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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:06 pm
My pre teen daughter is very anxious about getting her period, it's been on her head literally since she's known about the concept. She's worried that she'd get sick & she'd have to be in bed for days. She's worried that she'll faint. I keep telling her that most people just carry on with life when on their period, but she's still very anxious. Is it appropriate for me to tell her when I'm on my period "I'm on my period now & look, I'm totally fine & doing everything I usually do." Or tell her that I was on my period last week & you see, I was totally fine, nothing happened to me.
I think this may ease her anxiety a bit, but I just wonder if it's appropriate.
TIA
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:08 pm
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I’d just tell her do I look like I’m terribly sick every month? Because I get it monthly and you don’t see a difference.
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amother
Snow
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:09 pm
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It's not really a fair comparison. I had terrible periods when I was single. After I got married it got much much better, no comparison.
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Moonlight
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:09 pm
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Or most teens have in a week a month. Do large amounts of girls in school look sick?
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smss
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:10 pm
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I don't really see a problem with that. But I am wondering where did she get that idea in the first place? Is she an anxious kid in general?
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amother
Natural
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:12 pm
| amother Snow wrote: | | It's not really a fair comparison. I had terrible periods when I was single. After I got married it got much much better, no comparison. |
Same here. I had horrible cramps where I literally couldn’t breathe from pain. Bh they completely disappeared after I got married.
Op I would tell her that if she’s in pain you’ll make sure to take good care of her and give her warm water bottles and Motrin. Don’t lie and tell her that it’s a walk in the park because it isn’t for everyone.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:13 pm
| smss wrote: | | I don't really see a problem with that. But I am wondering where did she get that idea in the first place? Is she an anxious kid in general? |
Yes, she's an anxious kid in general. She can't handle the unknown either.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:15 pm
| amother Natural wrote: | Same here. I had horrible cramps where I literally couldn’t breathe from pain. Bh they completely disappeared after I got married.
Op I would tell her that if she’s in pain you’ll make sure to take good care of her and give her warm water bottles and Motrin. Don’t lie and tell her that it’s a walk in the park because it isn’t for everyone. |
Of course I told her that if she's in pain, we'll take care of her.
I did not tell her that it's a walk in the park. I told her that most women girls just go on with life when on their period & you can't notice when someone is on their period or not. She's very worried that she'd become an invalid & won't be able to do anything while on her period.
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amother
Babypink
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:26 pm
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My mother used to make comments or not hide very well when she was having her period and it made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Feels like poor boundaries to me.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:26 pm
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I’d tell her it’s not healthy to overthink it. She can take it day by day. There are medications to help with pain if she does have pain. But she likely won’t have any, most girls go to school and have no pain. How far along is she puberty wise?
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:28 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: | | I’d tell her it’s not healthy to overthink it. She can take it day by day. There are medications to help with pain if she does have pain. But she likely won’t have any, most girls go to school and have no pain. How far along is she puberty wise? |
She's barely started developing. You can't tell an anxious person not to overthink, this will just make her overthink even more....
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amother
Cobalt
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:28 pm
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No don’t tell her. But I like the idea of saying it in general, look at your classmates and all of your cousins and aunts, everyone is functional unless they’re majorly sick with the flu etc.
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chestnut
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:28 pm
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I don't see anything wrong with telling her about yourself being on a period. Of course, you should tell her that if it's painful, there are meds to help.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:30 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She's barely started developing. You can't tell an anxious person not to overthink, this will just make her overthink even more.... |
I would have waited a while longer. Why did you tell her so early? I’d tell her she has about 2 years to go. It actually does work to tell an anxious person that we aren’t talking/ thinking/ obsessing over this all day.
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Raizle
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:32 pm
I see people posting that cramps went away after getting married.
Do you perhaps mean after having your first child?
That's my experience and that of others I know.
I don't know anything about marriage curing cramps and not everyone has a baby straight away or at all so maybe let's be more specific so it makes sense.
Last edited by Raizle on Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:32 pm
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My mom never rly outright told me (maybe in passing idk) but I knew when she had it from the pad wrappers in the garbage. Are you sure she doesn’t realize?
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chestnut
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:35 pm
| Raizle wrote: | I see people posting that craps went away after getting married.
Do you perhaps mean after having your first child?
That's my experience and that of others I know.
I don't know anything about marriage curing cramps and not everyone has a baby straight away or at all so maybe let's be more specific so it makes sense. |
Not marriage curing cramps but relations life.
My cramps didn't go away after marriage or having a baby 
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amother
Viola
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:37 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: | | I would have waited a while longer. Why did you tell her so early? I’d tell her she has about 2 years to go. It actually does work to tell an anxious person that we aren’t talking/ thinking/ obsessing over this all day. |
Op said her daughter is a preteen. I got my period at 11. Op is definitely right to tell her daughter. Girls are getting their periods earlier these days.
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Raizle
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:40 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: | | I would have waited a while longer. Why did you tell her so early? I’d tell her she has about 2 years to go. It actually does work to tell an anxious person that we aren’t talking/ thinking/ obsessing over this all day. |
Why?
She said she's a teen
It's appropriate for her to be prepared now and she'll likely hear about it from others so better her mother is involved.
One of my kids got it preteen early and hadn't yet shown signs.
I'd tell them around the age right before most kids start getting it to preempt them hearing it from others in a not appropriate way and getting freaked out.
I see nothing wrong with her knowing about her mother's periods. The only issue is if you don't want her knowing about your status (niddah) in which case you can talk about yourself in general terms.
Don't over think it.
I wouldn't tell her about being perfectly fine because many girls do get cramps but I would explain that it's manageable and there are medications to help if she does get pain. Fainting is not something that I've ever heard of happening.
Also if she knows a friend who has cramps then you don't want her thinking you are lying or playing it down.
Be honest but make it clear it's not so scary or the end of the world.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:41 pm
| amother Viola wrote: | | Op said her daughter is a preteen. I got my period at 11. Op is definitely right to tell her daughter. Girls are getting their periods earlier these days. |
Yes girls get it earlier but it’s the last step in puberty, so if she doesn’t have breasts and pubic hair she’s not close to getting it. It’s 2 years from when breast buds start. And with anxious kids it’s not necessarily a great idea to tell them that far in advance.
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