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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
amother
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 Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:11 pm
| amother Catmint wrote: | He'll get his sleep a different night. It's so common & normal for a 10 year old to go to selichos. Please don't make a big deal out of it. Let him go if he wants to.
If you're going to want him to want to go when he has to, you have to allow him to go now. | Have to? What's wrong with saying you're too young you can go when you're 12?
If anything I would think letting him go when he's too young can make it lose it's allure for when he actually has to.
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amother
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:15 pm
| amother Catmint wrote: | Mom's should also know that most likely nothing will happen if they go to sleep ultra
late one night. This really isn't something a parent shouldn't allow their son to do, unless there's a real good reason for not allowing it. | I think needing sleep is a perfectly good reason.
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amother
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:22 pm
| amother Nectarine wrote: | my 10yr old is going this year for the first time. he asked me this afternoon and I said if he naps he can go. selichos at 1am and it's not local so travel time back.
it's hard when you don't know if the kid really wants it or just wants the reward or cool-factor. | For sure the cool factor here
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amother
Papaya
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:28 pm
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My 12yr old is sleeping. Hubby invited him to come at 12.30am. He wasn't interested. He is excited about the late start and extra sleep
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amother
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I think needing sleep is a perfectly good reason. |
He'll get his sleep a different night. Going to sleep late 1 night is not reason enough for a parent to not allow their son to go to selichos. (Unless the child has issues and losing afew hours of sleep is really detrimental for them.)
Chinuch is sometimes more important than going to sleep late 1 night. I'm sure you allow him to go to close family weddings, this is just as important. Especially if he's asking to go.
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amother
Beige
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:34 pm
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My ds is 11 and going to slichos. He said rebbi told them that it's fine if they're all tired on Sunday!
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amother
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:34 pm
there are reasons to allow a kid to stay up very late
this is one of them
he wants to go
let him
op is he your oldest?
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amother
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:37 pm
| amother Steel wrote: | there are reasons to allow a kid to stay up very late
this is one of them
he wants to go
let him
op is he your oldest? | Oldest boy
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amother
Snowdrop
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 9:29 pm
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I think they started going at around that age, if not then a year later by 11. By age 12 they had definitely gone at least one year.
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Hashem_Yaazor
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Sat, Sep 28 2024, 11:49 pm
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My son's minyan at school is doing selichos then in the morning....
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amother
Smokey
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:00 am
| Hashem_Yaazor wrote: | | My son's minyan at school is doing selichos then in the morning.... |
Same here, my boys start early for Slichos, I think that's the way it should be.
Staying up till 1am would almost guarantee that he would've missed school today.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:08 am
My just turned 12 yr old wanted to go at 1am with my husband.
Lately he’s been needing a lot of sleep and is always tired so I didn’t really want him to go.
Especially since I know he will push himself to be in shul all day on rosh hashana.
He told me he wants to go because boys in his class are going and he will feel bad if he didn’t go.
At the end we told him to go to sleep (it was 10:00) and dh will wake him at 12:45. Dh tried a few times but couldn’t wake him up.
He will feel bad in the morning. He even went to sleep with his clothing on because he wanted to be all ready for shul.
Honestly, I don’t think anyone will care if he went or not. Whoever did go just wants everyone else to know that they went. They aren’t really interested in knowing who went and who didn’t.
IyH next year he’ll go and for the rest of his life.
The peer pressure thing is very hard.
Stay tuned for who is fasting on Yom Kippur and who will sleep in the succah.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:08 am
| Hashem_Yaazor wrote: | | My son's minyan at school is doing selichos then in the morning.... |
That’s the best!
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amother
Vanilla
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:17 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Because he needs his sleep? I see no reason for a 10 year old to be up at 1am. |
If there was a wedding or Bar mitzvah tonight would you also not let him go because he needs his sleep???
What about seder night and late nights on Shavous?
Once more in the yr won't kill him, make it on condition he goes to bed early on Sunday or rests after yeshivah for an HR.
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amother
Hydrangea
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 4:03 am
My boys start going in kittah vav.
It's standard here. Cheder starts 2 hours late so the boys can nap after slichos, before cheder.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 7:20 am
| amother Petunia wrote: | My just turned 12 yr old wanted to go at 1am with my husband.
Lately he’s been needing a lot of sleep and is always tired so I didn’t really want him to go.
Especially since I know he will push himself to be in shul all day on rosh hashana.
He told me he wants to go because boys in his class are going and he will feel bad if he didn’t go.
At the end we told him to go to sleep (it was 10:00) and dh will wake him at 12:45. Dh tried a few times but couldn’t wake him up.
He will feel bad in the morning. He even went to sleep with his clothing on because he wanted to be all ready for shul.
Honestly, I don’t think anyone will care if he went or not. Whoever did go just wants everyone else to know that they went. They aren’t really interested in knowing who went and who didn’t.
IyH next year he’ll go and for the rest of his life.
The peer pressure thing is very hard.
Stay tuned for who is fasting on Yom Kippur and who will sleep in the succah. | Yes, I know. It's all about peer pressure.
Dh tried waking him but he didn't want to get up. He was slightly upset in the morning but got over it.
Dh said there was1 kid his age there , and a handful of 11 and 12 year olds.
Next year or when he's 12 we can make more of an effort to set him up for succes.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 7:23 am
| amother Vanilla wrote: | If there was a wedding or Bar mitzvah tonight would you also not let him go because he needs his sleep???
What about seder night and late nights on Shavous?
Once more in the yr won't kill him, make it on condition he goes to bed early on Sunday or rests after yeshivah for an HR. | A wedding is enjoyable and there are people there who care if he comes. A seder is a valuable family event.
Standing in shul rubbing your eyes and staring at the ceiling so you can tellyourclassmates next morning you went to srlichos really isn't a great reason.
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keym
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 7:24 am
I don't know. My 10 year old went and most of his age group was there.
He went to sleep in the couch in his clothes at 9:30.
We woke him at 12:30. Went straight to bed at 1:45.
School started an hour late today so he was able to sleep until 8:45. He was tired but not crazy.
And all together he got 10 hours of sleep which is within range for his age.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 7:26 am
| keym wrote: | I don't know. My 10 year old went and most of his age group was there.
He went to sleep in the couch in his clothes at 9:30.
We woke him at 12:30. Went straight to bed at 1:45.
School started an hour late today so he was able to sleep until 8:45. He was tired but not crazy.
And all together he got 10 hours of sleep which is within range for his age. | Sounds like it worked out nicely
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keym
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 7:28 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Sounds like it worked out nicely |
Im just saying that it's not an unreasonable ask for your kid.
It's normal for him to want it and normal to try to work something out.
My 8 year old begged but I said no. I don't think it's normal for an 8 year old even though I'm sure some of his friends went
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