Refusing to wear glasses

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 2:45 am

Is this really the case? NO high schoolers wear glasses? I'm glad that's not the case in my daughter's school...

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 4:13 am

amother OP wrote:

Apparently you and I live in the same world.
Any amount of people telling me lenses are a necessity, does not convince me.
If she needed braces (she does), I would get her braces (I did). If she thought they were embarrassing it doesn't entitle her to the newest removable braces.
If she needed a hearing aid, I would get her that (she doesn't).
If she needed some kind of cast or brace or appliance, I would get that for her.
She does not need lenses. She has glasses.

OP, do you wear glasses? I do and I can tell you it's an enormous difference between glasses and contact lenses. You cannot compare the two.
Please stop this power struggle with your daughter, nothing good can come out of it.

amother

Jade ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 4:21 am

You have no choice in this case.
She will have to get lenses even though you really don’t want her to.
What will happen is that once she starts wearing the lenses , she won’t be able to manage when she takes them off and she will wear her glasses in the house. After wearing her glasses inside she might even wear them outside at times.
For now you have no choice and you should order the lenses for her.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 4:24 am

amother Jade wrote:

Once in a while even some one who wears lenses 24/7 will have to temporarily remove them because of a cold or eye infection etc.

amother

Molasses ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 4:39 am

OP, my parents are not the coddling and giving in type- they're actually pretty strict.

But I was 15 and needed glasses- and would not wear glasses. I have no idea why I was so insistent on it, but I was. There was no way.
They let me get contacts. They made their calculations and I guess they realized that was what I needed at the time.

I didn't even own glasses for many years.
Fast forward to one pregnancy my eyes were so itchy, turns out I developed an allergy to the contacts I had, and my eyes needed a break. I bought glasses and haven't looked back LOL

besides for some simchos I always wear glasses.

It is not cheaper. I end up replacing about once a year

↑ Hashem_Yaazor ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 5:23 am

amother OP wrote:

No many people do not change their glasses yearly according to style. It goes based on need. Prescription change, broken frames, scratched lenses, size adjustment, something like that. Glasses can last a good 3-4 or more years.

I've been wearing glasses since I was a very young girl. I'm wearing the same pair for I don't know how many years now, definitely before covid.

I still budgeted for my daughter's social emotional needs to have lenses for cosmetic reasons and even more for specialty contacts for my other daughter's medical needs.

Just like you find the money for braces, you find the money (or work it out with her financially) for her to be able to see in whatever way she'll agree. And I don't buy brand name backpacks every 2 years for social needs or any other shtussim like that. But usually you can find decent pricing on monthlies, it may cost less than a cell phone plan, definitely less than a mishpacha subscription, and have your daughter see and feel confident.

I remember my mother explaining to my father (she didn't even wear glasses) when I was a kid that I couldn't just get the free ugly plastic glasses insurance paid for in the 90s and they should let me choose from the wire frames that everyone my age were wearing even if they had to pay something out of pocket. Girls need to feel good about themselves when they're going to be wearing something so prominent every single day.

amother

Puce ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:36 am

amother OP wrote:

I also live in the same world as you do, but I think you are very wrong in this case. Your daughter's face is what she presents to the world and you are stubbornly refusing to listen to how important it is to her.

Please recognize that she is 14, a so very vulnerable stage in her life. This is of extreme importance to her, so much so that she is willing to walk around literally in a very blurry world every minute of her life. I would even harbor a guess that this is why she kept it a secret for so long. She didn't want to tell you because you would act exactly like you are doing now.

There is a time to stand on principle and this isn't it. Let's say she does need a hearing aid, would you insist in getting her the large clunky type that is uncomfortable and is viewable from afar? Or would you get her one that she is comfortable with so that it improves her life?

We aren't talking about a backpack or some notebooks. We are talking about her eyesight. If she is willing to walk around half blind rather than wear glasses, doesn't is tell you how important this is to her. Part of being a mother is recognizing when to put our foot down and when not to. This is definitely a case of the latter.

As others have said, you may win the battle but lose the war. You are setting yourself up as an adversary in her life instead of building connections with her. As she encounters further challenges as she matures, do you think she will come to you to work things through or will she find ways to work around you?

amother

↑ Puce ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:42 am

amother OP wrote:

Many girls that wear glasses get new glasses every 1-2 years at the very least. They want it to be trendy and keep up with the styles. So think about what you are asking of her. Not only are you refusing to get her lenses, you are going to subject her to be nerdy and outdated all of high school?

FYI - I have two kids wearing lenses. The expenses between glasses and lenses are pretty much comparable. At most, you are talking about a difference of approximately $100. At the very least, offer your daughter the option to make up the difference.

I can tell you that therapy or any accident that results from not seeing properly will be much more costly than $100.

amother

↑ DarkYellow ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:46 am

Hopefully your daughter doesn't permanently damage her vision from your stubborn refusal to get her lenses

amother

↑ Sunflower ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:51 am

I will also say that one of my teens had been getting new glasses every six months or so because her prescription was getting worse and worse. We were told contacts might help stabilize her eyes and so far BH BAH she hasn’t gotten a new prescription.
Sometimes it isn’t purely cosmetic.

amother

Eggshell ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:53 am

If you live in the u.s., I recommend you try costco optical for contacts. My 2 dd and I all buy from them, and the contacts are WAY less money. In my case, half of what I would have paid elsewhere. In case of theirs, about 60%. This was actually recommended by my eye Dr who said he can't approach those prices on same contacts.
Good luck!

amother

↑ Puce ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 8:04 am

amother Sunflower wrote:

This is very true. My kids prescription kept going up and up and then stayed put once they got lenses.

Same thing happened to me as a kid. My prescription literally jumped around 100 every year until I got lenses. I have been steady since then.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 8:13 am

My daughter got glasses in 5th grade. At that point, she wore them parttime for the board. By 7th, she needed them full time and wanted lenses. We got her lenses for an upcoming Simcha. We thought she would wear glasses mostly and save the lenses for certain occasions. It didn't work out that way and once she started wearing them, she almost always wore them. Sometimes on a Friday or during finals if she's been up most of the night studying, she wear her glasses. The lenses are really not that expensive. I did a lot of research and I pay $25 for 6 lenses (3 pairs of bi weekly) which is a six week supply. That's approximately $250 for the year. Since she wears her glasses so infrequently and mostly around the house, we don't replace her glasses every year, and we don't buy her the most expensive designer frames. But I did come to realize that this was important to her. In 7th grade, she was the first in her class to get. Now she's going into 11th and while there are a few girls who wear glasses, most do not, for sure full time.

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 8:46 am

I have terrible eyesight and have worn glasses since age 6 and lenses since 10.

I always hated my glasses for one simple reason: I couldn’t really see how they would look when I tried them on! Firstly because I couldn’t see myself without the prescription, and secondly because my prescription is so high that the frames look very different once my lenses are in there.

So that could be a big reason that she chose these glasses and now refuses to wear them.

I’d get her the lenses. I never wear my glasses, I see much better in lenses.

amother

↑ DarkYellow ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 8:54 am

Op I wonder if you really can't afford the lenses or you are stuck on the principle that "we don't wear lenses glasses are good enough for us"

notshanarishona ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 8:56 am

Everyone feels uncomfortable the first time they wear glasses. Eventually she will decide to stop being stubborn and just wear them. I would give her the option of earning money for contacts but that she has to wear glasses meanwhile. Plenty of girls at that age have glasses.

↑ notshanarishona ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 8:57 am

amother OP wrote:

My daughters prescription sometimes changes twice in one year. Growing kid’s glasses don’t last for 3 years.

amother

DarkMagenta ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:00 am

amother OP wrote:

Lenses are way too out of my budget. I spent extra on glasses so that she'd have a nice pair to last her.

A 3 month supply for daily (the most expensive type) is about $50 for 3 months supply.
That’s $200 a year.
If you spent several hundred then it comes out cheaper
Plus since it’s daily you don’t spend too much on storage solution. One bottle will last a long time

amother

Dimgray ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:06 am

amother DarkYellow wrote:

Op I wonder if you really can't afford the lenses or you are stuck on the principle that "we don't wear lenses glasses are good enough for us"

This

amother

↑ DarkMagenta ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:24 am

So give her a yearly budget on how much she could spend and let her find them at that price.
Your stubbornness is at the cost of her self esteem
Plus I don’t understand how she went so long without any glasses or contacts

I agree with the poster that asked about not buying sanitary napkins since there are non disposable options

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