WWYD? Slob guests | Imamother

↑ imaima

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:33 am

DrMom wrote:

Normal cleaning, sure. I don't expect my houseguests to mop the tile floor or launder the sheets.

But I expect not to have to apply for a FEMA grant to restore my guestroom to its original state.

I replied to the comment about the hotel room. That won’t apply to a private guest room used as a chessed altogether

amother

Copper ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:56 am

abound wrote:

I would get the couples number and in a very kind and respectful way tell them what they did was wrong. Tell them you have hosted before including ppl from the family. You dont want to tell his sister what happenned because you dont want to embarass them, but this is not ok.
I would assume that they will never do it again after that call.

This. She can tell the friend that she wants to call them because they left possessions at her house.

↑ Queen Of Hearts

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 11:16 am

For some reason I can't see the couple caring if they get a call from the hostess. Usually such people have an attitude of entitlement and are lacking mentschlichkeit.

And no one expects guests to mop up and do a full housecleaning. But basic cleanup placing the towels in a pile (or washing them if that's expected), garbage in the can, beds made (or stripped linen. I would ask the hostess), etc.
It reminds me of the mikvah room thread. Yes, there are paid workers cleaning your room after use but basic decency doesn't go out the window if someone is paid to clean your room. All the more so if someone provided you with accommodations as a Chesed.

doodlesmom

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 2:25 pm

My sons stayed by a relative now second days and got a last minute bus ride, which they had to run to catch.
When they let me know that they didn’t make the beds I called her to thank, and apologize.

amother

Lightyellow

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 2:36 pm

I have a basement bedroom with a separate entrance we host anyone who asks regularly, unfortunately some leave it messier than others I’ve never said a word to the neighbors asking us to host their guests…

It’s soo frustrating when you give them such a nice comfortable space and they leave it a wreck- I look at it like my extra zechus of hosting it’s not always pleasant but we get a mitzvah…

I say the same thing when I lend my baby gear out and it’s returned filthy or ripped.

The list goes on not everyone is a mensch.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 3:13 pm

Thanks everyone for your food for thought!

I definitely won't be calling the couple directly. I didn't even meet them and it's not my place to teach them manners and cleanliness. Though it's definitely tempting to ask them if they actually thought that was acceptable. Also, I'm super nonconfrontational, so that means I probably won't be telling my friend unless it comes up. I like the idea of asking who will be coming next time to tip her off, and if the conversation happens then, it happens then.

(Oh, and for those of you who tried to be DLKZ, I'm impressed, but they live nearby and didn't have a bus or plane or anything to catch.)

Again, most people are a pleasure to host, I don't need people to leave the room cleaner than it was when they got here, but this was next level! Too bad I didn't get pictures. But it was a nice lesson for my kids, who were flabbergasted when they saw it.

amother

Cerise ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 3:47 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

Huh? I just stayed in someone's house over the entire sukkos and of course we vacuumed before we left. That's just basic decency.

Same. I stayed in someone's house for second days, paid a nice chunk of money for it too, and vacuumed and left it spotless.

amother

Tanzanite ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:05 pm

amother Cerise wrote:

Same. I stayed in someone's house for second days, paid a nice chunk of money for it too, and vacuumed and left it spotless.

So curious, how did you find their vacuum?

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:26 pm

I would take a $50 security deposit from now on from the family that called initially, to cover a cleaning lady if need be. If not the money can be returned.

amother

↑ Freesia ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:31 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

So curious, how did you find their vacuum?

There's not usually that many places to check. I personally found it in the first place I looked.

amother

↑ Freesia ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:32 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

Huh? I just stayed in someone's house over the entire sukkos and of course we vacuumed before we left. That's just basic decency.

Why would I get two hugs for saying we cleaned??

amother

↑ Candycane

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 4:50 pm

amother Cerise wrote:

Same. I stayed in someone's house for second days, paid a nice chunk of money for it too, and vacuumed and left it spotless.

Staying in someone’s house for yom tov is very different than staying in their guest room. We rented someone’s house for sukkos. We left it spotless. I brought along cleaning supplies. When we go to someone for shabbos I don’t vacuum the room but I don’t leave crumbs everywhere either. We leave it clean but I don’t clean it the way I would clean someone’s house we rented.

amother

↑ Tanzanite

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:06 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

There's not usually that many places to check. I personally found it in the first place I looked.

So, unless I tell you to vacuum, please do not go looking through my house for a vacuum even if you end up finding it in the first place you look.
If you made an enormous mess and feel uncomfortable leaving it, then you should ask me if it's okay to vacuum and where it is.

In conclusion I do not think you should vacuum and someone's house without asking the hostess unless it was specified in your contract.

amother

Bluebell

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:33 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

Sometimes its in the closet of the guest room. No snooping involved. Not that I vacuum guest rooms. I leave them clean obviously. I did vacuum at my ILs cuz I knew otherwise it would be my MIL doing it. No CL ever over there.

amother

↑ Cerise ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:37 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

So curious, how did you find their vacuum?

She gave me a quick rundown of her house and told me to use whatever I need.

amother

↑ Cerise

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:39 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

Ummmm If you're renting your house out to someone including your master bedroom, the last concern is if the guests went looking for a vacuum.

amother

Birch

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:02 pm

OP you need to be honest. If not you are hurting yourself and your chessed you want to do.
What you can start with is that you can be honest and take the before picture, clean room, clean bathroom, folded sheets, towels. Take the picture.
You can tell your neighbors there will be an after picture. If the place is horrible you will show them
or just not them use it.again.
My relative bh' has a lovely home in Israel that she allows friends and neighbors use..
They know there is no bringing food to upstairs bedrooms.
Keep area clean.
drinking and cake is downstairs only.
People listen because they need to use the home and the Hosts make sure the guests know the rules.
Make rules and stick with them.
You can even make a nice laminated sign and hang it up on the front door of the entrance.
Your home is not a hotel.

familyfirst

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:33 pm

Some people host on condition that the relative of the guests (who asked to be hosted) sends her cleaning lady in after guests leave

Makes hosting sustainable and enjoyable

amother

↑ Copper

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:09 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

There is a huge difference between not making the beds and what the OP described (and she said she left out some things!). No need to be dlkz. People should take care of the room as time goes on.. you don't leave cleaning and taking care of someone's possessions till after YT ends.
If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to know this stuff.