Bungalow 21 | Imamother

amother

Pink ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 8:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Have you been miriam?

yes. The one time I tried going to country for a full summer. Some ladies were nice but I was never included in anything outside of the talking circle.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 8:41 pm

amother Pink wrote:

yes. The one time I tried going to country for a full summer. Some ladies were nice but I was never included in anything outside of the talking circle.

♥ Were you the only 1 excluded?

amother

↑ Pink ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 8:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

♥ Were you the only 1 excluded?

I was the only new one.

Not every activity everyone wants to join but I was never aware of anything until after. Like I would suddenly see everyone dressed up and heading to the parking lot. I would ask the few that stayed behind where are they heading and they would say oh to... ( Let's say restaurant or pop up shop) The ones that stayed behind chose not to go I was never given the choice.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:14 pm

amother Pink wrote:

Ouch! how did you survive?

I hope this story brings awareness..

amother

Currant ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:23 pm

I was her in high school. I was put in a class with a group of girls that were together from elementary school. Any one I knew was in a different class and no one in my class said 2 words to me voluntarily.

I was miserable.

At some point, I gave up trying to find a friend and switched to a different high school where they were much friendlier.

I find this story intensely triggering. It brings up such bad memories.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:25 pm

amother Pink wrote:

Did you ask? Did you approach one of those going and say, That sounds like fun, I would love to join.

There usually isnt an engraved invitation, just talk among those who they think would want to join. Perhaps it wasnt intentional?

amother

↑ Pink ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:27 pm

I do want to mention that I was always part of the in crowd up until that point in my life. I never knew you can feel alone in a crowd. I definitely gained awareness with my country experience.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:27 pm

amother Currant wrote:

Actually I admire that you were able to take charge of your situation, change schools and find friends. The first school lost out on an amazing friend who would have enriched their lives.
You learned a powerful lesson.

amother

↑ Pink

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:36 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

when the car service is waiting I can't simply say I want to join can you all wait for me to get dressed and dress my baby and pack up my baby bag etc. I did mention to the other that I would of loved to join and they answered oh a pity maybe next time but the next time was a repeat.
I don't think it was just a talk. It was either on the group chat (that they felt there's no need for me to be on it cause I'm new and I might not return next year so what's the point) or it was a conversation that happened on someone's screened porch or inside a bungalow without me being aware that everyone was there.

amother

↑ Currant

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:38 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

I give my parents a lot of credit. Most people who heard that I switched, thought we were crazy. It was from one of the hardest schools to get into to a school that takes everyone.

My parents saw I was a shell of myself and tried everything to make it work. But when it didn't, they encouraged me to switch and did everything they could to smooth the transition.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 11:30 pm

amother Pink wrote:

WOW!! What a nasty buncha.... They dont deserve you and I wouldnt return.
Please dont think everyone is like them.

I once overheard a woman in shul mentioning a shiur that afternoon. I said I wanted to join, she tells me its not for my type....I tried protesting that I would love to go once and see. She shut me down, that its not for my type and wouldnt tell me. I found a better, friendlier shiur group with whom I am still close.

Green Tea

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 11:38 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

This is clearly not the answer. It hasn’t worked - not for Miriam, not for the real life responses we see here.
There needs to be an awareness and change in behavior.
How come we can be so medakdek on many halachos, and just completely run over basic bein adam lechavero??
To me, it just feels like high school vibes and American culture of who’s “in” and who’s “not in” coming through. Why???
Also have heard of people who were included in the bungalow activities just because they/their children were good at being a doormat for others (have appliances others can use, hold other people’s babies, etc)
Seriously. This behavior of using others needs to stop.

Obviously this only applies to where exclusion and bullying occur, not to friendly bungalow colonies

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Fri, Aug 30 2024, 12:08 am

Green Tea wrote:

I hear you, and what can I say, so sad...
Every word you write is something we should all take to heart.

We need to print and post it on the door of every shul erev RH.

Unfortunately EVERYONE in the In-Crowd or Users dont identify themselves as excluding or using others. They justify their behavior in so many ways. Sigh...

There should be a "Reach out and Include Someone" campaign.

amother

Sand

Fri, Aug 30 2024, 2:06 pm

Green Tea wrote:

It happens in colonies that everyone pat's themselves on the back that they always include everyone. Except they don't

amother

↑ Orange

Sat, Aug 31 2024, 6:49 pm

I’m not sure why this woman doubts herself so much. They are obviously excluding her from activities - it’s not subtle at all. Why can’t she tell her friends and her husband (and herself) that they’re a bunch of snobs and she’s miserable. Why does she keep second guessing herself?