more information on him? How was he recommended?

what information do you need? my own therapist recommended him.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 6:35 pm

Just an update, we bh got an appointment this morning at achieve for an intake. The guy really listened and asked all the right questions for an hour and sent us for a psychology evaluation. Hes thinking it might be asd.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 6:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does he do? Psychology?
Thank you!

Quick google search tells me he is one. Does he speak Yiddish? And is such a visit covered by insurance? Because I was told there’s no such thing. Wonder if it’s true. Besides if I want to go with kj school district. I don’t know how to proceed