Del | Imamother

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:18 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm a little nervous to specify because I'm scared to be found out here but we tried the ones that are affiliated with a chasidus or two and others that don't have the names of a chasidus on them (I'm guessing they're the unaffiliated schools?) They all said they're full/have no open slots
There is a school called T.D. which someone my husband knows has a LOT of pull.
But if that's a no then we'll try B.S and G.Y first thing the next year. My husband is losing trust and hope in people who he thought were his friends who said they were gonna speak for us but didn't.

Maybe you and your husband need a mashpia that understands you and your husband and can help you navigate the community in a healthier way . Someone who understands bt and gerem would have been able to guide you both in the beginning of your school hunt and saved you tremendous agmas nefesh.
The experience your husband went through and how he is feeling is unfortunately very common. Only someone from a similar backround or with tremendous experience in the field can relate. With proper guidance you won't have to put yourselves into these situations in the future (there will be stumbling blocks throughout not just getting into schools if you know what they are you can take direct routes and avoid them)

mha3484

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:48 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I second this. I have been frum for close to 20 years and have a 13 year old so starting the mesivta process soon. Raising kids in a culture you were not raised in is hard and you need a supportive community and rav who understands what its like.

This is not a popular opinion but I think people like us do a lot better out of town.

amother

Fuchsia ↓

Thu, Aug 01 2024, 12:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Davening and davening and davening. Someone informed my husband that there is an open slot in one of the schools we applied for a few months ago. We just sent in every reference we could think of again. This was one school that said no because they were full. My fingers are tightly crossed.

Hatzlacha OP!! just saying with love, please don't use the expression fingers crossed in BP or anywhere else you want to fit in, because it's a Christian expression. Many aren't aware of this so just a friendly PSA! Smile

amother

↑ Fuchsia ↓

Thu, Aug 01 2024, 12:56 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

(I can bet most of BP aren't aware of it, either)

true but they would be aware, at least subconsciously, that it is not a typical BP expression and even these subtle sorts of cues can make people stand out as being different or other in some way, and OP is trying to achieve the opposite.

amother

Hydrangea

Thu, Aug 01 2024, 6:51 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

For eight pages amothers are telling you that gan yisroel is the right fit. Respectfully, I feel the imas here get it more than your husband. If I were you I would apply to gy myself and take it from there. If and when your husband manages to get into a school of his choice you can reconsider then. But as a mother you need to make sure to get her into a school thats good for her!
If its too late for this year apply for the following year asap.

I agree with this.
You need to take the initiative and send in applications on your own. It's sounds like your husband wants to fit in very much but this is the chassidishe world we are talking about.

It's more important for your daughter to be in an appropriate setting than the nitty gritty if her friends father's wear white socks on shabbos.

You are your daughter's mother, and there are some things that mothers know best.
Your husband needs to learn to trust you.

Bais Sara and BYBP would probably still accept you for this year.
BYBP is probably your best bet.

You can always switch her for elementary if you regret sending her there.

amother

Snowdrop

Thu, Aug 01 2024, 10:17 am

amother OP wrote:

I would hate to go behind my husband's back. We already talked about it. He said some pointers about GY that I verified with friends in real life that were just plain reality and said it was all true. They all said he's being honest and saying it how it is. We just wanna try to be as integrated as possible. We don't want our kids to be more "weird" than what they already are being children of geirim. I really dont want to ruin my shalom bayis over this. If he says no and he is firm about the no then its simply no. I will not go against my husband.

Have you talked to a rav or mentor together about this?

amother

↑ Salmon ↓

Thu, Aug 01 2024, 12:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wish you lots and lots of hatzlacha OP.
We are BT, and I see some similarities with your husband and mine from what you write. This strong desire to fit in with the chassidish community, speak Yiddish, etc.
It’s painful because no matter how seamlessly you fit in, there will always be a slight difference.
I do believe you might as well embrace it. It’s not going away anyways. Meaning be proud of it, etc.

I’m sensing that you feel some schools are more “included” or the “norm” more than others. Maybe, but I can tell you Beis sura, Bnos Chaya, and Gan Yisroel are all small compared to satmar, bobov, etc in Bp. So you will be in a smaller school without the kind of “name” and ‘taking care of you’ feeling you would get being a part of a larger chassidus.
If you Chas vshalom don’t get in where you want, I strongly feel homeschooling in Bp will not be well accepted, yet sending to not your 1st choice will be better.

Also, tho your husband spoke to many and knows a lot and you respect him, keep in mind that you will have a more inside look to the schools/talking to the women and will see more than him. So speaking to other women will give u more info than him speaking to men, in my opinion. He may get a feeling of a reputation or name, from 1 or 2 men, but we r all on this thread telling you that GY is a chassidish school with just as good a name as BS and the women are likely to see more than the men.

Hatzlacha!

↑ Amelia Bedelia

Thu, Aug 01 2024, 12:30 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

I wouldn't call Bnos Chaya small. I hear they're having four or five parallel nursery classes this September, besides the classes in their Staten Island sister school.

Op, try Bnos Chaya, Bais Sarah, and Pupa again

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 12:59 am

amother Orange wrote:

As far as I know , TD only accepts siblings at this point or someone connected to the school. (Siblings mostly fill up the classes and they don't want to expand). Plenty of very choshuv families and their own alumni get rejected. But perhaps you have the right connections to get in.

BS is not full, shouldn't be a problem getting accepted there

I'll say some tehillim for you. Bezras Hashem, your daughter will get accepted into school.

(As an aside, read about it on the site, I have done the segulah from R' Masya Ben Chorush several times and BH merited yeshuos)

TD grad here and most of my classmates can’t get their kids into the school as alumni, I’d be beyond shocked if OP can get in.

↑ giftedmom

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 1:33 am

amother OP wrote:

I recently heard that beis Surah has a lawsuit going on and might be closing. Maybe verify before getting onto a sinking ship.

amother

↑ Junglegreen

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 10:15 am

amother OP wrote:

We didn't hear back from GY or the school with the open slot. We did get a call from a new school a few days ago who practically begged us to send there but I am very hesitant because
1) its a new school. If my daughter goes she will one of 4 children already registered in nursery
2) the rules are a little too much for me lol (no smartphone or internet even for mothers who have a business) but the principal reassured my husband that an open shaitel is ok and its ok if I speak English instead of yiddish
3) what will happen if there's not enough kids and they will have to close down further down the line chas veshalom
4) dont know what type of "crowd" it is.

Yes I asked the rav. No answer yet and its driving me bonkers.

The only real issue I see is 2. Who cares the crowd and how new it is? It's the spot open for your daughter. Don't be one of those people who rejects the school that wants your daughter, then claims she has nowhere to go to school. This is the door open to her, this is where Hashem wants her.

If the school closes in a few years, she will go somewhere else.

The rules are too much for you - I don't know what to say about that. That's for you to decide at this point. If you are insistent on staying in the community you are in and sending to these schools, then this smartphone rule seems to be across the board. It seems those who are not willing to give up internet simply lie about it, which is apparently very common.