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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
What is your experience? Do people compliment others by a simcha or the like?
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| usually |
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43% |
[ 19 ] |
| 50-50 |
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27% |
[ 12 ] |
| not much |
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29% |
[ 13 ] |
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| Total Votes : 44 |
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amother
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 Mon, Sep 02 2024, 12:56 am
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I bought this really pretty blush colored outfit and no one said a word at the simcha I was at. Is this normal? Is it common practice that ppl dont compliment others at a simcha?
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amother
Mayflower
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 1:01 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I bought this really pretty blush colored outfit and no one said a word at the simcha I was at. Is this normal? Is it common practice that ppl dont compliment others at a simcha? |
I totally would have! I have an obsession with blush coloured dresses (looks awful with my complexion unfortunately)
Not everyone is comfortable with doling out compliments though
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amother
Papaya
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 1:01 am
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Don't take it to heart, not every time to people take the minute to compliment. I'm sure it was pretty.
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amother
Springgreen
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 1:42 am
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I’m trying to think of what it was like at the wedding I was at. I really don’t think people complement so much. We all said hello with a little hug and sat down and enjoyed the company. I think we all dressed up and look good. Editing to add did you complement everyone that you said hello to? Because I’m sure everybody felt like they worked hard to get dressed and lift the best they could.
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 1:53 am
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I usually only compliment the baalat Simcha and even then not always ...depends how close we are. I generally don't comment on how people look at all....you never know when a well meaning comment may be received the wrong way . For example: "you look great in the blush, you should wear it more often," could be understood as, " What a horrible thing to say, so and so thinks I usually don't look good at all ..."
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amother
Silver
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 1:58 am
Went to a wedding recently in Israel and got lots of compliments and heard people complimenting others
Maybe it’s the part of world you’re in. I know in the states there’s more distance between people.
I’m sure you looked gorgeous! If I were there, I would have complimented you
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Raizle
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 2:51 am
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OP, did you compliment others? Sometimes I get compliments, sometimes I don't. I think more often not. I don't think into it.
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amother
Brass
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 3:08 am
I too don't receive compliments on new gorgeous dresses either
Unless I tell them I just bought this
they'll look and compliment
Not sure why, perhaps everyone is too busy thinking about their own looks?
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 6:19 am
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Mother of bride here no compliments on myself or bride
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amother
Lightgray
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 6:37 am
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Only relatives will compliment for some reason but it doesn’t mean that people didn’t notice. They went home thinking- esty really looked good..
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Tao
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:07 am
| amother Orange wrote: | | Mother of bride here no compliments on myself or bride |
That's so wrong, and I'm pretty sure it's a mitzva to tell a bride she looks beautiful. I remember my father learning it with me, I'm almost sure it's in gemara? That two halachic authorities were having an argument, are you allowed to tell a bride she looks beautiful if you really don't think so, is it permitted to lie for her feelings? And the answer is yes, you should always tell a bride she looks beautiful, because by virtue of being a bride, she IS beautiful, so it is not a lie.
I really cannot imagine going to a wedding and not telling the kallah's motehr that the kallah looks beautiful. Not ok
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hodeez
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:14 am
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I go out of my way to compliment, such an easy way to change someone's day
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amother
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:16 am
| amother Lemonchiffon wrote: | | I usually only compliment the baalat Simcha and even then not always ...depends how close we are. I generally don't comment on how people look at all....you never know when a well meaning comment may be received the wrong way . For example: "you look great in the blush, you should wear it more often," could be understood as, " What a horrible thing to say, so and so thinks I usually don't look good at all ..." |
Yeah, I agree with this train of thought. Society is slowly being de-conditioned from doling out compliments because everyone is so sensitive these days.
If I say you look great today, someone might think that I'm saying that I didn't look great yesterday. If I say the color really suits you, then she may think that the color she wore yesterday was no good. If I compliment her and forgot to compliment a nearby relative then that relative may think that she doesn't look good, etc.
It is so much easier to keep your mouth shut than to have to weigh every word that comes out of your mouth. So people keep quiet.
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zaq
↓
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:23 am
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As a random guest I wouldn't expect to get compliments no matter how super I imagined I looked. As the bride, of course; as the MOB or MOG, possibly; as anyone else? No. Not unless I had done something extraordinary like lose fifty pounds or go from mouse brown to strawberry blonde.
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amother
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:24 am
| zaq wrote: | | As a random guest I wouldn't expect to get compliments no matter how super I imagined I looked. As the bride, of course; as the MOB or MOG, possibly; as anyone else? No. Not unless I had done something extraordinary like lose fifty pounds or go from mouse brown to strawberry blonde. |
Lol - I probably wouldn't recognize you to even consider a compliment.
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amother
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 6:55 pm
Thank you everyone for the responces
My point was realy not about me it was more about the culture, that it seems that people do not compliment others which is very sad, what a difference we can make to other people life with small stuff.
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zaq
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 7:27 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | | Lol - I probably wouldn't recognize you to even consider a compliment. |
Ah, that explains the radio silence!
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paperflowers
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 8:02 pm
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It's not that I don't compliment. I do but not all the time, even if someone looks amazing. Once people start complimenting appearances then the talk becomes about clothes and also if someone compliments my appearance a lot then I know they always notice what I'm wearing and I don't like that pressure so I don't want to do that to other people. I know that's kind of twisted logic.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 8:14 pm
I think it’s more personality thing. I hate compliments I don’t give besides to my kids and husband and I don’t want to hear it either. My sister on the other hand loves when you comment about everything- hair makeup clothing jewelry shoes etc.
My point is maybe you weren’t getting compliments because the other person doesn’t like to compliment/get compliments and nothing to do with you at all.
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amother
Steel
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 8:17 pm
| hodeez wrote: | | I go out of my way to compliment, such an easy way to change someone's day |
I don't see it as going out of my way at all. It's so easy to tell someone I love what they're wearing, why not say it?
Interestingly enough, I always receive compliments on my outfits from friends and family.
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