Maybe someone has a brilliant idea

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 8:46 am

I have a daughter with AuDHD who's room is always a wreck. I'm loosing it already.
Her clothes are always all over the floor. Everytime she looks for something she dumps everything out. She gets overwhelmed and frustrated and just dumps and dumps until she finds what she needs or decides that she's giving up. Once everything is on the floor it's too overwhelming for her to clean it back up and put it back where it belongs.
I can't shadow her all day and night to catch her doing this.
I tried putting her clothes in buckets not even folded so she can just move things around and see and I don't have to get upset about the clothes unfolded or a mess. It's also easy to clean up because it just gets dumped back into the bucket. That didn't work because she just dumped the buckets out each time she needed something.
I tried putting her clothes on hangers so she can look at them one at a time and not dump but apparently she still dumps and then it's clothes and hangers everywhere and putting things back is even harder to do.
I'm at my wits end. I know this is a 2 prong issue needing a 2 prong solution. One is behavioral - getting her to do anything is like pulling teeth. And the second is practical- how can I set up her clothes in a way that minimizes the mess?
I'm out of ideas.

amother

↑ Starflower

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:41 pm

I don't have a 9yo with adhd. So it could be this isn't a brilliant idea.

First of all, have you tried discussing the issue with her? What does she think?

I think though, if she's on board, that I'd put her clothing away in my closet. And you will give her the clothing she needs for the next day so that she has that. And if she wants something else she can ask you, and you'll get it for her.

And when she's ready to try to keep her closet clean again, you can slowly give her more and more - ie start with just let's say shirts and sweaters. Then add socks. Then add skirts. Etc. Until she can hopefully manage.

But I do think it's important to do all this with her understanding and cooperation.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:50 pm

I would create a routine of going into the room with her at night to pick out clothing for the next day. Do it with her. Be the one to pull out as she picks.
It seems to be too hard for her at this time to do it alone. With assistance and practice together with you, she will eventually get there on her own. Maybe in a year or two you'll start noticing the difference

amother

Ruby

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 2:01 pm

I think choosing clothes in general is a lot for a 9 yt old.
what if on Sunday she and u pick out clothes for the whole wk. use shelves or shoe hanger pockets to set it up together....things may deviate but she can have a hoodie on standby if it's colder, a jacket she will wear this wk.
each day she can pick something more manageable like her hair accessory or shoes (if she has a choice)
if the selecting in morn frustrates her too than this may be a win win

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 3:12 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Can you be very on top of laundry and cut her clothing down to the bare minimum? With less options she'll find what she wants more easily, and there won't be such a mess.

Cut down her clothes to the bare minimum. One small pile of uniform. One Shabbos outfit, one weekday outfit. Two pairs of shoes. No extra accessories. Everything else, pack away or even give away.

(If you don't want to do laundry so frequently, you can keep extras in your own room. Better if she doesn't know that and you replace them when she's not looking or when you put away other laundry.)

She may protest. You can explain this is a natural consequence (and it absolutely is, it's not a punishment.) When she can keep this amount of clothes clean, you can allow her more.