Hashem I can’t anymore. Either him or me…

amother

Feverfew

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 10:02 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Op you need therapy for yourself asap. Your child’s behavior is difficult but your reactions are a bit extreme.

I wouldn’t say her reactions are extreme because I have definitely felt this way at certain points in my life. But I do agree she should go to therapy to help her deal with everything that comes up.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 10:08 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Op you need therapy for yourself asap. Your child’s behavior is difficult but your reactions are a bit extreme.

I’m open for suggestions. I’m located in Monroe. After dinner I quietly said something like let him die, now in the car My husband said not to talk like that, you can have thoughts but don’t say them. I exploded in tears! For 12 years I’ve been keeping thoughts to himself and if I said that aloud you better take it seriously!!

amother

↑ Waterlily

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 10:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

For sure needs meds. But need to find someone to guide me. I’m in the car with hub I told him to make one reach out phone call or else he can drive over my body

Call one of the referral agencies

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 10:54 pm

wrkngmomof2 wrote:

Please contact Relief, hopefully they can guide you so that you can start living a more peaceful life. https://www.reliefhelp.org/

Thank you, Left them a msg. But I remember now that his current therapist was suggested by them.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 10:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Refuah helpline might be able to help or at least direct you to resources.
You said your child is 12. Has this been going on since he was born?

↑ giftedmom ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 10:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you, Left them a msg. But I remember now that his current therapist was suggested by them.

I haven’t had much success with them in the past. Dr mandelman in bp is great with diagnoses. And there’s a psychiatrist in Monsey whose name escapes me at the moment that many people go to.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:00 pm

Difficult children are so hard. My 13 year old is very very difficult. I like to think of the stuff he does once in a while that are just so amazing or cute or helpful. I actually went to a therapy at one point with dh to learn to deal with him. It didn't help much...he is constantly keeping me in my toes. Bh he is healthy and I just try my best. I'm sure your son has some amazing qualities and maybe think of those.also tap into his hobbies. My son like to cook. I give him cooking jobs to make him feel good. Etc

doodlesmom

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:05 pm

If he is a tzaddik out of the house can he maybe go to a relative or Bubby for a couple of days until you get a hold of yourself?
It might be beneficial to all.

up high ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:08 pm

OP, we need to create a support group for mothers like you, me, my sister and several other mothers going through this journey with such a challenging child.
We need guidance, support and a mehalach for them.
It's excruciatingly hard! Be kind to yourself and try to keep strong.

Last edited by up high on Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Azure

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can any organization guide me? Where do I start?

Maybe do a neuro physo evulation on him
..thats what I did for my kid

↑ up high

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:10 pm

amother Azure wrote:

Maybe do a neuro physo evulation on him
..thats what I did for my kid

Email me to join a special moms chat (in Monsey)
btdt.hug@gmail.com

amother

Carnation ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 5:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Nobody on this earth knows what gehenom we are going through. I can’t even try to begin to explain. This 12 yo child is a tzaddik as soon as he leaves the door. Everybody adores him. Therapist can’t really find what’s wrong with him. I can hide a recorder but I need to find someone intelligent to listen to it

I believe you. I feel you.
Your 12yo and my 13yo can be best friends.

amother

↑ Carnation

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 5:46 am

giftedmom wrote:

Op you need therapy for yourself asap. Your child’s behavior is difficult but your reactions are a bit extreme.

If this were her DH and she was living with out of control behavior 24/7 you wouldn't say her reactions are a bit extreme you'd say it's understandable that she reacts this way when she's being abused 24/7.

It's much easier to dump a problematic spouse than a child who it's so miserable to live with you're better off dead. But parents of such kids get practically zero support whereas a woman living with a much less problematic spouse has an out - divorce - and she'll get support and not judgement.

You can't divorce your kid and any way to remove the child puts the entire family at risk and even if you do it all you get is judgment on how you wouldn't have done it if you were only a decent parent...

No, just, if you don't have a child like this, just don't judge.

amother

Peru

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:00 am

I know that this will sound like its not the answer to your question.
Please try to go the Ribnitzer Kever in the Vizhnitz cemetary in Monsey and daven your heart out for this child. Ask the Ribnitizer to daven to Hashem on your behalf.

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:39 am

I would suggest a phone consultation with Rabbi Brezak. I think you can request it from his website. I found his advice very helpful for a different situation. There is hope!! Hatzlocha!!

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:50 am

Bridges is a frum organization that help families find placement for their child with another family. It's good to know about it, especially if the child is a very well behaved child out of the house

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:06 am

amother Peru wrote:

Thank you, my husband was there before the new cheder zman, he bh got a great rebbi! we also go a few times a year.