Yom Tov in 10 minutes or less

amother

Tulip ↓

Today at 12:50 am

amother Hosta wrote:

I don't think I have ANY recipes that take more than that. Even my challah dough takes me under 10 minutes!

ROSH HASHANA CHALLAH:
Warm up 5-8 cups of water (I fill my electric urn about 2/3 to 3/4 and turn it on for a few minutes).
In large challah bowl, pour a bag of flour. The cheap Walmart unbleached all-purpose is fine.
Dump in sugar. It's probably between 1/2 to 1 cup, but it's forgiving.
Measure in about 2 tablespoons of salt. It's also forgiving, no need to level the spoon or anything.
Pour in some oil. It's probably between 1/4 and 3/4 cup, but it doesn't matter exactly.
Check and pour in 5 eggs. (It would probably be fine with a different number, but that's what I do.)
Measure about 3 tablespoons of dry yeast.
Add your water. It will work if it's anywhere between warm and very warm, but if it's too hot to knead with your hands it's probably too hot.
Mix with your hands until it forms a dough. Some weeks it's stickier than others, but it always comes out fine. Then leave it to rise for between 1/2 to 2 hours (okay sometimes more), shape, let rise again for 1/2 hour or so, and bake.

ROSH HASHANA GEFILTE FISH:
Turn on oven. (Everything bakes fine at 350.)
Put parchment paper on a baking pan.
Unwrap loaves of frozen gefilte fish. (It's easiest if you run the loaves under warm water for a few seconds.)
Put on baking pan.
Drizzle on some honey and olive oil. (I do marinara sauce for Shabbos.)
Bake for an hour or more. It develops a rich flavor and yummy crust.

ROSH HASHANA APPLE & HONEY CHICKEN:
Remove chicken legs from package. Discard that awful pad they put underneath.
Place chicken legs in pan.
Open can of apple pie filling and dump on top of chicken.
Bake for at least an hour. (I usually do covered.)

POT ROAST:
Fill heavy pot halfway with water.
Quarter 1 or 2 onions and drop into water.
Place chuck roast in water.
Add salt, pepper, and a generous splash or two of wine.
Cover pot and cook for an hour or so.
Let cool, slice, and reheat in liquid. (Inside of meat will still be pink, but will cook through fully when reheating.)

YUMMY SNAP PEAS:
Put parchment paper on baking pan.
Spread snap peas on pan.
Drizzle with olive oil, honey, and sea salt.
Bake for 10-20 minutes.

Should I continue?

Omg! I love this!! Please continue!!!

amother

↑ Tulip ↓

Today at 1:09 am

amother Hosta wrote:

By popular demand, let me continue Smile

BTW, for the Rosh Hashana challah, I often mix in chocolate chips or raisins when shaping. Alternatively, I egg it (by mixing one whole egg with my brush in a small bowl and roughly spreading some egg over the top) and sprinkle on cinnamon and sugar before baking.

FISH HEAD
Take foil pan (this project is too gross for parchment on a real pan).
Take salmon fish head out of package and try not to look. Be sure to remove pad from under fish head if they put one on.
Loosely cover pan. Put in oven for about a half hour. Anyone who eats it is not that particular anyhow.

SESAME SPAGHETTI
Fill pot about 2/3 with water. Cover, and put on stove. Turn [the correct] burner to high.
When water is at a rolling boil, TURN OFF burner.
Add package of spaghetti (I usually use whole wheat, but white is fine too).
Turn on timer to the higher number of minutes on package.
Stir pot. Cover loosely.
Try to stir pot again halfway through, because spaghetti likes to stick. If you don't, there will probably a be a clump of spaghetti stuck together, which is NOT so terrible, but it's mildly annoying.
When timer rings, drain spaghetti and rinse under cold water. (Yes, I am aware that this is a no-no.)
Transfer spaghetti to serving bowl (I use the Pyrex 2-qt glass mixing bowl which comes with a lid).
Take a 7-9 oz plastic cup. Fill approximately 1/3 with sugar, 1/3 with toasted sesame oil, and 1/3 with La Choy soy sauce. Stir with a plastic spoon and admire how it becomes a syrupy texture.
Dump dressing over spaghetti, sprinkle generously with sesame seeds, and mix.

CHICKEN SOUP
Fill large soup pot about 3/4 full (I usually use an 8 qt pot).
Put on stove. (Admiring your muscles for getting it there is bonus.)
Turn burner to high.
Dump in 2lb package of baby carrots.
Peel 1 large onion and drop into pot.
Peel 1-2 potatoes (pro tip: Buy the jumbo russets and you'll get more potato for less peeling) and add to pot.
When water is boiling, add 2 chicken legs. (Frozen or defrosted, both work fine. For a very rich soup use a whole chicken.)
Generously dump in coarse kosher salt and top with dried dill.
Lower heat to 3 or thereabouts and cover loosely. (If pot is still bubbling madly after a few minutes, you can turn it even lower.)
Taste after it's been cooking a while to see if you need to add salt.

MATZAH BALLS
(I like the Unger's matzah meal the best for the texture and lightness, but it works with other brands too.)
In a medium bowl, pour about half of the can of matzah meal.
Add 5 eggs.
Dump in about a teaspoon of BAKING POWDER. (Just trust me.)
Add some salt and pepper, sometimes I put garlic powder too.
Add a glug or two of oil. (This recipe is also forgiving.)
Mix well. You should have a very thick mixture.
Add about 1/4 to 1/2 cup water or thereabouts and mix again. Now you will have a thin mixture.
Put in fridge, covered or uncovered, for a half hour or more. Mixture will magically have thickened!
Return soup to rolling boil, uncover.
Wash hands, make walnut or larger balls out of the mixture and drop directly into soup.

MOCK TZIMMES
Roughly chop 1 lb baby carrots.
Dump into pan.
Drizzle with honey and lemon juice.
Add a cup or so of water.
Cover tightly.
Stick in oven and bake until you remember it.
(Anyone who is eating this is eating it for the minhag, so how it tastes is not as relevant.)

POTATO KUGEL
(This recipe takes close to 10 minutes, but you have WAY too many dishes to wash, so it is considered a Big Deal.)
Peel about 6 jumbo potatoes. (Smaller sizes should be outlawed for most purposes.) Rinse.
Peel 1 medium or large onion.
Get large bowl ready with 6 eggs, a few glugs of oil, 1.5-2 tsp salt, and pepper. It's nice to pre-mix this but not fully necessary.
Make sure food processor blade is set to GRATE. (This recipe does NOT work well with sliced potatoes.)
If your feed tube is small, half or quarter your potatoes and onion.
Turn on food processor, and feed onion, then potatoes through. (If your food processor bowl is as small as mine, stop halfway through and dump mostly full processor bowl into your eggs and mix a little before continuing, because overflowing potato juice makes this take longer.)
Mix potato/onion/egg mixture well. Be a good mommy and remove any large unshredded pieces of potato or onion that you see.
Pour mixture into foil pan that is set on cookie sheet (for stability).
Bake uncovered for at least an hour.
(Yes, I know you are supposed to drain your shredded potatoes, preheat your pan, etc. This is yummy even without all that.)
EDITING TO ADD THAT THIS IS WAY BETTER BAKED AT 400.

SWEET POTATO PIE
Peel 3-4 LARGE sweet potatoes. Cube roughly (they cook faster).
Put into pot and JUST cover with water. Cover pot loosely.
Put on stove and turn to medium or high.
Boil for 10-20 minutes or until you notice that they are soft.
Drain most of the water.
Add some brown sugar, pumpkin pie spice mix (or cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger).
Get your immersion blender ready.
Add 2-4 eggs and blend fast before they cook. (hard boiled egg in pie is not so appetizing looking)
Pour mixture into 2 frozen pie crusts (not graham cracker, it's not as good).
Bake for a half hour or until crust is browning.

BROWNIE PIE
Prepare Duncan Hines brownie mix (dark chocolate is best, but chewy fudge is fine too) according to package directions (the lower number of eggs).
Pour into graham cracker crust.
Bake. (It takes longer than the package claims.)

CHERRY CAKE
(This recipe does require measuring, sigh.)
In mixing bowl, put 4 eggs, 3 cups flour, 2 cups of sugar, 1 cup of OJ or water, and 1/2 cup of oil.
Add 2 tsp of baking powder, and 1 tsp of vanilla.
Mix well with mixer or by hand.
Pour into pan.
Open can of cherry pie filling.
Randomly dollop most of can over cake batter, and hand the rest of can to kids to eat.
With a dinner knife, "slice" through pan vertically and horizontally to swirl cherry mixture through cake.
Bake for about an hour or when top is golden to medium brown.

LEMON PIE
(This tastes like cheesecake!)
Defrost 1 carton of rich's whip (8 oz) or equivalent. (I just double the recipe if I'm using a 16 oz carton so I don't have to measure half.) The defrosting part does take longer than 10 minutes unfortunately.
Pour whip into mixing bowl.
Add 4 eggs, 1/2 cup sugar, and 1/4 cup lemon juice.
Mix with immersion blender until sugar is basically incorporated. (Try not to overmix because it grows in volume and will overflow your pie crust which is just annoying.)
Put graham cracker crust on baking sheet for stability. (Optionally line baking sheet with foil for easier cleanup if you're a messy cook like me.)
Pour mixture into crust. It may reach the top.
Bake for 45+ minutes. It may still be a drop wobbly in the middle, but firms up some when cool.
(Some of my kids like it frozen.)

CRANBERRY APPLE PIE
In small bowl, put about 1 cup each of flour and sugar, and about 1/2 cup oil.
Add some cinnamon and mix for crumble.
Pour can of apple pie filling into pie crust.
Dump in some fresh or frozen cranberries.
Top with crumble.
Bake till it looks ready.

(I could keep going.)

You are hysterical!! A glug, the dumping, I’m Crying with laughter! These recipes and your writing deserve an official place on the Internet! Everything about the way you write is just amazing! I have an idea for you- but how do I contact you privately? I don’t really know how to use this forum… And am I even allowed to ask such a thing here? I’m new to this forum… But how could I contact you?

amother

↑ Tulip

Today at 1:20 am

amother Hosta wrote:

I don't think I have ANY recipes that take more than that. Even my challah dough takes me under 10 minutes!

ROSH HASHANA CHALLAH:
Warm up 5-8 cups of water (I fill my electric urn about 2/3 to 3/4 and turn it on for a few minutes).
In large challah bowl, pour a bag of flour. The cheap Walmart unbleached all-purpose is fine.
Dump in sugar. It's probably between 1/2 to 1 cup, but it's forgiving.
Measure in about 2 tablespoons of salt. It's also forgiving, no need to level the spoon or anything.
Pour in some oil. It's probably between 1/4 and 3/4 cup, but it doesn't matter exactly.
Check and pour in 5 eggs. (It would probably be fine with a different number, but that's what I do.)
Measure about 3 tablespoons of dry yeast.
Add your water. It will work if it's anywhere between warm and very warm, but if it's too hot to knead with your hands it's probably too hot.
Mix with your hands until it forms a dough. Some weeks it's stickier than others, but it always comes out fine. Then leave it to rise for between 1/2 to 2 hours (okay sometimes more), shape, let rise again for 1/2 hour or so, and bake.

ROSH HASHANA GEFILTE FISH:
Turn on oven. (Everything bakes fine at 350.)
Put parchment paper on a baking pan.
Unwrap loaves of frozen gefilte fish. (It's easiest if you run the loaves under warm water for a few seconds.)
Put on baking pan.
Drizzle on some honey and olive oil. (I do marinara sauce for Shabbos.)
Bake for an hour or more. It develops a rich flavor and yummy crust.

ROSH HASHANA APPLE & HONEY CHICKEN:
Remove chicken legs from package. Discard that awful pad they put underneath.
Place chicken legs in pan.
Open can of apple pie filling and dump on top of chicken.
Bake for at least an hour. (I usually do covered.)

POT ROAST:
Fill heavy pot halfway with water.
Quarter 1 or 2 onions and drop into water.
Place chuck roast in water. (EDITING TO ADD: Top of the rib roast is the best cut I've ever made this with, if you can find it on sale)
Add salt, pepper, and a generous splash or two of wine.
Cover pot and cook for an hour or so.
Let cool, slice, and reheat in liquid. (Inside of meat will still be pink, but will cook through fully when reheating.)

YUMMY SNAP PEAS:
Put parchment paper on baking pan.
Spread snap peas on pan.
Drizzle with olive oil, honey, and sea salt.
Bake for 10-20 minutes.

Should I continue?

You are hysterical!! A glug, the dumping, I’m Crying with laughter! These recipes and your writing deserve an official place on the Internet! Everything about the way you write is just amazing! I don’t really know how to use this forum… And am I even allowed to ask such a thing here? I’m new to this forum… But how could I contact you directly? Ty!