Not informed about bris

amother

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:14 pm

A woman who I have known for the past few years just became a grandmother. We have attended shiurim and some sisterhood and community events together. I have sent her info on shiurim and she sometimes comes to events that I notified her about. I found out that she had a grandson so I texted her mazel tov and so exciting. She replied thank you!!
I am disappointed that she didn’t tell me the bris info. I know that people can’t tell everyone but I was just wondering: would you invite someone like me ( someone you go to some shiurim and events) or would you strictly inform your group of people who were invited to your child’s wedding? Would you expand to allow additional people to celebrate with you? (( I would definitely give a nice gift but she wouldn’t know that).

amother

Pewter

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:20 pm

I don't think a grandparent would share the details about the bris with their friends unless they were told they could. Maybe very close friends, but no, not normal to expect someone that you see at shiurim to invite you to their grandson's bris.

amother

Peony ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:22 pm

I had that recently. You might have been talking about me. And yes. I did make a mistake. Should have posted. But…. We made a vach nacht too. Didn’t really invite to that. It was on the same invite as the bris info. And I didn’t invite ladies. Had I posted that paper. Ladies would have assumed it was a vach nacht invite. And I wasn’t going to write no ladies. And we had quite a few ladies. Had I posted the info to everyone it would have turned into a wedding. And it would have been too much.
In the future, I learnt my lesson. I will make a separate bris invite and post that. So they don’t feel like they have to come to vach nacht.
For a first grandchild, it’s a learning curve. She is probably tired. Cut her some slack.

amother

↑ Peony

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:23 pm

2429 wrote:

The people making the bris are the parents of the baby not the grandparents.
I would find it weird if my parents would be inviting their friends to my bris.
IMO

Not always. We, the grandparents, made the bris for our grandchild. And yes. Most of our friends showed up. It’s a seudos Mitzva. You don’t invite to a bris but they knew they needed to be there.

amother

Peru

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:24 pm

My parents invite very close friends only to their grandchildren’s brissim. Even the ones they host/pay for. It’s just too much once you add in family from both sides. The exception was a Shabbos bris since that was just a kiddush not a sit down event and there were a lot fewer family members coming.

amother

Hotpink

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:33 pm

Just to give some insight to the grandmothers out there-it’s not just that our young generation is being nasty and entitled by saying our parents shouldn’t invite their acquaintances. It’s that we don’t want to feel like strangers at our own child’s bris. Especially if it’s your first, us young parents are still making our way, trying to make friends in our new neighborhood. Often at least one of the parents moved somewhere new and knows very few people. And people our age are busy with their own very young brood and don’t really go to acquaintances brissim. So when my son’s bris was full of MIL’s and even FIL’s mother’s friends and acquaintances, I felt bad. I had 3 close friends come. That’s it. I have a lot more friends than that BH but some don’t live near me and some it was just too hard on a regular school/work day.

singleagain

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:39 pm

Could also be they are not sure if the Bris will be on time and don't want to publicizes the reasons why

Last edited by singleagain on Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:10 pm; edited 1 time in total

exhausted

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 5:40 pm

I made my grandson's Bris. But it wasn't my party and it wasn't about me. A few of my close friends came for a few minutes to say Mazel Tov. The rest of the people were family and the couple's friends. No I don't think you should've expected an invitation or even to have been informed.

notshanarishona

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:05 pm

Definitely normal not to be informed . I could see a grandparent inviting 1-2 very close friends (with her kids permission) but definitely not acquaintances. Unless the grandparents are paying for the bris they shouldn’t be inviting people. It’s not their simcha, it’s their kids

amother

Ebony

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:51 pm

We paid for our son's bris and definitely expected our parent's good friends whom we grew up with to attend. They're practically family by now. But we would have been very surprised to see random acquaintances of our parents that they see once a week at a shiur. That's not a close relationship at all.

amother

Garnet

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 12:52 pm

I have many kids and I would not expect to be able to invite too many friends to their simcha. I made wedding recently, and we were trying to keep the guest down and I told my dad he could invite a handful of friends that he would like. So I don’t know why it would be different than the reverse. It is not her. Simcha

Elfrida

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 1:38 pm

A friend made a bris a while ago for her twin grandsons, and I was quite surprised to be invited. Most of the attendees were friends of the couple, but my friend told me later that her daughter had given her a list of her (the grandmother's) friends to invite. I think I made the list because I had known the mother since she was a baby.

Because they were excited about twins, and because the bris was on a Friday morning (when a lot of people in Israel don't work), it was a fairly big affair, so they invited more people than normal. Their next baby I wasn't invited.

amother

Daphne

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 1:47 pm

I do not invite to my children's Simchas. They are paying for it so not for me to invite. If a good friend in my class would ask I would say ''Bris is Tuesday but I am not inviting friends''. It does not mean she isn't your friend.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 2:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

In a wotd, no. First off, nobody invites to a bris, but even more so, its not the grandparent's simcha. Its the parent's.
And if I were the grandparents, id invite only very good friends.
We had a bris in the family recently and the grandparents literally had 3 couples there, all really close and old friends. Not a shiur buddy.

imaima

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 3:38 pm

amother Peony wrote:

Weird excuse if you actually didn’t mind people coming.
Type out another message and post on your status

Brit in Israel

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 3:50 pm

The only grandmother friends that come from my experience are the ones that are so close they are like aunts to the parent of the baby, and even from those not all stay for the seuda.