Tell daughter that I'm on my period?

amother

Khaki

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 2:23 am

Any poster who tells DD when she's on her period might end up back here complaining DD figures out Mom's mikveh trips. Best to talk about your experience but not in real-time!

amother

RosePink

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 2:26 am

OP as the mother of a kid with anxiety I would do the same, if my anxiety kid was a girl and worried about this.

You know what's best for your child and those not parenting a kid with GAD don't and will never understand you.

If your issue is one of tznius/ privacy I think the answer depends on what's comfortable for you. If she's obsessing about being an invalid she's not likely obsessing about relations or watching for when you are nidda or not. And by the time she might start to think about it you'll be enough out that it won't necessarily be obvious anymore - a couple days here or there, delayed period or ovulation, two packs together, and it knocks it all of schedule. But I wouldn't worry about it, really, because that's not where she's at now anyways.

amother

Rose

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 6:18 am

amother OP wrote:

My pre teen daughter is very anxious about getting her period, it's been on her head literally since she's known about the concept. She's worried that she'd get sick & she'd have to be in bed for days. She's worried that she'll faint. I keep telling her that most people just carry on with life when on their period, but she's still very anxious. Is it appropriate for me to tell her when I'm on my period "I'm on my period now & look, I'm totally fine & doing everything I usually do." Or tell her that I was on my period last week & you see, I was totally fine, nothing happened to me.
I think this may ease her anxiety a bit, but I just wonder if it's appropriate.
TIA

Just keep validating her. I know you're worried about getting your period. It's normal that you feel this way. I will be there with you every step of the way. We will get through this together. I love you.

amother

Whitewash ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 6:28 am

amother Emerald wrote:

Slightly off topic but I’ve never heard the expression on a period. We say, I have my period.
Is on a period grammatically correct?

Same here.

amother

↑ Whitewash

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 6:29 am

amother Linen wrote:

On a related topic, do I share with my kallah daughter that I'm after menopause when talking about her kallah lessons?

Why would you? What does one have to do with the other? It's not about you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:29 am

amother Khaki wrote:

Any poster who tells DD when she's on her period might end up back here complaining DD figures out Mom's mikveh trips. Best to talk about your experience but not in real-time!

I'm obviously not planning on letting her know every time I'm on my period.....

amother

↑ Dustypink ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:30 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm obviously not planning on letting her know every time I'm on my period.....

Bit what do you gain from telling her when you're actually on it??

amother

Ebony

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:58 am

amother Snow wrote:

It's not really a fair comparison. I had terrible periods when I was single. After I got married it got much much better, no comparison.

same

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 8:06 am

amother Dustypink wrote:

Bit what do you gain from telling her when you're actually on it??

That she should see that I'm fine and nothing is happening to me. That a period is not this scary thing that will make her invalid.

amother

Maple

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 3:11 pm

amother Linen wrote:

On a related topic, do I share with my kallah daughter that I'm after menopause when talking about her kallah lessons?

If you are an age that is average for menopause, then I think it can be taken for granted. My dd is not old enough to get married, but I am likely going into early menopause and I think it is important that when my dd is old enough to get married she should be aware she is at higher risk of also getting menopause early.

amother

↑ Dustypink ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

That she should see that I'm fine and nothing is happening to me. That a period is not this scary thing that will make her invalid.

The same exact thing would be accomplished by stating this more generally
That you get it every month and she sees how you're living life and you're not out of commission for a week a month. There's really no need to add more than that.

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:15 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

Slightly off topic but I’ve never heard the expression on a period. We say, I have my period.
Is on a period grammatically correct?

Hmmm. Where I'm from both are used but the "have" version is ambiguous and could just mean you're past puberty and before menopause.

amother

Cerulean ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:47 pm

amother Maple wrote:

This.
My mother went in early menopause and I only found out at 36 myself that she was around that age. I'm now ttc for over a year with fertility issues etc. Im 38. The rav who is helping us said I'm obligated to tell my daughters when they get married this info. Obviously hashem has a plan and I was meant to find out the info then but there is a chance I wouldve taken shorter breaks and had another child at a younger age. We are davening for a miracle iyh.

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 7:57 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

I hope you get your miracle but I would encourage you to see an MFM. Even if you never had issues getting or staying pregnant, they can do a work up and try and help you. I saw one almost by accident and it was super helpful.

In general; I would discuss such topics with my daughter at an age appropriate time and also not in “real time” like a previous poster mentioned. Specifically, I would talk about PMS and potentially having major mood swings. It’s the one time my sister and I would share, usually after we had a ridiculous fight over nothing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 8:07 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

My dd10 has actually asked me if I’m having my period once, cuz I was extremely tired.
She was spot on. I was on day 1.

Why do I find this cute?

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 8:10 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

I have told her this already. Not good enough for her. I think that for kids with anxiety, telling them while on the period or right after, may be beneficial for them & help them with period related anxiety.

amother

↑ Cerulean

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 8:43 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

Amen! After 5 months I went to my ob who ran amh and fsh levels which werent great and they said I need to move on to a RE which is where I am for the last 6 months.

amother

↑ Dustypink

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 9:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sounds like at this point it's just anxiety so addressing this with plain logic won't be addressing it anyways