WWYD? Slob guests | Imamother

amother

↑ Lily

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 11:38 pm

abound wrote:

I would get the couples number and in a very kind and respectful way tell them what they did was wrong. Tell them you have hosted before including ppl from the family. You dont want to tell his sister what happenned because you dont want to embarass them, but this is not ok.
I would assume that they will never do it again after that call.

I agree. Call them

groisamomma

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:34 am

I don’t understand why people don’t go in after their guests leave and straighten up. It’s your guests, you clean after them. We hosted a newlywed couple for Pesach and I went in after they left to pick up the towels, strip linen, and straighten up (we paid for the rental but still just to leave it menschlich). Newlyweds can be self-absorbed and not even realize. If it’s her guests then your neighbor should have come in to clean up after they left.

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:52 am

amother Tulip wrote:

I would not agree to host this couple again. If you don’t want to get into specifics with your friend, just say that that the date doesn’t work for you. I think it’s okay to post a polite list in a lucite frame that says something like: Welcome to our home. It is our pleasure to host you for this Simcha. Please help us by following our house rules so that we can keep our space clean and keep hosting in the future. 1) There are hooks for the towels in the bathroom. Please do not leave wet towels on any surfaces or the beds. 2) Please do not eat in the guest room. We have provided coffee and tea in the kitchen and some snacks. Please help yourself 3)Please make sure that garbage is deposited in the cans that are in the bedroom and bathroom. 4) We are a shoes off household. We have provided disposable slippers in the closet for you. 5) Our septic system is delicate. Please only flush toilet tissue provided. You will find small bags for disposing of hygiene products under the sink6) Please strip sheets and leave on top of beds when you are departing.… (You get the idea)
We’ve had a range of guests from incredibly respectful to incredibly obnoxious. You can be certain that the obnoxious ones were never hosted again. We have always tried to be good guests. We were once hosted by the loveliest retired couple with a brand new magnificent house. Each of us had a private bedroom and bathroom. I had my kids take off their shoes and told them to be extra careful in the bathroom. At the end, the hosts invited us to stay with them during the next family Simcha , so I think we did okay.

I have mixed feelings about letting them help themselves in the kitchen… then they will mess up the kitchen too

amother

↑ Tulip

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 2:04 am

Fair enough on the kitchen, but how are you going to deal with the inevitable food in your guest room? That could lead to stains, bugs, and critters. I think you have to at least offer them a hot drink and cookies/cake for green morning. Some men won’t eat anything at all before davening, but many people need coffee and most women I know eat something.

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 2:06 am

DrMom wrote:

Who leaves a hotel room in such a state? Other than a drugged up rock star?

I also vote for informing her friend. Take photos so she knows you are not exaggerating. It's important that she knows so she can inform them next time they need a place to stay that they should leave the guestroom tidy (or at least not a disaster zone).

We already had this discussion in the summer about the state you leave the rental in, when you assume that you have already paid for cleaning.

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 2:07 am

amother Tulip wrote:

I have no solutions 😰

↑ DrMom

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 2:13 am

imaima wrote:

We already had this discussion in the summer about the state you leave the rental in, when you assume that you have already paid for cleaning.

Normal cleaning, sure. I don't expect my houseguests to mop the tile floor or launder the sheets.

But I expect not to have to apply for a FEMA grant to restore my guestroom to its original state.

amother

Honeysuckle

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 3:37 am

Definitely do not call up the couple, they are newly married and I'm sure have plenty to deal with right now, I can only imagine what their apartment looks like. You don't need to get involved in their SB. I do think speaking to a Rav is a good idea and I think you need to let your friend know in a subtle way as long as it won't get back to anyone else. I would wait a week or two so it's not as fresh in you mind and say something subtly like, "for future my guestroom is still available but for now we're not going to host newlyweds..." she'll probably get the hint an know exactly what you mean.

↑ abound

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 3:46 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Why a Rav?

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:11 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Being newly married is *not* an excuse and reason to be a slob!

ora_43

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:37 am

Honestly I would just ask next time "who do you want to stay here?"

If she knows something's up and suspects her brother was a bad guest, I don't think that's on you. (It's on him, because he genuinely was such a bad guest that you now have to ask.)

OTOH I wouldn't tell her outright what he did. It's lashon hara (probably, I think - although ask a rav if it's relevant). If anything tell the brother directly what he did wrong, don't tell his sister.

Asking which exact guests she's planning to send allows you to avoid hosting this couple ever again, and gives her a hint that something went wrong, without badmouthing the brother or turning down whole categories of guests.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:50 am

We also have a guest suite that sees plenty of use.

There is a couple in our (relatively) small community with many children and grandchildren and every yom tov they ask of we will be away, so people can stay there the whole time.

It was never great, but never mentioned to the parents because not too bad.

The last time we hosted for them was horrendous. Someone had clearly thrown up in the middle of the bathroom, and while the main mess was cleaned there were vomit splatters all over the walls and cabinets. My son had left an unopened toy in the dining room (so not in the guest area) and it was ripped open and played with. Multiple toys in the play room were broken etc.

That time I did say something. The mother was incredibly apologetic, replaced the tot, offered to pay for cleaning etc.

But I have never hosted their family again.

Mainly because after that my children began resenting the mitzvah of hachnasas orchaim, which they had lived up until that point.

But yes, I would say something to your friend.

amother

Freesia ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:55 am

amother Brunette wrote:

Wait you expected them to vacuum??? I’ve never done that as a guest! I wouldn’t even know where the vacuum is! Am I supposed to go traipsing around their house, snooping through everything, to find the vacuum?

Huh? I just stayed in someone's house over the entire sukkos and of course we vacuumed before we left. That's just basic decency.