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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Dustypink ↓

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:19 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

They just don’t have tact. I didn’t act like that as a kallah.

There's no "they"
I'm sorry you were hurt

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:49 am

amother OP wrote:

Valid point about the flower girls I guess I meant I would hope my girls would be included in the same capacity as her nieces so as to not fee left out.

Why not plan a short choreographed dance for your girls to do for the kallah during the dancing part, something simple and cute, that can go with any leibedige music, add pom poms or ribbon wands.

Are you making sheva Brachos for them? That would be the time to shine and show the Kallah the relationship you hope to build with her.

Maybe invite the Kallah to lunch or brunch or coffee to get to know her better, try to temper expectations and let the relationship build slowly and naturally. Have you and your dh gone double dating with them yet? Invite them for a Shabbos etc?

I would give her the DLKZ as the others have written. I bet she didnt realize you were waiting to hear about colors, maybe she thought the Chasson told you or you are picking your own,

Hope you enjoy, Mazal TOv. If you need tips we can help.

Elfrida

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:59 am

If she has flowers girls, it is likely to be limited to younger sisters, not nieces. But, as many people have said, there's a good chance that she isn't doing anything like that.

amother

↑ Dustypink

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:09 am

Elfrida wrote:

If she has flowers girls, it is likely to be limited to younger sisters, not nieces. But, as many people have said, there's a good chance that she isn't doing anything like that.

Younger sisters/nieces often have interchangeable roles depending on the Kalla's place in the family (oldest/youngest)

Either way I wouldn't assume there are flower girls or whatever

amother

Green

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:25 am

You are older and more established. I understand that you might be a little insecure (your mentioning of being a BT and a few other comments-but I could be wrong) but the onus is on you to welcome her, ask her, invite her, offer help.

Especially as the older with kids and only frum SIL, you carry some of the MIL responsibilities.

You should be asking her about the plans AND how you can be of assistance. You should be inviting her and reaching out, getting to know her.

flowerpower

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 12:01 pm

In many frum weddings there are no flower girls. The boys side and the girls side each plan their own color scheme. The kids of course are automatically ״in the wedding״ since they are a close relative

amother

Daisy

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 1:22 pm

You are the older established SIL. She is the new addition to the family. Why are you getting offended that she hasn't reached out? You should be welcoming her!

MommyASI

Tue, Aug 13 2024, 5:55 pm

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Wedding party is not a Jewish thing. Why do you assume she has that?

Every wedding I have been to has had the siblings and parents walk to the chuppah or walk down an aisle to their seats. So family is a wedding party.

chestnut

Tue, Aug 13 2024, 6:12 pm

MommyASI wrote:

Every wedding I have been to has had the siblings and parents walk to the chuppah or walk down an aisle to their seats. So family is a wedding party.

Depends on the circles. Most in-town yeshivishe don't do this

amother

↑ Whitesmoke

Tue, Aug 13 2024, 6:27 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

There's no "they"
I'm sorry you were hurt

I was referring to my and op’s sil.
Who were you referring to?
Are you feeling good about your post?
Also, who said I was hurt?

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Aug 13 2024, 6:37 pm

I just want to put out my perspective. I didn't want flower girls. I was basically guilted into making my dhs neices flower girls by my new SIL and MIL.
They totally made me think I was crazy that I didn't want them as flower girls and I gave in.
Please dont do that....

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:41 am

amother Sunflower wrote:

This!

We just blamed the Mesader Kedushin and explained he is against it, only wants streamlined chupahs...

It's not really a Jewish minhag. I'm seeing less and less of it and can't be more grateful. Doesn't enhance the simcha. There are better ways to feel special.

amother

↑ Floralwhite

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 1:46 am

MommyASI wrote:

Every wedding I have been to has had the siblings and parents walk to the chuppah or walk down an aisle to their seats. So family is a wedding party.

Why do you keep bumping up old threads??

CPenzias

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 7:12 am

amother Floralwhite wrote:

Why do you keep bumping up old threads??

This thread was started a month ago. That's old?

amother

Taupe

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 7:15 am

amother Floralwhite wrote:

Why do you keep bumping up old threads??

Relax it’s not old. And it still generates feedback

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