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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Sun, Aug 11 2024, 11:32 am
I had my first few pretty soon after I got married, and I loved it. I'd get on the floor and play with them, run around and play tag with them, play imaginary games with them...it was great.
At some point, I had a relatively long gap. Those kids are now teenagers, and now I have two toddler/preschoolers. I was so excited to be able to have them. But...I find myself avoiding playing with them. I don't know why. I still love playing with my older kids -- they can play board games now, or word games, or just sit and schmooze. Whenever it's just me and my little ones, though, it's like I feel I desperately need to find a chore to do so I don't have to sit and play with them. I find it so boring.
It's not that I don't have energy -- I'm fine going outside and playing ball with my older kids. But pushing my younger ones on a the swing is just...yawn. It's not that my younger kids are less likeable or harder or kvetchier than my others. They're actually relatively easy and fun and cute.
Anyone else relate? Anyone figure out a way to stop feeling like this?
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amother
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 11:38 am
Same. I'm burnt out. My kids are naturally spaced about 2 years apart. So by the time the baby becomes independent... I'm stuck with another one.
My oldest in early elementary reads and self entertains, the ones in preschool are independent, and I have no patience for the baby. I had no problem sitting in the park for hours with 3 kids. But when everyone else is in school and it's just the 1 baby...
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amother
Clover
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:44 pm
| amother SandyBrown wrote: | Same. I'm burnt out. My kids are naturally spaced about 2 years apart. So by the time the baby becomes independent... I'm stuck with another one.
My oldest in early elementary reads and self entertains, the ones in preschool are independent, and I have no patience for the baby. I had no problem sitting in the park for hours with 3 kids. But when everyone else is in school and it's just the 1 baby... |
Honestly, this is a concerning atittude. Why do you have them if you feel stuck? You don't have to have babies if you don't want to.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:49 pm
| amother Clover wrote: | | Honestly, this is a concerning atittude. Why do you have them if you feel stuck? You don't have to have babies if you don't want to. |
I mean physically stuck. Shabbos with no eruv.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:54 pm
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This is why many women stop at some point. They no longer have it in them to raise another child.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:57 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I had my first few pretty soon after I got married, and I loved it. I'd get on the floor and play with them, run around and play tag with them, play imaginary games with them...it was great.
At some point, I had a relatively long gap. Those kids are now teenagers, and now I have two toddler/preschoolers. I was so excited to be able to have them. But...I find myself avoiding playing with them. I don't know why. I still love playing with my older kids -- they can play board games now, or word games, or just sit and schmooze. Whenever it's just me and my little ones, though, it's like I feel I desperately need to find a chore to do so I don't have to sit and play with them. I find it so boring.
It's not that I don't have energy -- I'm fine going outside and playing ball with my older kids. But pushing my younger ones on a the swing is just...yawn. It's not that my younger kids are less likeable or harder or kvetchier than my others. They're actually relatively easy and fun and cute.
Anyone else relate? Anyone figure out a way to stop feeling like this? |
I feel similar. I had two ideas,
I think it's because of my smartphone. With my older, not only didn't I have a smartphone, I barely had a dumb phone. My attention giving abilities are not what they once were. I wish it weren't so, and I don't know how to change it. When I tried getting rid of my smartphone, I kept missing things that were happening and needed to know about  .
Another thought why it's harder is because it never ends. With my olders, by 8pm my night was mine. I had all the energy to play with my littles during the day and then after bedtime I knew I had time to talk on the phone, take care of things. Now, my older kids go to sleep after me, and it just depletes me.
Do either of these ideas resonate with you?
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amother
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 8:16 pm
| amother Feverfew wrote: | I feel similar. I had two ideas,
I think it's because of my smartphone. With my older, not only didn't I have a smartphone, I barely had a dumb phone. My attention giving abilities are not what they once were. I wish it weren't so, and I don't know how to change it. When I tried getting rid of my smartphone, I kept missing things that were happening and needed to know about .
Another thought why it's harder is because it never ends. With my olders, by 8pm my night was mine. I had all the energy to play with my littles during the day and then after bedtime I knew I had time to talk on the phone, take care of things. Now, my older kids go to sleep after me, and it just depletes me.
Do either of these ideas resonate with you? |
Not the first one, I didn't have a smartphone then and still don't now. I did have very strict rules about not working on the computer or using it all when the kids were around. I think I did away with those self-made rules during Covid lockdown, unfortunately
But also yes, I can no longer confine my work-time to when they're napping or in bed at night. (I work from home.) This is both because now that the kids are older and stay up so much later, I don't have a night anymore, and because I do need to work more in order to stick to our current budget than I used to.
And the "no downtime at night" thing is really hard, I never thought of that. Maybe there's a way that I can intentionally schedule some downtime for myself after the littles are asleep, while still making sure that there's time for my olders. Have you ever tried that?
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amother
Lavender
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 9:20 pm
| amother Feverfew wrote: | I feel similar. I had two ideas,
I think it's because of my smartphone. With my older, not only didn't I have a smartphone, I barely had a dumb phone. My attention giving abilities are not what they once were. I wish it weren't so, and I don't know how to change it. When I tried getting rid of my smartphone, I kept missing things that were happening and needed to know about .
Another thought why it's harder is because it never ends. With my olders, by 8pm my night was mine. I had all the energy to play with my littles during the day and then after bedtime I knew I had time to talk on the phone, take care of things. Now, my older kids go to sleep after me, and it just depletes me.
Do either of these ideas resonate with you? | oh my gosh, yes to both of these! For me, at least.
I think another component for me is that my older kids were closer in age than my younger ones. So it seems "wasteful" to shlep out to a playground for "just 1 kid", whereas with my older kids, I was taking 2 or 3.
But it sounds like OP has at least 2 littles, so I guess she can't relate.
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amother
Nemesia
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 10:49 pm
As you get older your abilities to focus & enjoy things you were younger change
It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good mom
I have 3 teens & 2 little kids .
In many many ways I am much more patient mom & a better mom to my younger kids than I am to my older .
But in nooo way I am the type to sit on the floor and play
And that’s ok  ))
But I think what you also don’t take into account , is the fact that older kids need sooo much emotional energy & you might be feeling depleted !
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amother
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 11:04 pm
| amother Lavender wrote: | oh my gosh, yes to both of these! For me, at least.
I think another component for me is that my older kids were closer in age than my younger ones. So it seems "wasteful" to shlep out to a playground for "just 1 kid", whereas with my older kids, I was taking 2 or 3.
But it sounds like OP has at least 2 littles, so I guess she can't relate. |
That's a good point. I think that applies to me as well. With my olders, I was taking all the kids to the park or whatever activity we were doing (painting, baking, dress up). Now only my two youngers will do those things, the teens and preteens are not interested. It's good to realize this, so I can make a conscious effort to do those things despite it being only one or two kids participating. Thanks!
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amother
Tealblue
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 11:35 pm
| amother Feverfew wrote: | I feel similar. I had two ideas,
I think it's because of my smartphone. With my older, not only didn't I have a smartphone, I barely had a dumb phone. My attention giving abilities are not what they once were. I wish it weren't so, and I don't know how to change it. When I tried getting rid of my smartphone, I kept missing things that were happening and needed to know about .
Another thought why it's harder is because it never ends. With my olders, by 8pm my night was mine. I had all the energy to play with my littles during the day and then after bedtime I knew I had time to talk on the phone, take care of things. Now, my older kids go to sleep after me, and it just depletes me.
Do either of these ideas resonate with you? |
Wow this resonates with me so so so much.
I'll also add, I'm in my mid 30s so and overweight. My knees hurt, and I'm out of shape. Being active isn't easy for me.
My phone is stealing my attention away constantly. I keep saying I'll get a flip phone with no distractions, but haven't done it yet.
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amother
Amaranthus
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:34 am
I'm jealous that you even had the patience to play with your olders when they were little.
I never did or do play with my littles. Once they get older it's a bit easier because I can actually play mature games with them. Although I rarely do.
But the guilt I feel for never sitting down and playing with my babies and toddlers.
I actually have a 2 year old home with me now and I never sit and play with him.
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amother
Begonia
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:40 am
IMO you expect to much from yourself. If you gave your little kids a sibling somewhat close in age, then IMO that completely absolves you of any responsibility to entertain them. You don't need to get on the floor and play,etc, they will be just fine.
Mommy is not a built in entertainment package, housekeeper, maid, cook, private tutor, valet, etc etc, NO!
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amother
Pistachio
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 4:44 pm
| amother Feverfew wrote: | I feel similar. I had two ideas,
I think it's because of my smartphone. With my older, not only didn't I have a smartphone, I barely had a dumb phone. My attention giving abilities are not what they once were. I wish it weren't so, and I don't know how to change it. When I tried getting rid of my smartphone, I kept missing things that were happening and needed to know about .
Another thought why it's harder is because it never ends. With my olders, by 8pm my night was mine. I had all the energy to play with my littles during the day and then after bedtime I knew I had time to talk on the phone, take care of things. Now, my older kids go to sleep after me, and it just depletes me.
Do either of these ideas resonate with you? |
I could've written this
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amother
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 6:21 pm
| amother Begonia wrote: | IMO you expect to much from yourself. If you gave your little kids a sibling somewhat close in age, then IMO that completely absolves you of any responsibility to entertain them. You don't need to get on the floor and play,etc, they will be just fine.
Mommy is not a built in entertainment package, housekeeper, maid, cook, private tutor, valet, etc etc, NO! |
Completely absolves?
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