Sil didn't compliment even once!

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:14 pm

Hosted my new sil and other guest for a Shabbos meal. Went all out with the decor and food. Everything was delicious and decor was stunning, if I may say so myself. Other guests were ultra complimentary. She didn't say a word. When she left she said a simple thank you.
I was so turned off. When I eat out I make sure to compliment every course.
She is ultra shy but I think besides for that she comes across as more of a cold person.
What's your take on this?

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:16 pm

Ya maybe she’s a cold person… maybe she and her husband were in a fight. Maybe she feels out of place. Maybe they haven’t been married that long and she’s uncomfortable. You probably did a great job , try not to need validation from her. You seem like a great hostess , but if she’s a party pooper then you just can’t please the party pooper

imaima ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

So shy that she is cold, it’s so typical. She needs to warm up to you

↑ imaima ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:18 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

Maybe she is uber concentrated on everyone noticing that she is nidda / not nidda, like many threads seem to showcase

octopus

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:19 pm

She's new? Then give her more time to acclimate to your family. Maybe she was overwhelmed at the perfection. You can give it more time before labeling her as cold. You don't host people to get compliments. She said thank you. While I understand that was an underwhelming response I find your interpretation mind boggling as well. I think it's too soon to judge.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:19 pm

It's also more of a question if I should invite them again. My bil was ultra complimentary. I told dh afterwards that we should really invite them more often. But his wife's behavior really turned me off.
Maybe I should be the better one. But I can't stand when people act like this.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:20 pm

You just said she’s a new sister-in-law. I’m not sure how new but maybe she really was that shy and was so afraid of saying the wrong thing. She might suffer from anxiety and I’ve had already a really hard time adjusting to marriage. I’m sure you did a great job at hosting and I hope that you host her again and don’t judge her based on this one time. I think People forget how hard it is to adjust a marriage. I was pregnant right away and super hormonal and emotional. I say I wouldn’t go back to that first year for anything. I’m sure I must’ve been hosted by. Somebody was probably not the best place

amother

Moonstone

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:20 pm

I would be overwhelmed with such fancy food and decor on a regular shabbos, would make me feel uncomfortable and I could never live up to this family feelings. But then again she might just be shy.. give her some time

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:20 pm

It’s is very typical of shy people.
I have relatives like that .
Also not everyone is warm and gushy type…

amother

Aubergine ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:22 pm

She's a new SIL and you said she's really shy. Why are you picking a fight? You need to stop doing things and expecting compliments. And just give her time to warm up.

Yes it's nice to get compliments, but it's extreme to consodernot inviting family over because they didn't compliment you and only said thank you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:23 pm

I guess I'm so different that to me it's inconceivable that someone can act this way. My other sil is the opposite when she comes. So complimentary and thankful.
I guess I'll give it more time.
Thanks everyone!
And to explain I don't need a million compliments but some acknowledgement of my food and decor would have been appropriate.

↑ imaima ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Of course host them again. How is she supposed to even know if it was special or typical for you? It’s her first time in your house.
You also don’t need to put up a show. Serve your regular meals.

amother

Anemone

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:26 pm

I didn’t grow up with great role models in complimenting. My parents sb was and is still terrible usually no compliments coming from them only insults and we rarely got invited bec well they are a handful
I don’t know how to compliment I think it’s weird I’m not the type of person who gushes I see you all beautiful in a wedding gown I say it’s nice when invited for a meal I say your cooking is good or tasty not much else if you ask if I like something I say yes or it’s ok
Nothing to take personally I would never compliment every course I would say one thank you
I mean what I say so if I say the food was delish it was delish
Hope this gives you a better perspective on other peoples personalities

amother

NeonPink

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:27 pm

Im not great at complimenting people because I have a hard time accepting them from people. My thank you is genuine without specifying.

Everyone is different. Don’t judge her so harshly.

amother

Alyssum ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please do not compare! I’m shy by nature and it takes me time to open up and talk to people. Just because your other sil is more outgoing and gave you the compliments you expected doesn’t make this one rude.

Honestly I probably wouldn’t want to be your guest if you have such expectations. She’s newly married, cut her some slack.

amother

Blush

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:30 pm

I have a similar situation with a newer sil. It's really hard to have them in your house especially because she doesn't seem at all interested in being my friend. I try to tell myself that it's not me, it's her own pain, issues, shyness, small place.

amother

Snapdragon

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:32 pm

I’m a really shy person. I’m sure the first few times I went to my sisters in law for Shabbos, I wasn’t the best guest. I need to warm up to people before I can act normally. Appreciate your non-shy privilege and lay off your sil.

amother

Hosta ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:33 pm

If she is shy that’s your answer

I am shy and would be intimidated to say more than thank you to a new and older /more experienced or talented sil

amother

Gardenia ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 2:35 pm

Oy please give her grace! Her husband complimented plenty, can't that be enough for you? You said yourself that she's shy.