Where did I go wrong? Or did I? Be honest but gentle please

amother

↑ NeonGreen ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:21 pm

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Quote:

amother Gray"]I disagree with the people who are calling you rigid. As a parent, you know what rules are important for the functioning of your own family. Unless you've been hearing complaints from your husband and family members that you are rigid, I wouldn't worry about that.

Actually, Much in the post shows rigidity from OP. A 10 year old with an 8:30 bedtime, no normal food allowed, only 10 minutes to read, dragging her by the shoulder to bed... this is rigid & controlling.
There are so many rules here, why is that necessary? They're not in military school.
Even if the kids don't complain. Kids know very well when their complaints won't be heard.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:26 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

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Quote:

She reads all day.

amother

Diamond ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:32 pm

I think the bedtime is ok, but making her go back to brush her teeth and then not letting her eat is too rigid. If you want to be very strict about bedtime, you could have let her eat, then burns her teeth, and told her that you see it’s past her bedtime and going forward she should start the process earlier. Next day, remind her to start earlier if she’s going to want to do something that takes longer than 10 minutes.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:34 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

She only said she's hungry after brushing her teeth. Originally she wanted to drink tea which I have no problem with after brushed teeth.

giftedmom ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:36 pm

So normal for kids to come in from playing and realize they’re hungry right before bedtime. They don’t feel the hunger when they’re absorbed in the game. Sometimes my kids can polish of two bowls of soup. I don’t allow nosh but always healthy food if a kid says they’re hungry.

amother

↑ Diamond

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

She only said she's hungry after brushing her teeth. Originally she wanted to drink tea which I have no problem with after brushed teeth.

I get it but the whole thing is too rigid. Making her go back for a step she forgot. Not letting her eat after that. You could have let those things go, and just remind her the next day that last night ended up being too late and that if she wants to eat or play before bed she should start getting ready earlier.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not going to respond to each post individually, but I do appreciate everyone's perspectives.

I do want to hear what is a reasonable bedtime, from those of you who say it's early. During the year her bus comes at 8, she wakes up 7:20. Her bedtime is 8:10 but most of the time morphes into close to 8:30. For the summer, it got extended by half hour. Kids here don't play outside in the dark, so that gives her enough time to play and wind down. Lately though since it's so hot outside, she's anyway not playing outdoors. Her daycamp bus comes at 9:10 but her alarm clock wakes her up most mornings.

My 10 yr old goes to sleep 9:30 and wakes up around 7/7:15. All kids are different though... If she would have a hard time walking up in the morning, I'd make it a drop earlier.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

During the winter my ten year olds bedtime is 9:30, he wakes up at 7:15

mha3484 ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:46 pm

giftedmom wrote:

During the winter my ten year olds bedtime is 9:30, he wakes up at 7:15

Same. My turning 10 year old sleeps 9:30-7:30 year round, he's not tired before then.

amother

↑ Daffodil ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:48 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

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Quote:

You are being over the top. It’s ok to have house rules and stick to it. Having a set bedtime, not offering food late at night are all normal boundaries.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:49 pm

giftedmom wrote:

I see that's where my expectations are unrealistic. I get that when they're outside they don't realize they're hungry but she'd been home the whole day playing a board game and not realized she's hungry until after brushing her teeth. She even said, when I asked her why she didn't eat or say she wants to eat earlier that the toothpaste makes her hungry.

tichellady ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:50 pm

I think having these sorts of conversations about changes to routine are best not at bedtime when everyone is worked up and tired. I also think brushing teeth and going to the bathroom should be right before sleeping, not before tea etc

amother

↑ Cerise

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

day camp

Then how come up thread you said she reads all day? Or was playing a board game all day? I’m Confused

amother

↑ Honeydew ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

8:45 in bed and I allow her to read till she falls asleep. Most nights by 9:30.

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:59 pm

Just keep in mind that age ten is growth spurt and puberty going on.

You do indeed need more food then, and, your body is becoming harder to be in tune with, as it is changing. So she might not understand her own hunger patterns well, right now.

Just really make sure she is eating enough, earlier, and this won't come up, later.

In general she has to be eating what she wants at this age. Don't make an issue of food. Food isn't an issue. It is a blessing.

↑ tichellady

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 8:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

Tichellady you're right about making changes not in the heat of the moment but the next day at a calmer time.

We all make this mistake, it’s hard to remember it when it’s happening

amother

↑ Honeydew ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 8:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't worry much. At this age they can drag you into to an entire escapade, wasting your time and theirs.
A staggered bedtime is good, you can simply add time for a quick snack in there.