Machzorim - What would you think?

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:26 am

I've never seen (or at least, never noticed) a married woman in shul without her classic kallah machzor.

What would you think if you saw a woman who did not have that and was using a regular or child's machzor Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur?

I'm most interested in responses from Chassidish women, but I'm curious to see cultural differences as well.

amother

Strawberry

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:31 am

I'm yeshivish, not chassidish, and I don't own "classic kallah machzorim." I use the soft cover small Artscroll machzor because it's easy to hold for hours.

I don't notice which machzorim other women use but wouldn't care if I did.

amother

Mint

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:31 am

I am not Chassidish.

What would I think:
She shared hers with somebody else-how nice and thoughtful
She forgot it at home in her morning rush to get to shul
For some reason, it was at her parents or in-laws
It got ruined /lost or she did not get one as a Kallah gift, because either she got something else, or her in-laws couldn’t afford, or she is not into I need I need I need because everybody else has.

In short, I would not think anything

amother

Garnet

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:32 am

I wouldn’t think anything. If I did, I would assume she doesn’t like her kallah machzor as much as the one she’s using or her kallah machzor isn’t usable or she didn’t get one... Who cares the reason, it doesn’t matter regardless. I’m heimish.

Curious why you’re asking. Are you the insulted MIL or the DIL? Or is this just a random theoretical.

kenz

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:37 am

I wasn’t given machzorim as a kallah, I got a set of Artscroll (hard cover, not leather) and although they’re not the prettiest looking, they help me to daven as best I can because I can understand the instructions and the words if I choose to look at the English. I never even dreamed that anyone is thinking twice about it.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:39 am

I grew up using "machzor raba" and when I got married ask my husband to get the same one, it's small and light. So that's what he got me - in white but it doesn't look like a "Kalla" machzor at all. Thing is after a few years he decided that he would prefer using mine than the Artscroll - as I wasn't spending too much time in Shul in any case. Now that our kids all go to Shul I took it back but we ended up with another one that my daughter bought will in sem, so we both use it.

amother

Rose

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:42 am

Wouldn't think, wouldn't care.
If you davka want me to think I can list a few possibilities.
*she's a guest so left hers home, or left hers somewhere last year
*she didn't get one
*it's too heavy, unclear print, otherwise not great, so she prefers whichever one she brought now
*her daughter /mother /aunt is using hers
But really, WHO CARES...

Chayalle ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:43 am

There are so many reasons to use a different machzor.

For example - I know some who got a very heavy Kallah Machzor, and they use a lighter weight one in shul.
Or due to Eiruv concerns (especially YK) they keep one in shul and one at home.
My DD's both received Nussach Sephard machzorim from their in-laws. If they come to me for YK, they will use their Bas Mitzvah machzorim, because our shul davens Ashkenaz and the Avodah is totally different.
I happen to like my childhood machzor - I'm very used to it, so I know where everything is (there was no Artscroll back then....I just know.) I still use it quite often.

Beyond that, to be totally honest I have never checked out what other people daven out of in shul....it's totally personal to me, I honestly don't care what other people have/choose in this regard.

watergirl ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:45 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't have a kallah set, I did not receive them and never got them. I used to use the smaller pocket size machzorim from when I was in high school, but now I like the larger size so I just use the ones at shul.

I don't look around too much at shul on RH and YK, I really just look at my own machzor. But I have seen bas mitzvah age girls with personalized machzorim and younger married women with them too. Women over maybe mid-30s seem to not have personalized or their own. And that's fine.

shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:46 am

amother OP wrote:

What is a "classic" kallah machzor? Im MO/DL. Never heard of this. I actually have machzorim that my grandparents gave me when I was a little girl. I use newer ones that I bought after making aliyah that reflect the davening more so than what those machzorim are.

And just because you havent seen women using other types of machzorim doesnt mean that other women dont.

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:48 am

This OP is just another example for stopping these required gifts. Women don't need to feel anxiety about not having the expected item at the right time and place.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:49 am

amother Garnet wrote:

Neither MIL nor DIL.

Second marriage, so no parental gifts expected and no insulted feelings bH. We can't afford a set right now and I'm wondering how weird I'll feel in shul borrowing a kid's.

I'm also not sure what name we would've put on a kallah set if I'd gotten one. I guess that's part of what's making it a sensitive issue for me.

amother

Springgreen ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 11:01 am

Please do not feel weird at all. What matters is how you feel davening out of the machzor. Just make sure the print is easy to read, the nusach is the right one, it's not too heavy for you to hold if there are no tables at your shul.
If the one you used at a child fits the bill, then use it. I know adults that use their pink bas mitzvah machzor. What matters is you connect to the davening using your machzor.
- I also know alot of people who just don't use their "kallah machzor". Some MIL assume they want the huge artscroll one and its impossible to hold, or they don't like Interlinear and find it harder to read etc.... so they just end up using the one they've been using for years.
May you have a meaningful Y"T and year full of Bracha!

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 11:03 am

amother OP wrote:

Ahh ok now the context makes sense.

I'm remarried now BH for 18 years. It was 10 years before I had an engagement ring, so I really get it. We just did not have the money and that was WAY before it was a thing to get moissanite etc. for $200 but even then, we had tuition to pay so who had $200 for a ring?

You don't need to borrow a child's machzor. Let's get creative.

Where I live, there are rummage and rehoming groups and people post machzorim for sale all the time. Can you watch out on the local groups and see who is giving away machzorim?

I bet there are at least three women on this site who have machzorim sitting around they would love to hand down to you!

This is where imamother excels.

amother

↑ Springgreen ↓

Tue, Sep 24 2024, 11:05 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

can someone please explain what a CLASSIC kallah machzor is?

Regular " litvish yeshivish"
Most girls I know got
A HUGE HEAVY artcsroll ( usually interlinear) machzor with re-bound fancy leather and name on the front.
I know people that weren't asked what they wanted and they just got it, and never use it as it's so impractical for them