40+ Ladies : Advice/What you wish to have done in 20-30s?

amother

PlumPink

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 12:38 pm

Mid-40s. Wish I would have not stopped working completely and kept 2-3 hours of work per week in my field. While it was a huge blessing to be home for the last 10 years, now my kids are older and it’s really hard to find work!

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 1:29 pm

Title first says older ladies so I thought you mean like above retirement age, you know, with lots of wisdom. Then it says 20s-30s . I probably shouldn't pick the title apart but at 35, I think I can give a 24 yr old advice as much as a 41yr old can give me, the one I know are still having babies and looking for advice themselves.
But I do appreciate all advice on here, just didn't expect older ladies to mean my sil who just gave birth, my neighbors who are pregnant, and friends who are ttc, all in their 40s LOL

amother

Clear

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 11:15 pm

amother PlumPink wrote:

This.
I am 56.
I was a stay at home mom (which I thought was the right thing to do to raise healthy children) and worked part time when it became necessary financially.
Now my kids are grown- most of them are in terrible life stages- no motivation, no relationship , not frum etc etc.
I wish with all my heart I had gone back to get a degree in something I loved, rather than just fell into to say I had a degree- and I wish I had devoted more energy to my career. That way I would have something to look forward to and do with a full heart - instead of going just to get paid but getting no satisfaction- which leaves my poor husband with a sad and bored wife- he's wonderful but he shouldn't feel he has to be my everything.

amother

↑ Tealblue

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 5:08 am

amother Clear wrote:

Exactly this. I was a stay at home mom for close to 20 years- then go more schooling under my belt and found a career I love- which at 65+ I still work at full time. And still a mom and bubby to BH a large family, happily!

amother

Amaryllis

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 5:24 am

PlumPink, just wanted to say that I took off 19 years to stay home with my kids (dh had a very difficult schedule and was not available at all.) It took me about 6 years of volunteering and networking, but I finally found my way back to work and have reestablished myself in my career. Don’t give up. It would have helped if I had worked part time, but it would have been very difficult given family circumstances. I also wish that I had spent even more time with my parents, one of whom passed away 15 years ago.

amother

Outerspace ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 9:16 am

amother Currant wrote:

Dont gain so much weight during pregnancy it gets harder and harder to come off

Like don't gain. And for those that gain without barely touching food? I find this comment extremely insensitive.

amother

Dahlia

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 9:22 am

amother OP wrote:

What do you wish you could have done differently in your life?
Any sphere: Parenting/chinuch/relationships/self/life goals?

Super curious to hear your thoughts, I am sure it could help a lot of imas with their direction or just provide valuable life insights and tips!

ETA
thank you dear ladies for your valuable insights & advice! Please keep the responses coming!

Mid 40s here. Not push a bad marriage down the road. Either make it work or get out. It won't get better if all that you're doing is sticking it out.

amother

↑ Currant

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 3:37 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

Like don't gain. And for those that gain without barely touching food? I find this comment extremely insensitive.

Why is it insensitive? Im speaking about my personal experiences I wish I hadnt let myself go and super indulged during my pregnancies my later ones was hard to lose and I regretted. Not sure what I said that was wrong. If this doesnt apply to u maybe skip 🤷‍♀️

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 3:42 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

I edited the title. 🙏🏼 I appreciate your oversight!

Dear ladies, thank you for all the insights & would be interested to hear other imas who would like to share!

So far I saw another thread come off of this asking for relationship advice, since this thread inspired someone to work on their marriage in their 30s!!

amother

↑ Outerspace

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 9:19 am

amother Currant wrote:

It applies too much unfortunately.

amother

↑ Cantaloupe

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 9:21 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

Like don't gain. And for those that gain without barely touching food? I find this comment extremely insensitive.

Every single thing here can be extremely insensitive - kids weight pregnancy skin

I gained 50-60 lbs each pregnancy eating normal and walking daily. I still wish it had not happened.

amother

DarkPurple

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 10:44 am

Mid 40 now.

I wish I would have valued myself more, done more self care etc.
Accept that I'd have a small size family and live with more emunah. If I'd have had the relationship I have now with H', I would have been a lot less stressed.

amother

Green

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 10:48 am

I don’t regret much. I’ve had many challenges that Hashem sent me and don’t believe I could have controlled much of it or done things differently. I think I gave my kids as happy a childhood as I could. They look back with very fond memories. So I feel I did ok. I can offer you advice based on what I did, not what I wish I did differently. Prioritize your relationship with your family over everything. You’ll never regret it.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 11:02 am

I’m 40. I didn’t finish my schooling and now with a large family and a million things, including having a baby on the way, it will be sometime till I go back to college. If I ever get to it.

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 11:24 am

I regret having my last child.
I had terrible pregnancies and I wish I had just let it be. I resent the pain the pregnancies put on me too much. I was too young and naive, thought I could do it all. Well now I know that mental health struggles are real and that I can't compare myself to others. And that children are not everything.

amother

Peachpuff

Fri, Aug 23 2024, 1:05 pm

- learned to drive at 17, I didn't because I didn't need to but now we live OOT and now I'm too anxious to learn (yes I've tried).
- invest our money right away
- gotten a degree in something I loved (not sure what that would have been but now I have nothing).