Boss doesn't respect my hours

amother

Olive ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 5:35 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

I don't know op, neither do you.

I offered her two ideas, depending on her confidence and capability. She could send a direct text, or if she finds herself lacking the courage, she might gently place the blame on her husband.

Because it's unprofessional to bring one's husband in as "not letting."
It definitely would backfire outside of a frum company setting and even in a frum setting it's not a good way to present yourself as an employee.

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 7:14 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Why does she need to place the blame on anyone, gently or not?
I'm wondering if you ever worked. In the working world, someone who involves others is seen as an unprofessional wimp who has a hard time taking herself or her job/responsibilities seriously.
Would you ask your husband to call in sick for you? To ask for extended deadlines?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 7:58 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

I will admit, I did end up mentioning my husband but only related to the fact that I can do after hours meetings only if he's home (to watch the baby) or I have other childcare.

amother

↑ Denim

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:18 am

My previous boss was a workaholic. Even when he left the office, he never stopped working. But that didn't mean I needed to be available at all times of day or night. When I would check my emails in the morning, I would have a string of emails sent at all times of day and night, 12.30am, 2.30am, 4am, 7am.
And I would reply and deal with them during my working hours. It was easier for him to email me when he thought of things than to have to wait until I was available and not remember them all.
And that arrangement worked fine for both of us.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:24 am

amother Olive wrote:

Based on how the question was framed, I had a feeling that the op might be working for a frum person

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:29 am

amother OP wrote:

I will admit, I did end up mentioning my husband but only related to the fact that I can do after hours meetings only if he's home (to watch the baby) or I have other childcare.

You explained why you aren't available past your set working hours, you didn't pin the blame on him.
Big difference.
But you did good OP. I'm proud of you.

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:31 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Based on how the question was framed, I had a feeling that the op might be working for a frum person

And?
I work for a frum person who'd be horrified if I start bringing my husband or any of my personal relationships into my work life. He doesn't care about any of them, I'm his employee and he should only be dealing with me.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:31 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Based on how the question was framed, I had a feeling that the op might be working for a frum person

Why in the world should a frum employer be any different than a not frum or not jewish one? It is UNPROFESSIONAL on all accounts to "blame" your spouse. It just really looks bad.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:41 am

I think you might be overthinking this.

In certain social situations, bringing up your personal life can help make your point, but this really depends on the nature of your relationship with your employer.

Mentioning your personal priorities doesn’t make you look weak.
It highlights that you are prioritizing your family and personal life over your work. Balancing these aspects is important, and it’s perfectly valid to emphasize what matters most to you.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:46 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Bringing up ones personal life and ones personal priorities is NOT the same as, and I quote you from your first post on this thread "you could always say that your husband has set time limits for work."

Again, this makes it sound like the op's husband does not allow her to work after a certain hour. And that does not look good in any way shape possible.

amother

↑ Olive

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:50 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Based on how the question was framed, I had a feeling that the op might be working for a frum person

It still isn't great. It might not quite make her a laughingstock the way it would for a secular employer, but it still comes across as unprofessional.
It's not comparable to bringing up your personal life, it makes the employee look childlike. Better to bring up childcare as the issue than a husband who puts limitations on his adult wife who is a capable supposedly professional employee.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:52 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I'll admit, I could have worded it better.

amother

Quince

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:54 am

OP I've been in your situation before.
What I did was my boss would message me at 3:50 (I leave at 4) "Can we talk?"
I'd say yes I'm available for the next ten minutes (after all he was paying me for those ten minutes) and on the phone I'd say at 3:58 I'm going to have to drop in 2 minutes and at 4 we'd always hang up nicely.
Another option would be if he messaged me at 3 "can we talk?" I'd say "Yes, I'm available until 4" and give a warning at 3:55 that you will be dropping in 5 minutes.
Boundaries were very much accepted after I started this that I didn't even need to say anything after a couple of weeks. The message was well received.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:54 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

I'll admit, I could have worded it better.

How else? "Blaming" your spouse? What else could that be to not sound bad in the eyes of an employer?

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 8:59 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Work not being one of them. Your boss hired you to do a job. Sure, he knows you have other things going on in your life, but he still wants to be dealing with only you and for you to take responsibility in anything related to this job. Pushing something onto your spouse is like you wanting to free yourself from this responsibility and asking someone to do the dirty work for you.
And like Shabbat said, it looks silly when you make it sound as if your spouse restricts what you can or can't do.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:26 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

How else? "Blaming" your spouse? What else could that be to not sound bad in the eyes of an employer?

You can "blame" it on the spouse by stating that you are prioritizing your family and personal life over your work.

↑ Molly Weasley

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:31 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

I’m really glad you're able to stand up for yourself, on your own terms.

As for your point, it’s definitely better to express your desires assertively, which is why I provided her with a draft of the text.

But, highlighting that you are prioritizing your family and personal life over your work doesnt equal controlling

amother

↑ Hydrangea

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:34 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

It does if you say "my husband doesn't let..." Saying you're prioritizing family and personal life is very different.

amother

↑ Burgundy

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:41 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

You can "blame" it on the spouse by stating that you are prioritizing your family and personal life over your work.

That's not called blaming it on your spouse, that's called being specific about your working hours.

Instead of saying " my husband doesn't let me work past 4" which even you can admit sounds weird, say something like " I'm not available past 4, my child/ren need me and we did agree on my hours being 9-4"
See? You can prioritize without involving anyone else.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:51 am

amother Denim wrote:

I wish he would email me! Instead, he calls, or texts in a best case scenario. Sometimes he calls to ask me to do something and then says he'll email me the info. WHY? So annoying!