I know I shouldn't be hitting or yelling

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:01 pm

Yes when things get that bad I can for sure lose it.
There I said it Smile

I am known as the most calm and soft spoken person. But some kids just know how to push the right buttons.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:04 pm

I relate unfortunately. Last week had a child out of control. I kept it together until they got violent and started hurting my baby. They literally would not let up, I had to lock myself in my room. When I came out and tried to speak civilly, they hit my baby again and then I lost it and slapped them to shock them into stopping. I also screamed. Guess what? I feel like the lunatic loser. It didn’t help. What did help was taking the kid outside and talking there because they are proud and ashamed to act this way in front of the neighbors. So bottom line, even if I could justify hitting and screaming at that moment, I still feel wrong and ashamed of my behavior. Like others said, I basically was a role model of how to act under stress and I messed up. If I can scream and hit, why can’t they? Yes I know I need more tools. Child is 7.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:04 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

Yea other people make mistakes they feel terrible about it and try to do better next time im not hearing the remorse here in any of your replies im hearing u say whoops too bad theres always next time. Just know your whoops mess ups have lasting effects on your precious children. There are also some lines if u cross they r serious. Losing it and yelling one thing losing it and getting physical different level

was obviously feeling guilty and unhappy for failing. The tone you chose to pick up from my replies were in my responses to being attacked for being a human being.

amother

↑ Lilac

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

was obviously feeling guilty and unhappy for failing. The tone you chose to pick up from my replies were in my responses to being attacked for being a human being.

Your anger issues are coming across in all your replies. I stand behind what I said, you really should consider getting help but don’t do it for me do it for your children.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:13 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

Your anger issues are coming across in all your replies. I stand behind what I said, you really should consider getting help but don’t do it for me do it for your children.

I'm sorry to disappoint, I feel no anger. Just pity why you choose to see negative that doesn't exist. I suggest you consider getting help for seeing negative when they don't exist. But don't do it for me, do it for yourself.

amother

↑ Tealblue

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:16 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

Your anger issues are coming across in all your replies. I stand behind what I said, you really should consider getting help but don’t do it for me do it for your children.

You're really being unnecessarily mean. I don't hear anger in any of op's posts. You're attacking her for asking for validation, and I'd also want some validation after a day like that. There are healthier ways to respond for sure and ways to be better in the future, but losing it once when your kid is acting crazy doesn't make you a bad parent. And the fact that it would make anybody feel better to hear that when they're feeling guilty and lost doesn't equal excusing the behavior.

amother

↑ Crimson

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

happy your child can stretch that long. Mine won't sleep ever more than eleven hours per night. If fell asleep earlier, will wake up later. But thanks to your post I've remembered he did wake up earlier today so wasn't well rested either. Which further explains his out of control behaviour which is usually not the case b h.

Melatonin maybe? Ask his pediatrician. Also think that all this behavior of his can be directed for good. Does he like martial arts? That would be useful for him to learn to control his impulsivity and at the same time it's a great skill to have. Would also tire him out. And also try to recognize when you think you are going to lose it, before you do, ask for help. Maybe you can get someone to help? Don't be embarrassed to ask for help to those close to you.

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:53 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Sometimes.your child needs more sleep than usual and that makes his behavior worse. I recently discovered mine who is about the same age as yours needs around 13 hours of sleep and behavior changed completely.

The problem is they wake too early for 13 hours. What time do you put them to sleep?

Cheiny ↓

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:46 am

amother OP wrote:

The diagnosis for his behaviour today was just a reaction to the can soda and junk they got as a welcome to daycamp. And came home early so he was bored. So I lost myself. Of course if this happens often we need better tools. My tools I have work just fine for day to day. This child was home from Wednesday till today and we've had a wonderful time together. I didn't lose myself once.
My question I've come to ask here wasn't answered yet by a single poster. If your child challenges you in one afternoon out of the blue to such an extent, can you promise me you wouldn't lose yourself? Not even once? Honest pls.

That’s really not the question you should be focusing on. It’s irrelevant. What you should be doing is getting him help and working on yourself to not have negative reactions, as hard as that is. You have no choice. Please get help for yourself if you can’t do it on your own.

↑ Cheiny

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:48 am

amother OP wrote:

not sure why you feel the need to attack. I didn't ask for validation that it's okay, and don't recall bragging in my post. And I honestly don't think I seriously need help if I was acting human and failed to control myself when pushed to the edge And understand I did something wrong. If we were to be perfect and never fail to do what's right we wouldn't be down here but up there with all angels. I was wondering though and therefore posted to ask if in such a scenario would you loose it too? I believe there are plenty of human beings around here. Each one imperfect and fail sometimes in our individual struggles. We are not crazy for failing, that's what were here for. If we realize it was wrong, as you can read in my title, and plan for the better that's all hashem expects from us.

Actually, realizing you’re wrong is not all that Hashem wants from us. He also wants action, taking steps, however necessary, to improve and prevent it from happening again.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 2:53 am

amother OP wrote:

But how much self control would you be able to mantain when In one afternoon your out of control five year old pounces on you... throws your glasses off .... Walks around with a broom and knocks the expensive wall clock to the floor...kicks the fridge draw And breaks it after just being replaced...And is justso destructive!

I would probably raise my voice to tell him to stop but I would never hit him. Yes, I have children that can get really wild at times.

amother

DarkGreen ↓

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 3:22 am

It doesn't really matter what other posters here do, the question is whether what you are doing is ok or not.

I just started medication to help me control my rage with my kids and bh life is so much better and happier now. I can just access my calm and confidence with the kids much easier. I'm not saying that's what you need but whatever help is needed, you don't need to suffer

amother

Wandflower

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 9:28 am

amother DarkGreen wrote:

What kind of meds would help with rage?

amother

↑ DarkGreen

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 11:46 am

Check with a psychiatrist. I'm taking zoloft for anxiety/depression and it's really helping for feeling out of control and that feeling of my kids HAVE to listen to me right now
Please note that it had an effect on my s life and I'm working on this but before you start look into your options carefully

meyerlemon44

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is your child regularly difficult? If so, the people being high and mighty in the replies (not everyone, but a few people are) will never understand how much it wears on you. Don't beat yourself up. Just make a plan for the next time you get so angry (I.e. take the baby into your room for an hour and then come out and punish the child when you're calmer).

Ima Piano

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:12 pm

Very easy for ppl on the internet to say they never hit their kids. We are human. We are home all day with the kids taking care of their every need and then when they challenge us it can get frustrating. I've lost my temper, gave small patches when necessary and yelled too. Your normal. It's normal. I beat myself up also but you shouldn't. We make mistakes and we ask hashem for guidance to help us not lose ourselves next time.