I know I shouldn't be hitting or yelling

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:33 pm

But how much self control would you be able to mantain when In one afternoon your out of control five year old pounces on you... throws your glasses off .... Walks around with a broom and knocks the expensive wall clock to the floor...kicks the fridge draw And breaks it after just being replaced...And is justso destructive!

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:01 pm

Hitting and telling perpetuates wild behavior. Show by example that’s not how it’s done. Eat your lips, roll your eyeballs and squish your livers together but don’t hit. I sometimes give a bear hug for a few extra minutes and sneak a few words into their ears.
Alternatively, you can calm them with a drink and a favorite blanket, then r whatever calms them and centers them back to normal.

mushkamothers

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:06 pm

You'll probably get more sympathetic responses from the challenging kids forum, which it sounds like you have. A 5 year old shouldn't be doing those things. Does he need a diagnosis? Do you need better tools?

The answer is, it's impossible to have self control if you're not regulated and it's really really difficult to be regulated when you have a very challenging child. But shaming yourself for your behavior won't work just like yelling at him won't solve his problems. You both just need better tools.

amother

Lawngreen ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:10 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

Saying this again. You both need better tools.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:47 pm

The diagnosis for his behaviour today was just a reaction to the can soda and junk they got as a welcome to daycamp. And came home early so he was bored. So I lost myself. Of course if this happens often we need better tools. My tools I have work just fine for day to day. This child was home from Wednesday till today and we've had a wonderful time together. I didn't lose myself once.
My question I've come to ask here wasn't answered yet by a single poster. If your child challenges you in one afternoon out of the blue to such an extent, can you promise me you wouldn't lose yourself? Not even once? Honest pls.

amother

Lilac ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:52 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

Get a diagnosis and work with professionals. You need different tools to work with him.

Do u mean a diagnosis for op? We are quick to diagnose a child who losses control but what about the mother? Maybe he is just copying what he sees? He certainly has no model for what self control and good coping skills looks like.

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

You don't have to beat yourself up. Many parents lose themselves sometimes.

But learning a new tool or skill is a more productive response than trying to drown in or drown out the guilt.

amother

↑ Feverfew

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Of course everyone has bad days and raises their voice at their weak times. But this does sound like a bigger issue.

amother

↑ Lilac ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow so you are looking for validation that what u did is ok? I thought u were looking for help!
To answer your question I have never hit any of my children. If I ever felt that out of control I would know its time to get myself some help. Which im sure could happen to any of us. I suppose anyone is capable of being pushed to the edge. But I wouldnt be posting for bragging points on here id be seeking serious help.

amother

Crimson ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:08 pm

Sometimes.your child needs more sleep than usual and that makes his behavior worse. I recently discovered mine who is about the same age as yours needs around 13 hours of sleep and behavior changed completely.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:51 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

not sure why you feel the need to attack. I didn't ask for validation that it's okay, and don't recall bragging in my post. And I honestly don't think I seriously need help if I was acting human and failed to control myself when pushed to the edge And understand I did something wrong. If we were to be perfect and never fail to do what's right we wouldn't be down here but up there with all angels. I was wondering though and therefore posted to ask if in such a scenario would you loose it too? I believe there are plenty of human beings around here. Each one imperfect and fail sometimes in our individual struggles. We are not crazy for failing, that's what were here for. If we realize it was wrong, as you can read in my title, and plan for the better that's all hashem expects from us.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:54 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

happy your child can stretch that long. Mine won't sleep ever more than eleven hours per night. If fell asleep earlier, will wake up later. But thanks to your post I've remembered he did wake up earlier today so wasn't well rested either. Which further explains his out of control behaviour which is usually not the case b h.

amother

↑ Lilac ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 7:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yea other people make mistakes they feel terrible about it and try to do better next time im not hearing the remorse here in any of your replies im hearing u say whoops too bad theres always next time. Just know your whoops mess ups have lasting effects on your precious children. There are also some lines if u cross they r serious. Losing it and yelling one thing losing it and getting physical different level

amother

Pistachio

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 7:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

I would quickly give them a video if I think I’ll lose it. Rather them watch then yell or hit

amother

Tealblue ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 7:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

This sounds so frustrating! I usually consider myself a pretty patient parent, but I'd also have a really tough time not yelling in an afternoon like that! Ideally, I think I'd probably move my kid somewhere where they have something to do but can't do any harm (their room or outdoors).

amother

Sage

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 8:00 pm

Of course I've lost it. I've also yelled and hit but I worked on myself a lot and went to therapy for years and now I rarely yell. So nobody thinks it's ok. Everybody just tries to do better. Even if our child is having a really bad day we want to try to be the bigger person. I do think that when kids act out of character we can be caught off guard.