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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Wed, Aug 28 2024, 2:06 pm
| amother Sunflower wrote: | I thought it was more like the doctor started and saw how bad it was and left to talk to the mother shortly after starting the exam.
What I don’t understand is why she never went to an eye doctor. Even at a physical they do a basic eye exam. Schools also have eyesight screening. How was this not caught? |
My daughter had a very slight prescription in second grade. She got glasses then but said she didn't need them so she never wore them. At her annual physicals and other eye tests, her prescription didn't worsen so I didn't interfere when she decided not to wear them.
This past year in ninth grade she told me a few times that she couldn't see the board. After pesach I took her for another eye test and the dr was shocked she's not wearing glasses. She spent not more than two minutes getting tested before she came back out to me. Now that I think about it I don't know how he could test her so quickly unless she told him a bunch of "I don't knows" in order to finish up quickly. This is a very likely scenario. I don't generally go into exam rooms with my teens unless they want me to. An eye test is pretty straightforward, I didn't see a need to be there, she said she didnt need me.
I called the eye dr this morning to ask for her prescription. Currently doubting its accuracy. She doesn't squint to try to see things faraway, she's an A+ student. She has a long walk to and from school every day. She hasn't missed any camp activities or anything that would tell me she isn't seeing what she's supposed to. It could be she's overcompensating other ways.
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doodlesmom
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 2:15 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My daughter had a very slight prescription in second grade. She got glasses then but said she didn't need them so she never wore them. At her annual physicals and other eye tests, her prescription didn't worsen so I didn't interfere when she decided not to wear them.
This past year in ninth grade she told me a few times that she couldn't see the board. After pesach I took her for another eye test and the dr was shocked she's not wearing glasses. She spent not more than two minutes getting tested before she came back out to me. Now that I think about it I don't know how he could test her so quickly unless she told him a bunch of "I don't knows" in order to finish up quickly. This is a very likely scenario. I don't generally go into exam rooms with my teens unless they want me to. An eye test is pretty straightforward, I didn't see a need to be there, she said she didnt need me.
I called the eye dr this morning to ask for her prescription. Currently doubting its accuracy. She doesn't squint to try to see things faraway, she's an A+ student. She has a long walk to and from school every day. She hasn't missed any camp activities or anything that would tell me she isn't seeing what she's supposed to. It could be she's overcompensating other ways. |
I know a bit of how eye exams work nowadays, and they usually take a look at the eyes through a machine beforehand which gives them a pretty accurate prescription without feedback from the patient.
So I don’t think she can fake it that much.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 2:22 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My daughter had a very slight prescription in second grade. She got glasses then but said she didn't need them so she never wore them. At her annual physicals and other eye tests, her prescription didn't worsen so I didn't interfere when she decided not to wear them.
This past year in ninth grade she told me a few times that she couldn't see the board. After pesach I took her for another eye test and the dr was shocked she's not wearing glasses. She spent not more than two minutes getting tested before she came back out to me. Now that I think about it I don't know how he could test her so quickly unless she told him a bunch of "I don't knows" in order to finish up quickly. This is a very likely scenario. I don't generally go into exam rooms with my teens unless they want me to. An eye test is pretty straightforward, I didn't see a need to be there, she said she didnt need me.
I called the eye dr this morning to ask for her prescription. Currently doubting its accuracy. She doesn't squint to try to see things faraway, she's an A+ student. She has a long walk to and from school every day. She hasn't missed any camp activities or anything that would tell me she isn't seeing what she's supposed to. It could be she's overcompensating other ways. |
So which one is it? Is she a stubborn and wasteful and careless about her health? Causing you to purchase expensive glasses for her and then refusing to wear them or lying and manipulative? Faking far sightedness just for the giggles?
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 2:32 pm
| amother Thistle wrote: | | So which one is it? Is she a stubborn and wasteful and careless about her health? Causing you to purchase expensive glasses for her and then refusing to wear them or lying and manipulative? Faking far sightedness just for the giggles? |
Excuse me?
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:16 pm
| ally wrote: | | OP, are you lubavitch? |
Not wearing contacts is not just a lubavitch thing.
Some Lubavitchers wear contacts.
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octopus
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:19 pm
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The doctors can tell what prescription you are without doing the exam they can see. They can tell if you are lying.
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sequoia
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:35 pm
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This is getting weirder and weirder.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:35 pm
| ally wrote: | | OP, are you lubavitch? |
Why does it matter if she is?
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:44 pm
| amother Milk wrote: | Not wearing contacts is not just a lubavitch thing.
Some Lubavitchers wear contacts. |
Interesting. What's the reason for this?
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:52 pm
| amother Puce wrote: | I don't think it's as simple as you describe. It comes down to the moms approach, hpw the parents manage a situation..
If it's- I'm really sorry but it's unfortunately unaffordable right now. I would so love to get it for you but it's really not doable. How can we make it work with the current options - then yeah it won't lead the kid to harm.
But if it's - this is just a teenage whim, and no matter how important you think it is to you I don't agree with your assessment. So I'll stand on principle and force you to comply - then yeah, it can lead a kid to disconnect from the parent setting the stage for further trouble. |
But that wasn't the post I quoted. That amother just said basically pay for contacts or you will pay for rehab. My post from YEARS of experience show that in the vast majority of cases there is a lot more going on than not getting contacts.
I now did read until this post. I feel like OP isn't explaining herself well. There is a lot missing from the story but what we do know is that mom took her daughter to take care of poor eyesight. She let her daughter choose glasses. She didn't force her daughter to get the absolute cheapest pair. Now her daughter refuses to wear them. Did she actually ask for contacts? Did she say she would wear them or was she pressured? Or did she like them but now feels self conscious? Maybe there is a medical or mental health issue going on? Trouble adjusting to change? Social anxiety?
The same OP could be:
"Hey, my daughter loved the glasses at the store but now can't seem to remember to put them on. Any changes to her routine sets her off and causes her to struggle, any suggestions?"
Or
"She refuses contacts and won't wear her glasses, any ideas?"
Or
"For medical reasons she can't wear contacts and wont wear glasses, any ideas?".
Or it could be a stubborn mom about contacts but about everything else she is flexible and fine. Maybe mom knows she can't take care of them.
We just don't know the full story. Maybe it is me as a therapist knowing there is always another side or part that is kept hidden. We see it in threads where 10 pages in a whole new part gets revealed. I see it in session often. The presenting issue is usually not the "real" issue.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 3:58 pm
The rebbe said not to wear contacts. (I guess. Back then it wasn’t safe.- I wasn’t alive when the rebbe said this)
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:05 pm
| amother Dahlia wrote: | But that wasn't the post I quoted. That amother just said basically pay for contacts or you will pay for rehab. My post from YEARS of experience show that in the vast majority of cases there is a lot more going on than not getting contacts.
I now did read until this post. I feel like OP isn't explaining herself well. There is a lot missing from the story but what we do know is that mom took her daughter to take care of poor eyesight. She let her daughter choose glasses. She didn't force her daughter to get the absolute cheapest pair. Now her daughter refuses to wear them. Did she actually ask for contacts? Did she say she would wear them or was she pressured? Or did she like them but now feels self conscious? Maybe there is a medical or mental health issue going on? Trouble adjusting to change? Social anxiety?
The same OP could be:
"Hey, my daughter loved the glasses at the store but now can't seem to remember to put them on. Any changes to her routine sets her off and causes her to struggle, any suggestions?"
Or
"She refuses contacts and won't wear her glasses, any ideas?"
Or
"For medical reasons she can't wear contacts and wont wear glasses, any ideas?".
Or it could be a stubborn mom about contacts but about everything else she is flexible and fine. Maybe mom knows she can't take care of them.
We just don't know the full story. Maybe it is me as a therapist knowing there is always another side or part that is kept hidden. We see it in threads where 10 pages in a whole new part gets revealed. I see it in session often. The presenting issue is usually not the "real" issue. |
Or the 13 pages of responders got it right and mom is stubborn and rigid. I respect your looking for the exception but when you hear hoofbeats think horses not zebras
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:19 pm
| amother Dahlia wrote: | But that wasn't the post I quoted. That amother just said basically pay for contacts or you will pay for rehab. My post from YEARS of experience show that in the vast majority of cases there is a lot more going on than not getting contacts.
I now did read until this post. I feel like OP isn't explaining herself well. There is a lot missing from the story but what we do know is that mom took her daughter to take care of poor eyesight. She let her daughter choose glasses. She didn't force her daughter to get the absolute cheapest pair. Now her daughter refuses to wear them. Did she actually ask for contacts? Did she say she would wear them or was she pressured? Or did she like them but now feels self conscious? Maybe there is a medical or mental health issue going on? Trouble adjusting to change? Social anxiety?
The same OP could be:
"Hey, my daughter loved the glasses at the store but now can't seem to remember to put them on. Any changes to her routine sets her off and causes her to struggle, any suggestions?"
Or
"She refuses contacts and won't wear her glasses, any ideas?"
Or
"For medical reasons she can't wear contacts and wont wear glasses, any ideas?".
Or it could be a stubborn mom about contacts but about everything else she is flexible and fine. Maybe mom knows she can't take care of them.
We just don't know the full story. Maybe it is me as a therapist knowing there is always another side or part that is kept hidden. We see it in threads where 10 pages in a whole new part gets revealed. I see it in session often. The presenting issue is usually not the "real" issue. |
My dear, we don't know the full story, but we do know what she did say. All the information is in the previous pages ans we have the same info as you.
She said that she isn't interested in giving into "unreasonable teenage whims." She made it clear that that was the reason for not offering it to her daughter. So, in this conversation, why would you assume "she refuses contacts, and won't wear glasses" or that she "loved her glasses at the store?"
Simply put, mom made herself pretty clear.
Moreover, look at the way she describes the problem in the first post she said - my daughter agreed to the glasses. She didn't say she loved them or even liked them.
She said it was an expensive pair. That doesn't mean it was the daughter's choice or that she liked them. Just that she "agreed". When I take my kid to the glasses store, I wouldn't say "she agreed" to get glasses. Maybe I'm reading too much into the words. But mom definitely did not say the daughter loved them.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:26 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My daughter had a very slight prescription in second grade. She got glasses then but said she didn't need them so she never wore them. At her annual physicals and other eye tests, her prescription didn't worsen so I didn't interfere when she decided not to wear them.
This past year in ninth grade she told me a few times that she couldn't see the board. After pesach I took her for another eye test and the dr was shocked she's not wearing glasses. She spent not more than two minutes getting tested before she came back out to me. Now that I think about it I don't know how he could test her so quickly unless she told him a bunch of "I don't knows" in order to finish up quickly. This is a very likely scenario. I don't generally go into exam rooms with my teens unless they want me to. An eye test is pretty straightforward, I didn't see a need to be there, she said she didnt need me.
I called the eye dr this morning to ask for her prescription. Currently doubting its accuracy. She doesn't squint to try to see things faraway, she's an A+ student. She has a long walk to and from school every day. She hasn't missed any camp activities or anything that would tell me she isn't seeing what she's supposed to. It could be she's overcompensating other ways. |
We have nearsightedness in my family. I think it’s easier to get away with farsightedness. And also farsightedness can go away, someone who’s farsighted can have their eyes get better more than someone who’s nearsighted.
It could be she’s compensating. Or it could be people expect kids to be near sighted since it’s much more common so they’re not looking for farsighted.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:43 pm
| amother Dahlia wrote: | But that wasn't the post I quoted. That amother just said basically pay for contacts or you will pay for rehab. My post from YEARS of experience show that in the vast majority of cases there is a lot more going on than not getting contacts.
I now did read until this post. I feel like OP isn't explaining herself well. There is a lot missing from the story but what we do know is that mom took her daughter to take care of poor eyesight. She let her daughter choose glasses. She didn't force her daughter to get the absolute cheapest pair. Now her daughter refuses to wear them. Did she actually ask for contacts? Did she say she would wear them or was she pressured? Or did she like them but now feels self conscious? Maybe there is a medical or mental health issue going on? Trouble adjusting to change? Social anxiety?
The same OP could be:
"Hey, my daughter loved the glasses at the store but now can't seem to remember to put them on. Any changes to her routine sets her off and causes her to struggle, any suggestions?"
Or
"She refuses contacts and won't wear her glasses, any ideas?"
Or
"For medical reasons she can't wear contacts and wont wear glasses, any ideas?".
Or it could be a stubborn mom about contacts but about everything else she is flexible and fine. Maybe mom knows she can't take care of them.
We just don't know the full story. Maybe it is me as a therapist knowing there is always another side or part that is kept hidden. We see it in threads where 10 pages in a whole new part gets revealed. I see it in session often. The presenting issue is usually not the "real" issue. |
Yes you are right. My apologies for not fleshing out my daughter's entire history in my first post. Does anyone include every bit of info in their OP? I posted the relevant part, my daughter needs glasses and won't wear them, and contact lenses are not an option. I should have written: how do I help my daughter adjust to change?
Every teen anywhere needs to adjust to some type of change. Do people think I don't recognize the challenge or understand my daughter? I have tried to speak with her many times until I let it go for a little while. Obviously she cannot continue on this way.
I mentioned a therapist for her because every teen can use someone to help them through social situations. It would be a help in this case.
My daughter is a beautiful, generous, hard-working, popular girl. She is incredibly smart. She also is extremely resistant to change.
Show me a teenager who isn't.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:48 pm
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And as the mother, now is your opportunity to model flexibility and understanding.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:48 pm
| amother Sunflower wrote: | We have nearsightedness in my family. I think it’s easier to get away with farsightedness. And also farsightedness can go away, someone who’s farsighted can have their eyes get better more than someone who’s nearsighted.
It could be she’s compensating. Or it could be people expect kids to be near sighted since it’s much more common so they’re not looking for farsighted. |
I do have a son with farsightedness but this daughter is nearsighted.
How does a girl who needs glasses manage to walk to and from school every day along busy streets, get A+ on her finals, and have a normal good time in camp?
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amother
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:49 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Yes you are right. My apologies for not fleshing out my daughter's entire history in my first post. Does anyone include every bit of info in their OP? I posted the relevant part, my daughter needs glasses and won't wear them, and contact lenses are not an option. I should have written: how do I help my daughter adjust to change?
Every teen anywhere needs to adjust to some type of change. Do people think I don't recognize the challenge or understand my daughter? I have tried to speak with her many times until I let it go for a little while. Obviously she cannot continue on this way.
I mentioned a therapist for her because every teen can use someone to help them through social situations. It would be a help in this case.
My daughter is a beautiful, generous, hard-working, popular girl. She is incredibly smart. She also is extremely resistant to change.
Show me a teenager who isn't. |
You set a good example and model flexibility yourself
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Wolfsbane
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Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:52 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I do have a son with farsightedness but this daughter is nearsighted.
How does a girl who needs glasses manage to walk to and from school every day along busy streets, get A+ on her finals, and have a normal good time in camp? |
I mean, why not? What's her prescription?
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