Shabbos sneakers? | Imamother

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 6:53 am

Goldie613 wrote:

Would this work as a compromise? They're still sneakers, but a bit dressier than the usual ones = https://www.amazon.com/Roxy-Sh.....rce=1

Or these?

https://www.keds.com/product/k.....r=101

https://www.skechers.com/cordo.....w_wcB

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CV.....ss_tl

Also, etsy has a whole category they call "wedding sneakers" - maybe something there would work?

https://www.etsy.com/search?q=.....h_bar

But, yes, as a general rule, I wouldn't over fuss the shoes. They can be a nicer than usual pair, something just for Shabbos and chagim, but other than that I'd let it go. Your other option is to say that she can use sneakers if she's walking further than a certain amount, but for shul you want her to stick with Shabbos shoes.

Thanks for the links! Somehow I doubt she'd go for anything that isn't plain white.

Simple1 ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 6:55 am

I never heard of this trend except for immediate relatives and Kallah at the wedding dancing. But I think it’s great that women and girls are finally putting comfort and health ahead of beauty. As long as they’re wearing a shabbos dress and the sneakers are dedicated for shabbos and your attitude towards shabbos is otherwise respectable, I don’t see a problem. Your feet literally support your whole body, it’s important to take care of them.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 6:57 am

amother Orange wrote:

op teenage years are difficult but what is wrong with sneakers? they are great and healthy for the feet. Girls are wearing them bec. they are comfortable.

I wear these on Shabbos and I love them. I have them in black and white to go with whatever outfit I wear.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BM.....psc=1

for the winter I have a wintery metallic version that I don't have a link for that are comfortable.

Thanks! Those are cute but my daughter won't think so unfortunately.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 7:01 am

Simple1 wrote:

I know logically it makes sense. It comes along with black leggings for a light summer outfit and the whole look is off to me.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 7:04 am

I understand her though. I wore sneakers the last 2 months of my pregnancy every day. Hated the look, especially when I wore nicer Yom Tov dresses over Pesach with a shabbos sheitel and sneakers, just looked strange. But my feet were too swollen for anything else except crocs, so sneakers it was. If your daughter finds dress shoes uncomfortable, I can undertand her wanting to wear sneakers. Kudos to her that she doesn't seem to care enough about looks to make herself suffer

amother

↑ Alyssum ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 7:44 am

amother Yolk wrote:

This is the opposite. Her daughter wants it for the look

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:24 am

amother OP wrote:

No but she says stockings are too uncomfortable for her and that she doesn't like any dress shoes.

There are bigger hills to die on, like knees, elbows, etc. I could see being laid back about this. But here's what I'm wondering: Who does she want to look like? Is this a chevrah you're comfortable hanging with middos and exposure-wise? Will she alienate herself from chevrahs that not just you wish she wouldn't but that she'll wish she hadn't?

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:48 am

If I'm going to be honest, I think that as long as she respects Shabbos and has a separate pair that she will not wear during the week then it's ok. The thing is to be really careful to dedicate this particular sneaker to Shabbos and not to grab it when she needs another pair.
That is called giving respect to Shabbos.
Shabbos doesn't differentiate between official Shabbos shoes or official Shabbos sneakers.
I know many people that wear the same slinky skirt on Shabbos and on the weekday. That is not so ok.
You need to have clothing dedicated only for Shabbos.
Of course, if it's another issue it's another issue. It's not necessarily a Shabbos issue.

amother

↑ Hotpink

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:50 am

Quote:

OP, I think this is the real issue. All of the posters saying just buy them, she wants to be comfortable, I don't think they're getting it. She wants them for the "look", nothing to do with comfort.
OP, I would suggest asking a local rav, rebetzin, morah... that may be able to help you navigate this properly instead of us on imamother. So much depends on whats going on in your neighborhood, I don't think it's right for you to be getting advice here

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:55 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

Quote:

Thank you.
OP, I can't say what to do. There are many IRL variables. But if these girls won't bring her down tznius-wise, have good middos, and genuinely are good about technology, if you steer her away from them she'll feel that the system is hypocritical. Make sure you have discussions about what really counts: those three points I italicized.

amother

NeonGreen

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:00 am

My daughter is in shidduchim and wears the white Nike sneakers on shabbos (and during the week) it drives me up the wall! What can I do? She's old enough to get married, she old enough to self sabotage and deal with the consequences and yes that's what it is b/c it's unacceptable where I live. She does it because she says shabbos shoes are uncomfortable which is a ridiculous thing to generalize b/c she hasn't tried that many pairs. Even when I offer to spend 💰 on companies that are known to be comfortable (birdies for example) she just says no, it's called being stubborn!

amother

Denim

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:02 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

The only thing you can do is tell her and lay it out for her. That's your responsibility as a mother. No one else will tell her what she has to hear. She doesn't have to like it, she just needs to hear it so that she can make a choice.

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:04 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

She probably knows exactly what she's doing and is NOT self-sabotaging. She might be open to shidduch ideas that you hadn't bargained for.

amother

Hibiscus ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:19 am

Seems to be a strong thing by teens nowadays. We live OOT in a community thats not very trendy. Never the less recently my daughter expressed no interest in Shabbos shoes and repeatedly told me lately everyone wears sneakers on shabbos! I was pretty taken aback too.

Last summer she agreed to get a pair of sandals instead of shoes and in the winter wore booties... This yr she took birkenstock slippers (open back sandals) to camp and said everyone wears sneakers or birkenstocks. She is a very tznius girl and dresses beautifully.

If she will insist on sneakers at some point I would just go along with it... Peer pressure / belonging etc. Need to pick your battles and all... Buying a 2nd pair of plain white sneakers dedicated for Shabbos sounds like the best option at this point. Look for ones that have a flatter sole and less bulky look.

I would not let leggings and short socks though -in our community its def done a lot and considered the cool, in look. Its also against school and camp rules. If 98% of her class was wearing it obviously I'd re-think that. But as of now its just a few.

But the sneakers really does seem to be majority. Plus its not a tznius issue. If its the norm and there's a separate clean dedicated pair it can still be honoring Shabbos IMHO. Perhaps I can even say its better then someone wearing dressy shoes they hate and feel like a nerd in...

↑ Reality ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:22 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

Quote:

I don't think that's what we were saying at all.

We were saying pick your battles. This doesn't break halacha. Why get into a fight with your daughter because you don't like the "look". Be a smart mom. On top of that, the style is actually a positive style because it promotes healthy feet.

I cannot imagine calling up my Rav to ask his opinion on whether I should buy my daughter sneakers to wear on shabbos.