S/o s/o what do consider a “free-for-all” house?

amother

↑ Seagreen ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:38 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

A home with no bedtime for any ages, no mealtime or snack limits *at all*, kids out at all hours with parents not caring.

Adding to this:
Little kids crossing busy streets way too young.
Little kids arriving home from school to a locked door.
Kids taking any food from the kitchen whenever they want.
Kids using sharp knives at a young age.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:43 pm

I’m also curious what parenting style people have- I think people naturally parent according to their personalities, which makes sense, rather than principles (-yet they often do attribute their parenting style to that).

amother

Waterlily

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:46 pm

There is also a person's nature to consider, not just how they were brought up.
For example I had a more "free for all" up bringing, not very many boundaries or schedules at all, mainly because my parents were hardly home.

As adults, most of my siblings do a more structured parenting and routine, some are more like what my parents house is like- flying (but while being a SAHM)
I would say that hose of us who are more structured, I feel like it takes a more conscious effort. Because even if my nature may be neat and punctual, my default is the opposite.

amother

Valerian

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:48 pm

I have one family in mind. They seem to have zero rules.

They eat what they want when they feel like it. No semblance of a shabbos seudah or sit down meal

They walk into neighbors property or house without asking and help themselves to things in others homes

Their kids sit in the front seat in the van if they want. I'm talking about even a short little 5 year old. Probably don't know what a carseat is

Their kids can be found roaming the neighborhood alone. Preschoolers crossing big avenues alone

They dress however they feel like. But that's the least of it.

amother

Marigold

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:57 pm

For me a free for all home is kids running wild and doing what they want when they want.
Examples:
No bedtime.
Not needing to shower or brush teeth ever.
No supervision.
No curfiew/kids can come and fo as they please.
Have candy instead of dinner if they wanted,etc.
No responsibility of their own actions.

To me a free for all home is the extreme, and would be in my opinion, neglect.

This, to me, is different from a lax home. Which would be they have later bedtime then most, say 10pm for a 5yo... but still have a bedtime that is structured and enforced.

Being able to stay out later than most, but not midnight...like 9pm. (Again, young child.

Or, not showering daily, but making sure they are groomed, and shower 1-3x a wk. (Teeth is a must, so I consider that part of groomed Wink

)

I do agree the older children should have more leeway than younger, but should still have guidelines. Once you enter high-school ish age, I'd let them choose bedtime. Curfew later, but not too late. So, in essence, I'd be more lax when they are older then now, where I am more structured.

But, even now, for sure I can be lax at times, let them on occasion have icecream for dinner. They will after that ask for real food, so I'm not worried.

I will let them stay up late on occasion, to do an activity, go with on a quick arrest, etc.

It's balance.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:58 pm

My relative runs a free for all house. House is relatively clean, food is made, errands are taken care of, but the kids don't have rules about hygiene, homework, bedtime, or derech eretz.

Negatives:
Kids are online unsupervised from about age 10.
One teen is very bitter-felt like he was neglected.
2 kids are medicated for anxiety. But that could be unrelated.
They treat their parents like annoying siblings, not parents. Openly disrespectful. Don't feel loved.

Positives:
Her kids are all very independent and learn how to do things earlier than most kids. Most of them shower and brush their teeth regularly.
They are all kind, friendly, ehrlich. But honestly I think it's a miracle/ gift from Hashem. She herself isn't the nicest person.
They have a great family bond. The kids will play board games or have kumzitzes together until 2 am sometimes.
The mother lets things go until it drives her crazy and then she explodes at the kids.

All in all the results are pretty good so far. But I still won't be emulating their parenting. I think it is a miracle that the kids are pretty normal.

amother

↑ Kiwi ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

I found it interesting that the concept of a “free for all” house came up when the topic under discussion was rigidity of bedtime- as if the opposite of a tight routine was free for all.

Confused why you keep repeating yourself despite answers here. And yes no rules is a free for all that’s what it means. There were enough people saying no bedtime, eat when you want, no rules etc.. but you don’t seem interested in having a conversation. You seem rigid ironically.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:05 pm

amother Kiwi wrote:

Ok I think I’m caught up on this thread
It seems like on this thread there is mostly a consensus not even too much discussion on what “free-for-all” means but on the other thread it seemed like what someone here termed “lax home” was considered free for all which is why I started the thread

amother

↑ Kiwi ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

No it was used the same way on there.

amother

↑ Zinnia ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:08 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

This is more than free-for-all 😉

amother

Blushpink ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:17 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

My kids take food whenever they want.

Never do any of the rest of this by any stretch.

Guess I’m neglectful 🤷‍♀️

amother

↑ Seagreen ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:25 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

My kids take food whenever they want.

Never do any of the rest of this by any stretch.

Guess I’m neglectful 🤷‍♀️

They take any food whenever they want? They can eat tomorrow nights dinner or 6 yogurts if they choose or someone's birthday cake?

amother

↑ Blushpink

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:34 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

They take any food whenever they want? They can eat tomorrow nights dinner or 6 yogurts if they choose or someone's birthday cake?

I didn’t say any food. I said food.
Tomorrow nights dinner is never ready so that’s not an issue.
And not they can’t eat other peoples things or unlimited of certain stuff.
But they can eat whenever they want. (Not whatever they want)

amother

↑ Seagreen ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:45 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

Okay, that's different. I wrote any food they want whenever they want.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:51 pm

“It’s actually unhealthy to eat right before bed. Why is anyone feeding their kids supper at 5:30? I give them fruits or vegetables when they come home and feed them at 6:30-7. And yes it's a stalling tactic, and yes this age pushes every boundary, and no free for all houses never work out in the long run, you run into all sorts of problems.”

This is the post that inspired this thread. The parallel is being made between stalling tactics and pushing boundaries to free for all houses.
That’s not what I’m reading here. Can you explain?

amother

↑ Kiwi

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

That sounds like a mishmash responding to a bunch of people. Not that the beginning of the paragraph is an explanation of a free for all house.