DS wants to join IDF as lone soldier

amother

OP ↓

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 7:10 pm

I just need to vent.

I have the utmost admiration and love for israeli soldiers but I can’t stomach the thought of DS joining.

He is making plans to do this after he graduates high school this year. And make aliyah.

He wont even consider doing a gap year in israel before joining.

It hasn't even happened yet and I cant sleep.

If I knew he were better prepared such as doing a mechina gap year program I think I would be a little more accepting.

All I can think about is how I will hardly see him for 3 years and this is not what I had in mind when he was born. I keep thinking of his bris and his name. He has not flowed the path I had hoped.

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 7:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

What exactly about this path is worrying you so? Is it the danger? Is it missing him?

One of my sons has the same plan. He's got a few years yet, so we've got some time to prepare ourselves if he chooses to go through with it, but for me, there's a lot of pride and respect and admiration mixed with my fear. I wanted my kids to do something meaningful and important with their lives, to find purpose and satisfaction from life. This isn't the path I'd envisioned, but it seems like a valuable and beautiful goal, being of service to our country, being of service to our people.

PinkFridge ↓

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 7:43 pm

So he wouldn't consider going to a hesder yeshiva? I don't know all the ins and outs but is there any way to steer him towards that? Serving is what is calling him now and I think we all endorse him for this, but that kind of framework and support would not only lend greater meaning but just be so good for him in ways he may not be able to see.
Hugs!

sequoia

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 7:52 pm

A girl I know (friend’s daughter) just made aliyah and joined the IDF, she’s so excited. This kind of idealism and commitment to Israel is beautiful. I’m sure her mom is worried, but you know, Israeli mothers worry too, all mothers do…

violet1

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 8:24 pm

How is his Hebrew?
If it's not good he might "waste" time having to learn it in the army.
If he goes to a pre-army mechina, he'll learn the language and the ins and outs so he can have a better chance of getting into a unit he wants.
Your feelings are definitely valid. My kids are born in Israel and while I was still pregnant with my son this was a worry for me. Now he's 11 and thinks wants to do intelligence in the army.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 8:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Unfortunately, we as parents have to give up thst dream an hope and pray they do well with THEIR dreams.
I havd a friend who grew up in israel. One of her brothers dreams was to be a professor in the usa. His psrents were very upset. They never get to see him. But a few years have passed. He is so happy in his choice. My friends parents are learning to live with his dream. Its hard, but a must to be able to let our children fly and have their own dreams, even if they are hard for us.

amother

DarkMagenta

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 8:46 pm

I’m not yet at this stage but I was a child at some point and I absolutely hated that my parents projected their feeling and their concerns about my future on to me. I ended up doing what they wanted because I am a good girl who doesn’t want to upset her parents. And guess what my parents couldn’t be prouder of me but I’m depressed and regret some major decisions I made. It’s not fair to your son. If this is his dream then let him go. It’s hard for you but it’s the right thing to do. Kids are not an extension of you rather their own being.

amother

Yellow

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 9:21 pm

My son as well. I always kind of knew it would happen, I pushed the thought away with the pit in my stomach. I'm grateful he wants to finish yeshiva first, it gives a bit more time.
Am I happy with the plan? No. Can I stop him? No. I prefer the IDF over any other army.

amother

Lotus

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 9:29 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

Yes this.
Except I took my own path but realized if I'd taken the path she wanted I would've been miserable AND she wouldn't have been proud of me anyways after the first five minutes.

OP what is most important is that your son grows up to be a good person. I'm sorry he's not the person you imagined. He's his own person, he's not a doll or an extension of you and your dreams.

Please support him and love him and be proud of him no matter what. Don't force him to choose between himself and you, that's not a fair choice.

amother

Cornsilk

Sat, Sep 07 2024, 10:30 pm

My brother did this when he was 19, but it was after a year in Yeshiva in Israel.
It was hard for my mother a”h because of the danger but she was proud of him.
We went to the Lubavitcher Rebbe to ask for a bracha for his safety. (We’re not Chabad).

After many years back in America, he followed his dream and made aliya BH.
And joined the reserves.
And fought in Gaza 3 times in this war.

And now his daughter is beginning her army service.

I’m sure it’s hard OP.
It’s scary, there’s no denying.
HaShem should keep all our soldiers safe.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Sep 08 2024, 2:26 am

I'm sorry op
so challenging
every mother is concerned for her child in the IDF and all the more so if chayal boded for so many reasons
there are other mothers going through the same thing
I would try to network with them
hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Sep 08 2024, 3:45 am

essie14 wrote:

Garin tzabar is wonderful. We know many lone soldiers who went through the program.
https://garintzabar.org/
Is he going to be in their program?

After my son did a gap year in Israel, he came back a couple months ago intent on making aliyah and doing this program.

Rationally, I’m ok with this. Of course I’m emotionally and to myself so worried and upset.

This is on him to get all the application stuff done. Fees for forms and apostilles. Etc. I will help him read websites about how to do this or that, I have taken him to the post office to show him how to mail things certified.

If he is mature enough to put in the effort here, then I feel he is making a mature decision.

I still cry in private, in the middle of the night as the day gets closer that he may leave.

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Sun, Sep 08 2024, 3:54 am

essie14 wrote:

Garin tzabar is wonderful. We know many lone soldiers who went through the program.
https://garintzabar.org/
Is he going to be in their program?

I liked your post not because I know anything about this but because whatever this program is, lone soldiers should never be alone in EY.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Sep 08 2024, 4:12 am

How is his rebbe steering him?

I don't think its mean that you push for a gap year before he joins the "real world".

The boys won't get a chance to learn responsibility free without pressure before or after this year.

What does his father say about it?

He can take the year to practice language and research on the ground his options.

Is there a way he can sign up but do training only while he is in yeshiva for a year?

You are a very normal mother for feeling how you do!

↑ essie14 ↓

Sun, Sep 08 2024, 4:19 am

PinkFridge wrote:

I liked your post not because I know anything about this but because whatever this program is, lone soldiers should never be alone in EY.

We've "adopted" several lone soldiers and BH have 3 of our own.

papaya613

Sun, Sep 08 2024, 5:31 am

garin tzabar is a great program, we have friends who have done it and really enjoyed. I think it depends on what exactly he is looking for religiously.

https://levlachayal.org/
Lev LeChayal is another wonderful option. Based in RBS, it is a very warm yeshiva with wonderful staff. He would not have to do hesder. they have nice apartments and they help with all their needs. We know many guys who have really benefitted from this program
under student information they answer a lot of faqs about going to the army as a lone soldier