Give your opinion! Where to move

amother

OP ↓

Sat, Oct 12 2024, 11:51 pm

Ok .. here’s my story -
When we were newly married we had some savings and I have a cousin who’s a realtor who convinced us to buy a duplex in lkwd where were we then living. We had no idea what DH would do for a career, he knew he wanted to go to school but we figured it would be a good investment... A short while later DH got accepted into a school
and we moved OOT. I love it here but DH is leaning towards taking a job that would take us back to lkwd.
Options are 1. Move into our existing home 2. Sell the home and buy elsewhere. I need help sorting thru my thoughts. I think I’m not a person who ever will thrive in a development setting but the house is sooooo convenient for frum living. That literally the only pro to moving there. If we sell it we’re prob gonna look in TR/jackson and only be able to afford something not so Jewish and maybe eventually be able to afford to fix it up for frum living.
We’re into the current house for so cheap at such a low rate that even taking over the basement would probably be an option in the near future which would leave us with like 10 bedrooms, pesach kitchen, play room on main floor and in basement, lots of guest quarters (we have a lot of OOT fam) etc etc etc
Reasons why I don’t love developments - I’m an introvert who REALLY likes privacy. On my current block I have one from neighbor who’s super duper sweet but nosy and I hate her little reminder texts they really feel like an invasion of privacy (stop noticing every single detail of my life!!!) ex: your stroller is out and it’s abt to rain, reminder tomorrow is garbage day, I see ur car window was accidentally left open etc etc etc. but I do think kids live it up in developments thou I’ll prob go crazy if my kids each have a few friends over at a time. I get sensory overload from tons of noise and mess and chaos
K this is all over the place. If you read till here, pls offer your opinion!!

amother

IndianRed

Sat, Oct 12 2024, 11:54 pm

I live in a duplex on a street not a development and no one ever texts me about garbage day or my stroller. I did once text a neighbor that her car trunk was open. You can plant privacy trees.

It’s true it’s super convenient for frum living and my kids have lots of friends all over. We’re not moving for that reason even though I’m also an introvert and I would love a kitchen with a window looking at trees Smile

amother

Periwinkle ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:13 am

I have lived in two developments in Lakewood
While I have relative's who make fun of me that when I sneeze the person next door says God bless, The truce is most people are to busy with there own live to care about yours.
I have also found that because we live so packed together everyone makes an effort not to mind your business.
That is my experience others can have a different one.

Nosy neighbors can be found everywhere in a neighborhood with single family homes on over an acre or in apartment buildings.
Daven where ever you move to not to have one.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:18 am

amother Begonia wrote:

Which development? How big is it? If you sell you will probably make a killing on the house! Lkwd Townhouses are comparable prices to big houses in already frumly populated areas in Jackson and Tom’s River.

And don’t worry about anyone being like that neighbor. No one will ever remind you to bring in your stroller before the rain in lkwd. 😂

Maybe I would make 1 mil on my 6 bedroom duplex with another room in that attic and 3 in the basement and be able to buy a 2800-3000 sq ft home in Jackson for the same 1 mil at a much higher interest rate and loan. A good chunk of the profits I’m walking away with will go into a diff house to bring down the monthly payment

Edit - I rather not say which development (does it really matter ..?

amother

↑ Periwinkle ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:25 am

amother OP wrote:

Maybe she is looking to buy in a specific development and wants to know if you are selling your house in that one.

amother

↑ Periwinkle

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:28 am

tryinghard wrote:

Why not move in there and then decide? You may be surprised to find you like it, but regardless it gives you time to really figure out where you want to be

I know people who did that, they moved into their investment house.
Some loved it and stayed
Some hated it and sold and moved somewhere else.
Some got used to it and stayed put.

If you find that you can't stand living there, you would be in Lakewood area and know a lot better which place you would want to move to.

amother

Brickred ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:49 am

the thing that I'm stuck on from your post is that you think the kind and observant neighbor who takes the time to let you know that your trunk is open, is nosy Sad

Honestly, I'm not a nosy neighbor, but I always notice little things like this when I walk out of my house. I'm the one who texts my neighbors about their trunk being open etc. I could easily notice and say nothing and let the stuff in their trunk get stolen or soaking wet in the rain. But I am caring and so I let them know. Really, you think that neighbor is nosy? I think she's just observant and caring! my neighbors always seem to appreciate that I care enough to tell them just like I would appreciate if somebody told me that.
Im so sad that you think shes nosy. Do my neighbors think that about me? Sad

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:51 am

amother Brickred wrote:

the thing that I'm stuck on from your post is that you think the kind and observant neighbor who takes the time to let you know that your trunk is open, is nosy Sad

I’m not obnoxious so I thank her and move on. But you want to know the truth? I rather my stroller get rained on and I rather miss garbage day.. I don’t like the feeling that I’m always being watched. I just appreciate my privacy. And you’re not my neighbor. She doesn’t have internet access Smile

and I know for darn sure cuz I order her things all the time

amother

↑ Brickred

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:54 am

amother OP wrote:

and I know for darn sure cuz I order her things all the time

curious if other people feel the same way. I thought my neighbors appreciated it, just like I appreciate it when other people point stuff out to me. I would like to know if I should keep my mouth closed in future, or if I should carry on helping people like this. thanks

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 1:03 am

amother Brickred wrote:

I think I attract this kind of neighbor (which is why I’m so scared to move again!)

Growing up we lived directly across from a woman who was the city yenta, when one of the last girls in my fam got engaged she told my mom “this is your first child that I didn’t see this engagement coming ahead of time”
My neighbor in lkwd was extremely observant and commented on everything me, my husband, my kids did. I saw her eyes watching us all the time. I felt myself in her mouth.
And now my current neighbor .. so this is my life. I once mentioned this to someone who told me she’s observant and she said “when someone is observant they can’t not see, they are just always watching and they don’t know how to be any other way” she said she notices if couples are niddah all the time. My mind was blown lol

ETA: there’s no right answer to ur question. Some will appreciate some will not. Maybe limit ur reminders to only very important things

thegiver

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 1:38 am

[

There is an inyan not to sell ur first house u own. quote="amother OP"]Ok .. here’s my story -
When we were newly married we had some savings and I have a cousin who’s a realtor who convinced us to buy a duplex in lkwd where were we then living. We had no idea what DH would do for a career, he knew he wanted to go to school but we figured it would be a good investment... A short while later DH got accepted into a school
and we moved OOT. I love it here but DH is leaning towards taking a job that would take us back to lkwd.
Options are 1. Move into our existing home 2. Sell the home and buy elsewhere. I need help sorting thru my thoughts. I think I’m not a person who ever will thrive in a development setting but the house is sooooo convenient for frum living. That literally the only pro to moving there. If we sell it we’re prob gonna look in TR/jackson and only be able to afford something not so Jewish and maybe eventually be able to afford to fix it up for frum living.
We’re into the current house for so cheap at such a low rate that even taking over the basement would probably be an option in the near future which would leave us with like 10 bedrooms, pesach kitchen, play room on main floor and in basement, lots of guest quarters (we have a lot of OOT fam) etc etc etc
Reasons why I don’t love developments - I’m an introvert who REALLY likes privacy. On my current block I have one from neighbor who’s super duper sweet but nosy and I hate her little reminder texts they really feel like an invasion of privacy (stop noticing every single detail of my life!!!) ex: your stroller is out and it’s abt to rain, reminder tomorrow is garbage day, I see ur car window was accidentally left open etc etc etc. but I do think kids live it up in developments thou I’ll prob go crazy if my kids each have a few friends over at a time. I get sensory overload from tons of noise and mess and chaos
K this is all over the place. If you read till here, pls offer your opinion!![/quote]

Goldie613

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 2:00 am

No idea who - if anyone - is living in your original home currently, but if no one is, can you go visit for a long weekend, just to get a feel for what it might be like? Another option would be to treat this as a new neighborhood you are considering moving to, and go visit on a Sunday or try to get housing for a Shabbos to get a feel for it. Visit the shuls there, talk to the neighbors, etc. Hopefully that will give you the answers you are looking for.

amother

Poinsettia

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 5:18 am

Goldie613 wrote:

This. I wouldn't sell it before you know you really wouldn't want to live there. Try it out, live there for a time and then you can always decide to sell and move later on. It doesn't have to be a now or never decision. I know it's easier not to have more house moves, but it makes more sense to try it before ruling it out.

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 6:18 am

amother OP wrote:

and I know for darn sure cuz I order her things all the time

I actually learned there is a halachic chiyuv to warn someone about something like this that may cause hefsed (wet car and damaged stroller) and it even extends to parameters of how far you need to go, if it's in the middle of the night, if you should close the trunk yourself, etc

Sounds like she's well meaning and at the same time seems like you yourself are not cut out for the neighborly assistance. It's just not a shidduch even though you're both good people 😊

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 6:34 am

amother OP wrote:

Bottom line is , you’ll need to move into a neighborhood that you like and that fits your needs or you will be miserable. Whatever you just described sort of proves you don’t want to move there and you would rather TR/jackson. Can you rent in Lakewood for now to try it out?