Can someone actually explain to me

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 8:58 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

My husbands gets home later than that and for many years I didn't work but we aren;t in debt bh

So you waited till your kids got older to work?

amother

Jean

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 8:58 pm

Anyone I know where both parents work full time have lots of paid help and/or one with a flexible schedule.

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 8:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Also how do you get to work at 7 with young kids? I can’t imagine nursing a baby and getting toddler ready and off to daycare by 7. Or does the dad do it all on his own plus davening and get to work by 10? I’m really just trying to understand.

My friend leaves the house before 7 so she can br home early for the kids. Her husbands gets the kids out in the morning. He works from home mostly.

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

So you waited till your kids got older to work?

Yes.
Would need too much house help otherwise so it never paid. I work to get out of the house. I don't make much money because I work very few hours. Its still not easy because sick days, vacation days etc but its not too difficult either.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:03 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Anyone I know where both parents work full time have lots of paid help and/or one with a flexible schedule.

True but even with a flexible schedule it starts to affect your job and standing if you’re taking off for sick days school breaks etc…which you can only avoid if you have a nanny for $45k.

amother

Oleander ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:03 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

your not doing anything wrong. Its not easy!

This. Either you have full time help or the family doesn't function or parents are at a constant state of collapse.

tichellady

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:06 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Anyone I know where both parents work full time have lots of paid help and/or one with a flexible schedule.

Same or they have helpful parents who do a lot for them. Their standards are also different from mine because there just isn’t time

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

True but even with a flexible schedule it starts to affect your job and standing if you’re taking off for sick days school breaks etc…which you can only avoid if you have a nanny for $45k.

No my husband can work from home. So if a child is sick he can stay home and work from home. He prefers to go to the office but his jobs doesn't care as long as he gets his work done. It doesn't affect his job.

amother

Bone

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:07 pm

OP I am with you. I don’t know how people manage. Parenting little kids is a job in itself.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

I dunno..I’ve tried working full time twice and both times I stopped. My husband gets home at 8 or later. Really the reason I ask is because we’re in debt and need more money but whenever I try to increase my hours I just about have a mental breakdown. So I want to know what I’m doing wrong.

This. If your husband gets home after 8:00 (and I presume has an intense job with little flexibility) then you need to have a flexible job. If you're not doing anything wrong, you're only human and can only carry a human load.

If both parents are working, they either share the flexibility or rely on a full-time babysitter or family to fill in the gaps.

amother

↑ Oleander

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:11 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

I'd call that a more flexible job.

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:11 pm

My sil leaves her kids by my ils anytime someone is sick or off. Leaves them by themselves for the weeks between camp and school and school and camp etc

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:11 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

This only works for older kids though

amother

↑ Hyssop

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

This only works for older kids though

Not really. He can make up the work in the nigh hours if hes busy with a lil one during the day, Much easier with older kids yes but can be done with young ones as well. Also I work very few hours with a 5 minute commute so I can take care of sick child most of the day he just covers for a few hours

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:36 pm

I think it only works if one parent at least has a work from home and/or flexible job.
Unless you live near family.
My job is full time ++ but ..it’s not 9-5 the hours are fairly flexible.
So I do carpools, can take kids to apts, take an half day if a kid needs to come home early etc. and I do a lot of catch up at night or on weekends.
I really don’t think it’s doable with 2 parents 9-5.
You are not fully replaceable by xtra cleaning help or nanny either. Someone needs to take the kid to a doctor, deal w groceries etc.

amother

Cobalt ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:39 pm

I'm out of the house at 7 but can do 3 o'clock pickup. Dh leaves after morning drop off and works later. He is more flexible so does Fridays and half days. No cleaning help we both pitch in. I do errands and grocery shopping on Sundays. Dh can take to appointments when needed or I do it when I'm finished work.

I think it is doable for both parents to work full time but one person needs to be more flexible. It's a lot and it's exhausting but the bills need to get paid. And you also need to lower your expectations. Your house may not be perfectly clean and supper may not be gourmet.

chestnut ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:44 pm

How do divorced mothers work full time?

Extended day care hours. Backyard camps for the times between school and camp. Play dates and taking off for Chanukah, chol hamoed, mid winter vacations. Lower your standards for cooking, cleaning, etc. Then lower them more. Any regular appointments on Sundays, unless sick. No carpool, school buses.

Last edited by chestnut on Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:46 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Waterlily ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:45 pm

school has after care
neighbors and friends can take older kids off bus
vacations time is used for days off and sick time is used for sick kids
doctors appts are on weekends

with some people working from home full or part time it’s easier than ever

BH!! makes for a busy life but I wouldn’t want it another way

amother

Khaki

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:47 pm

DH and I work now we have 5 kids, we both work because we hit a point where we were $100k in debt, I hope that explains it well

Debt from a few bad hiccups in life combined with low income etc etc

Its way harder to walk around drowning in debt than be a 2 parent working home. I did both.

amother

Phlox ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:51 pm

chestnut wrote:

Divorced mothers generally don't have babies, and if they do hopefully they have a lot of family help. And the baby grows up quickly... working full time with a baby would be a very temporary situation for a divorced mother.