How to stop the inappropriate name calling?

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:18 pm

my boys have picked up the habit of name calling each other. it makes me so sad and I feel horrible that they hear themselves being called animal, idiot, dumbell, pig.... they did not pick this up at home.
my 2 yr old picked it up from them now. it makes me feel like crying. all my self work and patience feels pointless if this is how they talk to each other.

what do I do? how do I stop it? all the explaining in the world isnt helping.

amother

Holly

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:24 pm

Same, it kills me. Wish I had advice.

Oldest is 15, he should know better (he’s on the spectrum and has anger issues… it used to be physical violence and now it’s just nonstop demeaning language towards everything… I wished him “Gutt Chodesh” and he responded “bad chodesh” 🙄… so I know, I know he’s got his own issues and bechira and it’s not just me being a failure…)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:49 pm

my kids do it to each other. it breaks my heart. I need to stop it.

#BestBubby ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:52 pm

You can buy a special treat and whoever didn't name call gets it for dessert.

amother

Aster

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:55 pm

Lol I was picturing actually inappropriate words. Idiot, animal etc are not inappropriate, they’re just mean. It’s normal for siblings to fight, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. They’ll grow up.

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:12 pm

Well maybe they learnt it from our beloved former president.

amother

Springgreen

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:23 pm

Same it kills me every time. Causes me so much pain.

And I know my oldest is hfa with anger issues etc. And we have worked so much on it. And it's gotten so much better. But still. There's so much cruelty to each other. And yes, even the 2yr learned to scream "STUPIDHEAD" when she's upset at someone.

It breaks my heart so much. I have worked so so hard on myself all these years . I can't believe these are my own kids. I don't know how we got here.

Molly Weasley

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:43 pm

Does the name calling also bother your husband? Do your children generally listen to you?

You might consider using either rewards or consequences to address name-calling.

For example, if one of your children used a strong curse word, how would you typically handle that situation? You could try applying a similar response to name-calling to maintain consistency and address the behavior effectively.

If dh isn't on board, that might be the reason why it's hard to enforce.

amother

DarkOrange

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:55 pm

"We don't use those words in our home"
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat

Even if they don't hear you now BE"H they will hear you one day.

And be a role model, don't call the cashier or bus driver or anyone "dumb" or "stupid"

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 5:25 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

This exactly. My mother used to do this with us and I'm very careful as an adult never to name-call. She used to say "no name-calling!!". Even though I did as a kid, the message eventually went in.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 5:48 pm

I consider telling a brother "your a pig/animal" very inappropriate. it's not curse words or zxual but that doesnt make it better.

dh is on board and we've said "we dont use such words" about 1000 times already, never makes a dent.

how do I give a reward for not name calling? when do I give it? what should it be?

↑ #BestBubby

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 5:53 pm

Give reward for not name calling at the end of the day.